A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:there is this boy i like and we went out for a week and then he ignored me for a while, and then he came back and was like i'm sorry. he wants to get back together. I really like him ALOT. however, he's like you know what type of relationship i want. i really want to but i can't give him what he wants. i feel like if i say sure i will be leading him on to believing that we will have sexvin the near future. it really sucks because i don't want to lose him, but if he leaves then i guess he was never worth it. i hate having to choose between what i believe in and him. i think sex is for marriage. i know he is a guy and most guys want that. but really is that important??? plus its so early in the relationship. i mean i just had my first kiss, i'm not fast with these things, i take it seriously.i told him that i deserve to be treated right and not ignored. he said he knows. he said he wanted to be with me for many reasons. i told him i don't want to promise him anything. i just want to go with flow. like just see how it goes. and he was all like you u need to take some more time nd think throughly.jus think whut we talked abut.im seriouos if u dont think u can do it..we don have to go through with it.I'm just so frustrated. why is he putting so much emphasis on sex?..like i seriously think sex is for marriage. it makes it so complicated, i really like him. i think i'm going to lose him :(.. what should i do?? say yes, even though i don't see my self doing it anytime soon or just say NO even though it breaks my heart:(...this really sucks. having to give up something..is he just trying to have sex? if he liked wouldn't he want to be with me even without sex?..i think making out and kissing should be enough..idk..is that just me?? what would you do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): There are plenty of other guys out there who won't put undue pressure on you for sex.
You can spend your time dealing with this guy but it's your choice.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I do agree. Just tell him what you said, sex is a huge decision and you want to wait until marriage and if he can't handle that then he obviously does not love you and you are done with him. Good job on standing up for yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni've been friends with him for a year and half. but we just started dating. you're right. it shouldn't be so important. there is more to a relationship. i just wish he could see it too. i really believe we could have an amazing relationship without sex. even when i tell him lets just go with the flow and see how it works out, he gets frustrated. its as if he wants me to say yeah we will have sex. and i'm not ready, i know i'm not. If it took me 18 years to get my first kiss, i know that one month after my first kiss, sex is not what i want right now.
i think i'm feeling this way because obviously i just don't trust him anymore. He's been a jerk way to many times. My friend once told me. What's happens once won't happen again, but what happens twice will surely happen again. he's left me twice when we were just friends, so i guess he will do it again.
i just need to let him go.it really hurts he means a lot to me. he was my first crush, love, boyfriend, and kiss. that's the hardest part. when you like someone so much and invest so much into the relationship, but they don't don't even care that much. what hurt me the most was when he was like we don't have to go through with it, as if having sex is the main goal of the relationship.
so i'm going to just tell him. I don't want to have sex right now. and he doesn't like it then its too bad. there is more to a relationship and that kissing and making out is enough for now.if he loves me then he would understand, plus its so early in the relationship. All i want is two months in a normal relationship to see how it is. Sex is a big decision, it can't be taken lightly. do you agree? does that sound okay.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (7 February 2010):
You are right, if he liked you he would want to be with you regardless of sex. You have been talking for a week and he is talking about needing a sexual relationship or nothing? It's all he wants. I have no clue why you like this guy. He's a jack ass. You are obviously classy and not stupid enough to have already given it up to him. Wait until you are ready. A good guy will wait for you I promise, they exist. I've dated some. I hope for your sake you do lose him. I swear one day you will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking liking this loser. Don't ever do something you are not comfortable with or ready for. You think he would be the one comforting you when you are crying and upset afterwards?? I seriously doubt it... Because he doesn't care. Don't make a mistake. And although I did not wait until marriage I waited until I was 19, and my boyfriend at the time waited as long as I wanted to. Wait until you love someone and he loves you back. It'll mean more and you won't have your heart broken by a guy who is using you... Good luck.
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