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16 year old has diapers?

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Question - (15 December 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2014)
A female United States age 36-40, *wood138 writes:

I am a mom of 2 girls, 16 and 13. I was cleaning there rooms while they were at school and found a pack of open adult diapers in the 16 years olds room. I have no idea why they are in there and really am concerned about what to do. Should I talk to her or let her come to me? I would really love to hear suggestions and am open to any that you have. Thanks.

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A female reader, baby'smom United States +, writes (25 February 2014):

I found a box with two cloth diapers,diaper pins,plastic pants[adult size],a pacifier,bottle and a tee shirt under my 16 year old daughters bed a while back.When she got home from school i asked her about them and she turned red and told me that one of her friends is a bedwetter and wears a cloth diaper and plastic pants to bed at night and that when she sleeps over at the friends house she wears them also and that they pretend they are babies and carry on like babies.she told me the diapers and plastic pants are her friends and that the friend gave them to her to wear sometimes.i then asked if she wants to wear the diapers and rubber pants to bed and around the house and she said yes so i let her.I would rather have her wearing the diapers than have her doing drugs or into alchohol.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011):

maybe shes what i have heard of on the internet as an abdl which stands for adult baby diaper lover which i have found to be a rather common thing and you should not be worried and if that be the case you should support him/her by if that be what he/she wants to help her acquire the diapers if you feel that be appropriate because that will show her you care and may get her to understand that she is an adult that isn't supposed to wear diapers

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

I would give her some privacy- maybe she has a problem like a bladder problem and needs to wear them but is too embarrassed to discuss it with anyone. I really wouldn't worry about it.

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A female reader, kwood138 United States +, writes (15 December 2009):

kwood138 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I will monitor the situation. And I do not clean their rooms. I was looking for some winter clothes in their closets to pull out for them to wear. We are going out of town to a very cold location and there were a few things I wanted to make sure she had. I also picked up some things that were laying on the floor, thinking I was being nice. The diapers were on a shelf behind here hanging clothes. I was not in anyway snooping or doing anything I thought was out of the ordinary.

Furthermore, my daughter and I have a good relationship for a teenager and parent. I give her here space, help her when she needs help, and love her unendingly. We talk often and she knows I am there to help her. Maybe it's just a matter of time before she says something about them to me or maybe she wants to keep it quiet. Regardless, I think that I need to talk to her about it but I will give her some time to come to me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

I'd say, she's old enough to wear diapers if thats what she enjoys. Let her be. And perhaps stop cleaning her room, she's certainly old enough to have some privacy and to clean the room herself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

You should be proud to be the mother of such a fine girl. I wish my kids were so busy and dedicated like your daughter, that they simply didn't have any time to spare using the toilet. Alas! My kids spend loads of time in the bathroom doing who knows what every day.

In fact I think my son is in there now with his laptop again - and he's been there already for the past 1/2 hour. What the hell could he be up to all this time?

I think you should praise her and stop worrying. Do not embarrass her by all means; it is hard enough to get the kids to dedicate themselves to anything these days with the rare kind of determination your daughter is demonstrating. If anything, just make sure she is always has a well-stocked supply.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (15 December 2009):

it could just be for a prank or a school play. We also found diapers and baby food in my brother's room years ago and it was left over props for some class sketch. The only way to be sure is to ask her and tell her if she doesnt want to discuss it its ok, but she can come to you if necessary. As a parent you have every right to snoop in your children's rooms for as long as they are under your roof to make sure there is nothing out of control going on; but cleaning should be their responsibility. Teach them how to do it and dont give them their pocket money until its done properly. In a few years they will have their own homes and won't know how to run them because they were never taught. My 12 year old son can make a lovely roast chicken dinner and do dishes by hand because of his love for airtime minutes to call his friends, which are not awarded until the chores are done. Good luck with your intervention

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A female reader, Sadnat South Africa +, writes (15 December 2009):

Sadnat agony auntmaybe you should pull her aside privately and ask her why they were there maybe she has a bladder problem and is ashamed to tell anyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

Aww I am sure you are quite worried and concerned. Please don't be. Ok there are a few reasons I can think of:

1 she is having some sort of bladder issues maybe wetting the bed at night...if so you mentioning them might horrify her. Maybe try and watch to see if she's doing a lot more laundry or washing her sheets more often.

2 Maybe she's wearing them in place of sanitary pads, thinking they offer better coverage.

3 My last suggestion is probably the one that will worry you the most, but please don't. Maybe she is wearing them out of a sexual nature. I have a male friend who enjoys wearing them for this reason. At first I was concerned that maybe he was molested or something as a child and that was why he wanted to wear them and feel like a baby. But after MANY conversations about this and research I can say that this is NOT the reason. It's just an attraction like some people are into dressing up like doctors and nurses, or teachers and students, this is just another role to fantasize about. My guess is that your daughter is experimenting with her sexual side and learning her body and what she likes. I wouldn't say anything though this could be a very shocking thing for her to discover you to know about. She is perfectly normal and there doesn't sound like anything serious to worry about unless you find pictures of her in them that she could be putting online or sending to people. This is a very normal fantasy and a lot of people actually do this. If you haven't had "the sex talk" with her I would suggest doing it now. Then let them ask you questions and see if it comes up, but I wouldn't confront her about it it might traumatize her to know you found them.

On a side note why are you cleaning 2 perfectly able teenagers bedrooms? My mom cleaned my brothers room constantly and now he's mid 20's and expects everyone to clean up for him...just a little side note.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (15 December 2009):

Sincerely Yours agony auntI sincerely doubt that she will come to you, since she has obviously gone a long time without doing so. Make sure your standards for her don't appear to be too high, or stressful. I get a hint that you might have been searching her room for something. The need for adult diapers doesn't seem like something that would randomly appear one day so if you clean their rooms for them, you would've seen it earlier. If you were searching her room because you think she's getting into trouble, then there's a lack of trust that you need to fill so that she will comfortably talking to you.

But whether or not she trusts you, or you trust her or were or were not cleaning her room, Observe her: the way she walks, the sound she makes when she walks, how many trips to the bathroom she makes, if she consistently goes to the same bathroom instead of whichever one is closest, how long she takes to go and come back. Once you are sure that they belong to and are being used by her, you need to confront the issue. This is completely not someting that can be left untouched. She may have reflux in her bladder but is too shy or embarrassed to say anything. There could be other explanations. Whatever it is, there could be a cure instead of the "solution" she's accessed.

~Sy

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