A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello I need a lot of help here, I am in a relationship with this really wonderfull guy, he does everything to please me, he is very introverted but for his actions I know that he really cares about me, we have been 8 months of relationship, I am 27 and he is 29, I am his first important and long relationship. We share strong feelings for eachother, again he has always treat me like a princess since day one. At the begining of our relationship we start dating exclusive but even when I was having all the beneficts of a relationship he told me that he didn't wanted to be in a relationship for the fear of loose his freedom, that then it will be "us" intead of "I". He had fear of commitment not fear of commitment to myself. Little by little he started to be more receptive and work with me for this relationship work out fine. Now we are doing well as a couple, and i can tell that he is into this relationship as much as I am right now, my problem is that from the past I have a lot of trust issues, my father is a womanizer that he only care about women like a piece of meat, I also have a lot of male friends because of my profession( I am engineer), and I have always have to hear the dirty talk about how they treat and think about women. It is so dificult for me to trust in my boyfriend because of this, I have confront him a lot of times asking if he only wanted to be with me because of the sex. He has told me that that is false, and he has even say that we can't quit of the sex for a couple of months and he will stay with me no matter what. We normally see eachother 3 times a week, we both have very bussy schedules, normally it is wendesday, friday and sunday, so last week he couldn't see me on wendesday because he had a test on thursday and he needed to study( he is going to college) I understood, I have always tell him that no one deserve he sacrifice his career, so we didn't saw each other until the next friday, since he saw me he told me "I haven't seen you in a while, I missed you"( it was just from sunday to friday, less than a week) and my reply was a very sarcastic laugh saying that "that was a good joke, of course you didn't miss me". In other words, he was just being nice with me and I reply sarcastically. I don't know what to do to leave back my past, I came from a 5 years relationship with a guy, that was verbally abusive with me. I am really trying to trust in my boyfriend, he is really wonderfull, he give up time with his friends in order to be with me, and everytime that I tell him that there is something in the relationship that I don't like or bothers me, he always try to change. I honestly I am in a point that I think I am destroying my relationship, this is the first time that I really feel good with a guy, and I feel he likes me for myself. I am desperate because I don't know what to do. Please any views that can help me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): You will slowly kill this relationship. He is changing to accommodate your insecurities. Eventually he will realise he has given up everything and lost the freedom he valued so much. Then to go out and he will probably have that affair you fear.
If someone is no good, they are no good. There is nothing you can do to change that. Why should he pic up the tab for other mens misdeameanors. He is an individual and by the way you describe him he sounds a good catch.
I repeat there is nothing you can do to safeguard your future with this man, other than saying what will be will be, then you can enjoy what you have.
Good luck
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