A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:we got married 5 years ago and at our wedding, which was very small and intimate, we had one bestman, my hubby's best friend, and one maid of honour, my teenaged daughter. my husbands brother has a daughter, who is my husbands godchild, which was arranged before we met. we did not include her in the wedding, as we didnt want a flower girl as well, and we didnt include his brother, as the bestman did the speech, and the other brother drove the wedding car. well, since the wedding, that brother and his wife, have not spoken to us, they are very well off, but did not even give us a wedding card with best wishes, let alone a wedding present. 2 months previous to that, we all attended the wedding of their cousin, where this rich brother gave a huge expensive gift... he was the master of ceremonies... it still bothers me after all this time... what do i do to get over the feelings i have towards them and move on ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2005): Family is important and not all of them will always be people, we personally like. But when you marry someone, you take on the whole family. In order to function at all in your husband's family you are going to have to accept and forgive what happened. You were very hurt. In family relationships people get hurt, but they eventually forget and and move on. Five years is a very long time to hold onto this...let it go. They were all weak people who made self-centered and hurtful choices, at that time. You won’t be able to fix who they are, or change them. However, you can change yourself and reach out to them. Will it be hard at first? You betit will. You don’t have to be in the middle of this brother's and his family’s lives but you can socialize occasionally at family gatherings. You can choose to always stay connected. There is one other thing you can do to redeem this mess. You can be the best wife and mother (if you have kids) you can possibly be to your own created family. You and your husband should set loving examples of being everything a family should be, committed, honest, caring, loving, responsible, forgiving and understanding. Your children will flourish with such a wonderful role model, such as yourself. And..so will you.
TAke care and stay happy.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 December 2005):
 Don't sweat the small stuff, dear. Enjoy your husband and your family, ignore the brother.
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