A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of four years just asked if I was "interested" in going to a formal party his fraternity is throwing. I said sure, sounds fun. He then proceeds to tell me that tickets are $47. I'd been under the impression that when you ask somebody to a formal dance (especially if you're a dude) you would typically pay for BOTH tickets. I was surprised, and said "Wow, $47? I can't afford that." To which he replied, "Ok, well I'll probably still go."How do I handle this? I can't very well say "pay for me," but I don't want to spend $47, especially now that I'm none too pleased with him.He's been doing more and more stuff like this, just as we're about to move in together after a four-year long distance relationship. Is what he did wrong? How do I respond? Am I at fault for adding this to the pile of crap he's done that makes me want to end this relationship before it goes any further?Thank you!
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male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (5 June 2009):
Funny. To be prepared for the future, I suggest you discuss finances. Many marriages fail because of finances. Discuss how each will support each other, and that both will be forthcoming in the facts and be honest, then this will not be a problem in the future, it will be managable.
Now normally when you first start dating, it is common for the guy to pay, this is of course "courting", first impressions matter. But once you have a solid foundation, then shifting gears to be support and mutual partners is where the relationship should head. The man maynot always be the bread winner, and it may require the partner; you, to step up and take over until he is up on his feet.
Take care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): If he invited you he should pay for your ticket. I wouldn't go, and if he asks why, I would tell him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Yeah, I think it is wrong. He who does the inviting should also do the paying. It shows that he is cheap and not very conscious of your feelings. I'm thinking moving in together is a bad idea because more problems will pop up in the future. You might shelf the moving in together until you make up your mind about him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): I understand that often the guy pays for dates, but some girls are not as comfortable with that, they may feel that they are just as capable of paying. It's mainly because of historical protocol that the man usually pays, but it's not always the case.
That being said, I think that normally I would offer to pay for my date to something, but when tickets are $47, I think it's reasonable that he not have to spend $94 dollars for one event all on his own. When the cost is that high, I think it's acceptable to each pay your own, or at least for him to ask for some money.
I don't know what else he's done, so I can't help you with saying what should go on from here, I'm sorry. I hope this helped some.
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