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7 weeks pregnant, two guys involved, not sure what to do, which one to chose

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

im currently 7 weeks pregant and involved with two guys who i think the world of that im seeing, i know it s wrong i just can't help it,

I know who most likely the father is and that guy i have literally known a month.

Hes indian and not got a british citenship.

The other guy is british and i have known him many years, and currently since late last year, been seeing eachother.

The reason why i been seeing this indian guy is because hes into me, and i feel that the british guy will leave me , as in the past british guys haven't treated me right.

i love them both and obvoiusly the british guy more as i known him longer.

im now pregnant and the indian guy said recently he might have to go to india and that his family wouldn't accept me as im not married to him.

and that hes to scared to tell them this.

my mum knows this and she hopes its the british guyabys as he might be going to indian and she preferres british i think.and that i have know him longer and she has even stopped me seeing him so the only way i could is in secert.

hes just turned 20 and the british guy is just 22.

i know its my own fault and decsion at the end of the day but i would like some advice if possible so i could chosse the right path and would be grateful if some help could be given.

They both know im pregant, and both dont want me to get rid of it.

I thought of some ideas of what could do..

Have an aboration without them knowing and pretend its a miscarrage.

or

Go with the pregency and have a babysitter nowagain.

take responsiblity, as i do feel ready for a baby.

whoever the baby is stick with ever guy is once born.

or

As i have lied and cheated on both stop hurting them and leave both, and keep the baby.

or

Tell them the truth and if they stay its up to them, if not still keep the baby as normal

or

might end up with a misscarrage the baby not working out as planned.

or

tell them both im not ready for a baby then get an aboration, and chosse britsh guy.

or

chosse one of the guys i most truely love and have the kid hopeing its theirs.

or

give the kid up to adaption after birth.

or

have the child but if have a disabliity (not trying to sound harsh) but give it up to adaption.

or

i end up with a brakedown from doing abortion as its wrong and that i have sinned, and end up hurting myself. please help xx

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia + , writes (19 February 2012):

Hi. That's wise going to the doctors, as this needs to be checked out thoroughly.

Your mother being with you, can offer you some moral support.

A couple of spots of blood can be minor sometimes, especially if it's watery - and then stops - however, the pain you are having could indicate a miscarriage.

If the bleeding is more than just a couple of spots and becomes bright red - like a period - well then it could be more serious.

And if the pain gets worse, that is serious.

Your doctor will examine you and ask you all sorts of questions. He might also order an ultrasound.

I hope everything goes well for you and that it is only a minor spot bleed.

Bleeding can sometimes happen if you have been lifting a heavy weight or pushing something heavy along the floor and using those abdominal muscles. If any bleeding occurs at those times, it could be some placenta separation from the wall of the womb.

It's an axious time for you I realize, and there's nothing anyone can really say that will make any difference.

So go there with an open mind, and see what the prognosis is and go from there.

You never know what might be the outcome.

Remember that everything in life happens for a reason.

Whatever happens now is meant to be.

If you go to full term and have the baby, well that's meant to be.

If you end up miscarrying, well then sadly, that's meant to be.

If it is a miscarriage, well very often it means that there might have been something wrong with the baby, and that is nature's way of dealing with it.

Or if it is a miscarriage, it could just be that the placenta came away from the wall of the womb suddenly.

No matter what happens now, I wish you well.

Once you find out from the doctor, or something happens, you can then move forward.

Whether it's a happy outcome or a sad one, whichever one it ends up being, you will in the passing of time, know that it was the right one.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2012):

Miamine agony auntPlease go to your doctors right away, and I hope that everything is ok. It's funny how these emergencies make the mind clear and show us the decisions we must make.

My heart goes out to you.. blessings babes... my words are not enough right now. :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012):

i did take into consideration to use protection i was on the pill and yet this has not worked for me so that is how i am pregant never was intentional.

I am 20 years old, and sadly had bleeding and alot of lower abdominal pain last night and still now, im off to the doctors im not sure if this is part of the 6 weeks as the uterus is growing and pain is natural have been told.

I am not sure if it s a misscarrage but its made me really thing about that i would love and care for this baby and i would keep this baby as my own with or with out the guys i will tell them the truth, teh indian guy will end up going back to indain. And if the british guy still wants to be with me its up to him . i will take full responsilbity in my actions and therefore in prayer today if thsi is a misscarriage or something worse or the baby is still alive i will take responsibity in my actions, and do what gods plan is . many thanks for ur sugusstions i wilake them into account and let it play by ear of what nature wants.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2012):

Miamine agony auntI think you need independent advice. Many people on the internet have their own opinions about pregnancy and abortion and may not be thinking about what is best for you.

Contact your local family planning clinic, there you will find people who are paid to help people like you. If you want to keep the baby, or put it up for adoption or have an abortion, they have all the details to help you access the relevant services easily. They also can tell you where to find trained impartial counsellors who can help guide you to make a decision that is best for you.

Trying to decide who should be daddy or where to put baby over the internet, doesn't sound like someone ready to have a baby. Here's the link, I suggest you contact the professionals and then come back when you've calmed down.

*NHS... http://www.nhs.uk/Pages/HomePage.aspx

Type in your postcode to find the location of your nearest family planning clinic

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012):

This is not a good situation. I am assuming that you are telling everybody the truth on this. This is one situation where I think that, unless you really feel love for this baby and care for both men to some degree, that you would be better off having an abortion and ending everything right there. I would not wait long to end this pregnancy, if you choose to do so. You can certainly have the baby, but then YOU and you alone take full responsibility for your actions. In fact, your actions regarding both of these men are very questionable. I don't understand how you could let this happen. This is a baby who is going to have a bad life, unless one of the men comes forward and pledges to take care of you. Even so, what is the chance either man will want to help you and care for and nurture a child? The Brit doesn't care, and the Indian wants to go home. What a wonderful pair? (My sarcasm!) I normally do not like abortions, but I honestly believe that this may be one of the rare exceptions where it is not worth the trouble for you and the baby if the father is not going to be around and will not be there for you and to help the child. Sadly, I say that you need to terminate the pregnancy.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia + , writes (15 February 2012):

Hi there. Even though an abortion seems like a simple solution right now, sometimes it can cause other problems and in years to come when you are in a serious relationship you might find you can't fall pregnant at all!

So that's something to keep in mind.

And adoption is a rather big decision also, as you would be wondering what sort of life your child would be given. You would probably be wondering for the rest of your life.

So long as the pregnancy goes okay and to full term, the first thing to do is to do a paternity test to make sure who the father is.

You really can't do anything until you know for sure, regardless of who you believe you'd like to be with.

Definitely have a serious discussion with your parents, and see what they think about it. It might help you to make a decision.

No matter what happens, once you have this baby, your life is going to change dramatically!

Are you really sure you want to settle down with one man just because of the baby!

The father might be NOT the one you want it to be.

In any case, you have plenty of time before a real decision needs to be made, so just go about your life - DO see an obstetrician - and see how you feel about things as each month goes by.

There is a chance that neither of these two men are ready to be fathers yet. So they might want to do the right thing by the baby, but their hearts may not be in it.

And if that's the case, there will be some resentment there. And it will only get worse with time.

Are you still in school?

If you are, you can probably still continue with your education once your baby is born, so you have good prospects for your own future.

All is not lost though.

You can still do almost anything you want to do with your life, you will just need some direction for a place to start in finding your purpose in life.

In this life, anything is possible!

Remember, everything in life happens for a reason.

In the midst of chaos, there is clarity.

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