A
male
age
30-35,
*ndy00
writes:Hi there, It's been a year and 8 months since the best relationship of my life ended. It was a long distance relationship, and it lasted 2 years. She's been on my mind a lot today. I've heard her first name said a lot, and heard songs that were significant to us on the radio. A couple of months ago, I foolishly looked on her myspace profile and read that she was in a relationship. All that has brought some feelings up. I felt myself imaging her with somebody else and it hurt.It feels like I should be over her by now, but I guess part of me still isn't. I've heard you never forget your first love. I want to be able to deal with that, but get to a stage where it doesn't bother me. I think I will only achieve this whenever I get into another long term relationship, but since that relationship ended, the longest relationship I've managed was only three months long.I don't know what to do. I don't feel like a normal person, I feel pathetic. I want to get my confidence back and forget about that stupid relationship! 21 months down the line, I haven't been able to. Please help me out.
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 You sound exactly like me. My first love... I still wasn't over him going on close to 2 years afterward. He had a new girlfriend and was doing great. My longest relationship since him was 3 months (no kidding, it really was the same as yours). It wasn't serious with the guy from 3 months and I just didn't connect with him. It made me miss my ex even more. I would hear the songs and still get upset, I would see his name in places and he didn't have a common name so I would think it was some sign that we were meant to be... Well I went on lots of dates. Never felt anything for any of them. It made me miss the ex more. Then I started to think that maybe I just missed the type of relationship we had more so than him. He was no longer the same person and after that long of a time people do change. Even that didn't help me though, I still felt as though he was the love of my life and we were meant to be. I went on a date with a guy I met online about 2 years after my ex and I broke up. It was pretty much like the other dates. I missed my ex, the guy I was on the date with didn't seem to compare, blah blah. Well actually the date ending up going ok... We communicated well. I was really getting along great with him. I wasn't completely over my ex still until about a month after dating the new guy. It was when I heard our song and I felt NOTHING. And it was the most amazing feeling I can think of. I even saw him again in person and felt nothing. I had moved on, after 2 long years of thinking I never could. You can too. Now unfortunately I am going through the break up with the guy I went on the date with... But getting over my first love makes me realize I will get past it eventually, it really does just take time, and you will meet the right person. So don't worry you are still sad about it. It's normal. But you will get past her. You will meet the right girl that you fit with completely and understand why you and the other didn't work out, and why it was better to end. Don't get discouraged by bad dates, it's hard to do, I know. But feel free to email me anytime since I understand what you are going through. Trust me you will be fine. Good luck with everything :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): sigh - always difficult however the good news is that your heart is fine (hooray means you will love again) its your head thats screwed.
Its your head that's thinking about her. Go and think of something else. think of where you want to travel to if you could only go to 10 places on the planet where would you go? think of every detail of your ideal house, car, garden, giraffe - whatever works) think of anything but her. push her from you mind.
you are normal and if you can't get her out of your head. then become a song writer! they make money from this...so of course every song will make you feel like that...(um every song except things like the birdie song)...
hug,star.x
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