A
female
age
36-40,
*arlylou
writes:I'm 23 and just found out i'm about 5 weeks pregnant. i've told my boyfriend of 4 years who i live with and he doesnt want it he isnt pressuring me to get rid of it but he definately wants me to. I've already had one termination while i've been with him and said i wouldnt do it again.A week ago before i found out i was exactly the same as him and was not ready for a child but now its inside me everythings changed.I'm so confused i really love him and dont want to hurt him, i dont know what to do please help!Sorry about the ramble Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MzRevolutionary  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 You are in such a hard spot right now, but you can make it and you will do what is best for you! Obviously a baby isn't any casual decision so please think it through first. Personally, I am 100% against abortion, but believe everybody deserves to make their own decisions because every situation is different. It sounds like you regret (not necessarily the action on your part) but just having to go through the abortion and actually terminate a life. The decision that you made before was the one that you needed to make at the time, but two times around? If you are not wanting to terminate this baby, but not ready for the commitment, why not look into adoption? As hard as that is to give up your child, you know that you are giving them up to live, not to die. If you want to keep the baby and raise him/her, then talk to your man! Explain your reasoning for wanting to keep the child, the feelings you had from before, and let him know that you want to know his feelings too. With that though, you need to make him realize (if you decide to keep the baby) what your plans are and that you want him to take this next step with you. Neither one of you are necessarily ready, but this isn't something that you (as a woman) can just walk away from. Give him the opportunity to walk. It won't be easy by any means, but it will put you in a positive place so that only those that are supportive are with you. Take responsibility for your actions with whatever you do though. If you have an abortion, you need to realize that it is not a "free" procedure. A life is ultimately coming to an end and you need to prevent it from happening again. There are WAY too many forms of contraceptives available to use nothing at all and you are putting yourself and your health at risk by not using protection. Good luck and God bless, I hope everything works out for you the best way possible.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 It's your body, your baby. Boyfriends come and boyfriends go but this baby is forever. If you don't want to have the abortion do NOT let him convince you otherwise. You will end up resenting him, probably break up with him later and always, always regret it. It's your choice, not his. I did this once and I have always regretted it. Don't make that mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Hi. If your partner doesnt want children with you then he should have a vasectomy or wear condoms. You have already had one unwanted pregnancy and an abortion. Another isnt the answer. If as i suspect, you want to keep this baby then you have to sit your partner down and explain that to him, so hes aware of how you feel.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 January 2010):
You've done it once, and you know you didn't like it. I suspect that if you do it again, it will hit you even harder. You need to sit down by yourself and look at your own life and what you want from it. It's easy for a man to say have an abortion, because the baby doesn't grow in us, so we don't get attached as readily. But it is growing in you, and ultimately it's your choice. Sit down, look at your life, look at how you feel about the baby and whether of not you can afford it and look after it and such, then make a decision based on that. It might even be worth speaking to a counsellor about it all, so you can get all your feelings out. All the best.
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