A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend hasn't talked to me in 6 days , he's been talking to literally everybody .. Except me. And he's going to the beach with 2 really pretty girls on Friday .. But I'm not going . I know I sound over protective but I don't know what to do ! I don't think he likes me anymore ! And I'm really worried ! He my everything and I wouldn't know what to do without him ! Please help ? Thanks so much ! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): I will add to my advice below. For the benefit of others and not just you.
When you are being mistreated and ignored by someone; you give them the space they are asking for. The silence means: "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!"
It may be necessary for a woman on the receiving-end of this situation to want to get to the bottom of the issue. However; you have already described the behavior and events leading up to his sudden silence.
SO AGAIN, WHY WOULD YOU CALL HIM?
I'm adding this additional advice; because I know that men behave differently emotionally. We don't always express our emotions verbally. He was a coward, and felt by just ignoring you; that you'd get the message without an emotional confrontation. Men hate emotional confrontations with women who are upset. There is no such thing as a clean breakup. Somebody always gets hurt.
I knew the outcome would be a breakup. I don't care who initiated the breakup during the phone call; however, his behavior was his way of breaking up by using silence.
My dear, in the days to come; expect emotional rumination and recall of all these past events. You will miss him and agonize over what he is doing, and what he must be thinking.
I know because I've been through it. Your recovery from this painful experience will only begin; when you work to get on, and get away from the source of the pain. Talking to people who have dumped you is like pouring alcohol over an open wound. They will only say the things your heart cannot bear to hear.
They don't need or want you anymore.
So read all you can about making a recovery after a breakup.
Suspend all contact. No reading his Facebook page, no calls in the middle of the night, no text messages, and no apologies. Apologies don't matter after a fresh breakup.
It doesn't matter once he has closed you off; because he will not be listening. He just wants it to be over; so he can get over you.
He hurts too. He will pretend to be tough, and thinks running with other girls will make his pain go away. It won't. He'll worry about you. He'll wonder if you will try to see other guys. He will post things on Facebook to psychologically terrorize and manipulate you; in an attempt to keeping you pining for him.
Get in touch with your mom, your best friends, and get busy doing every darn thing that makes you feel good. Talk to your dad, he knows how men are. He'll know the words you need to hear. I hope you have a good connection with your parents and family. That is so very important.
Let the emotions flow. Stay close to the people that give you love and tender loving care. He isn't the last; nor the best guy you'll ever have. He was just a lesson to teach you what happens when you make a guy, or girl, the center of your universe.
Never place a man on a pedestal. Keep his feet on the ground. You don't need a man. You just want to be loved. He doesn't know how to love you the way you deserve to be. Now you know.
Do not put so much of yourself into caring for a guy. That is unsafe and too needy. It causes you grow an unhealthy addiction to him; and you'll develop the idea you can't function unless he is in your life. Two people have to reciprocate with mutual respect for each others feelings.
You shouldn't tip the scale in a relationship. It should be balanced.
"He my everything and I wouldn't know what to do without him !"
THAT IS A LIE YOUR HEART WILL TELL YOU; BECAUSE HE IS OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF TOUCH.
Take good care of yourself. Force yourself to eat right. Stay fit and keep that body moving. Reach out to every source that will give you a positive vibe; and push, push, push. Don't let yourself sink, fight your way back to the surface.
