A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a 17 year old daughter that has a VERY controllling, jealous boyfriend he just went to college and he is still controlling her. He tells her where she can go, work, and even what she can wear sometimes. PLEASE Help and tell me how to get rid of this guy!!!No men in our family are that way, I don't understand why she accepts this behavior.
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female
reader, Aunt Lou Lou  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 This is a tough question. I was in the situation a few years back - not as bad as you have said but, similar. the thing is, whatever you say to your daughter, it is daughters instinct to do the opposite. children dont like to follow parents rules, so you are at a stage at the moment where you risk alienating your daughter. the best thing you can do, is to sit your daughter down and explain how you feel about the situation, tell her you love her and will help and support her in whatever she decides, and ask her to be open with you. she sounds like she needs a little confidence in order to get rid of him. he sounds like a real bully and it may be your daughter isnt strong enough to say enough is enough. if she is into movies, try her with "Because i said so" - sounds a little corny, but its about a mum and her daughter and the mum wanting the best for her daughter. Maybe some of the messages will seep through to her. Its worth a try. Good luck x
A
female
reader, deee999 +, writes (17 October 2007):
HiI can tell you that I was in a very controlling relationship for over 20 years. I finally managed to get out because I found out why I was allowing it. I had very low self esteem, I was vulnerable and so I allowed him to push me and control me. Once I raised my self esteem and realized that the reason he was trying to control me was that he was afraid that I would leave him, I got stronger and stronger, until I was strong enough to do exactly what he feared. People are only controlling because they fear the loss of control. I would suggest that you use the fact that the boyfriend is away at college to build your daughter's self esteem, not by telling her that he is no good for her, you'll just back her into a corner that way, by making her feel good about herself, find something she is good at, show an interest, tell her how good she is at it, include him, tell her that when he comes home for Christmas you will invite him over and he willbe part of the family festivities, don't set yourelf up as his enemy, my parents did and it cost me 20 years. Include him, boost her self worth, and let her see for herself that he's an idiot. At least that way you will be there to help her when it all goes wrong.Good luck, I hope it works out OK
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