It may take time, but he'll be a distant memory and you'll find the guy who was really intended to be the right guy for you. It always works out. Just not as quickly as we wish it could. That's life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): I will add to my advice below. For the benefit of others and not just you.When you are being mistreated and ignored by someone; you give them the space they are asking for. The silence means: "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!"It may be necessary for a woman on the receiving-end of this situation to want to get to the bottom of the issue. However; you have already described the behavior and events leading up to his sudden silence. SO AGAIN, WHY WOULD YOU CALL HIM?I'm adding this additional advice; because I know that men behave differently emotionally. We don't always express our emotions verbally. He was a coward, and felt by just ignoring you; that you'd get the message without an emotional confrontation. Men hate emotional confrontations with women who are upset. There is no such thing as a clean breakup. Somebody always gets hurt.I knew the outcome would be a breakup. I don't care who initiated the breakup during the phone call; however, his behavior was his way of breaking up by using silence.My dear, in the days to come; expect emotional rumination and recall of all these past events. You will miss him and agonize over what he is doing, and what he must be thinking.I know because I've been through it. Your recovery from this painful experience will only begin; when you work to get on, and get away from the source of the pain. Talking to people who have dumped you is like pouring alcohol over an open wound. They will only say the things your heart cannot bear to hear. They don't need or want you anymore. So read all you can about making a recovery after a breakup.Suspend all contact. No reading his Facebook page, no calls in the middle of the night, no text messages, and no apologies. Apologies don't matter after a fresh breakup.It doesn't matter once he has closed you off; because he will not be listening. He just wants it to be over; so he can get over you. He hurts too. He will pretend to be tough, and thinks running with other girls will make his pain go away. It won't. He'll worry about you. He'll wonder if you will try to see other guys. He will post things on Facebook to psychologically terrorize and manipulate you; in an attempt to keeping you pining for him.Get in touch with your mom, your best friends, and get busy doing every darn thing that makes you feel good. Talk to your dad, he knows how men are. He'll know the words you need to hear. I hope you have a good connection with your parents and family. That is so very important. Let the emotions flow. Stay close to the people that give you love and tender loving care. He isn't the last; nor the best guy you'll ever have. He was just a lesson to teach you what happens when you make a guy, or girl, the center of your universe. Never place a man on a pedestal. Keep his feet on the ground. You don't need a man. You just want to be loved. He doesn't know how to love you the way you deserve to be. Now you know. Do not put so much of yourself into caring for a guy. That is unsafe and too needy. It causes you grow an unhealthy addiction to him; and you'll develop the idea you can't function unless he is in your life. Two people have to reciprocate with mutual respect for each others feelings.You shouldn't tip the scale in a relationship. It should be balanced."He my everything and I wouldn't know what to do without him !" THAT IS A LIE YOUR HEART WILL TELL YOU; BECAUSE HE IS OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF TOUCH.Take good care of yourself. Force yourself to eat right. Stay fit and keep that body moving. Reach out to every source that will give you a positive vibe; and push, push, push. Don't let yourself sink, fight your way back to the surface.It may take time, but he'll be a distant memory and you'll find the guy who was really intended to be the right guy for you. It always works out. Just not as quickly as we wish it could. That's life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 July 2013):
 I would have called him too, just to let him know that it's over, I agree you can't ignore your partner, BUT I don't believe that it is ALWAYS the guy's "job" to call the girl.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you !(: and yes I did call him .. He ended up texting me last night and we broke up :/ but I know it was the right thing (:
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): Honestly, if a guy hasn't called his girlfriend in six days, and he's contacting everyone but her.Why should she bother calling him? Just so he can ignore her, or hangup, and make her feel worse? He's going to the beach with a couple of other girls, with her full knowledge. Only to mentally torment her. The point is to let his girlfriend know he does not respect her, and he is dumping her. He knows she is upset; but his silence says loudly: HE DOESN'T CARE!It is an unhealthy relationship; in the fact that you are way too into the guy. This is scary to most guys; and some guys don't like it, because it comes across as too clingy and desperate. Flip the script and just stop reacting, and just get quiet.Don't call him. Make him wonder why. Make him miss you and have to chase you. The way to make the silent treatment loose it's affect, is not to react to it. Trust me.In the end, you will learn you are better off without him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 June 2013):
Have you tried picking up a phone and calling him?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): I'm sorry dearie, but it sounds like your boyfriend is not showing the respect, not just the attention, you deserve. While you are really frustrated with him, find a good time to talk with your man about his behavior. You can initiate the conversation, but be careful to not be accusatory. Stay calm! If he's cool about not talking to you for a few days, you can also be cool. A relationship should be a partnership of two equals, we have to be wary of giving too much. If talking with your guy doesn't help, or if he is disrespectful to you as a woman, you should consider distancing yourself from this guy. No man should be your whole world (what are girlfriends for?) and there should be balance in your relationship. You shouldn't feel like you are doing all the work to maintain your love.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): You are being a victim of the silent treatment; and you are being emotionally abused. NO MAN IS YOUR EVERYTHING! Telling someone that; who is abusing you, is giving him exactly what he wants. He is breaking you down. He is weakening your spirit to control you.You are unraveling from stress; because guys who do this have a pattern of doing it whenever they don't get their way. This is cruelty, and allowing yourself to be subjected to it; can cause you psychological harm over time. He is ditching you the hard way. Sounds like it's his brand of punishment.I know you aren't going to listen to this advice; because you are totally obsessed with this guy.Let him go with the two other women. This is the way it is going to be from now on. He knows how it tears you apart; so it is now an effective way to beat you into submission without raising a fist. Going for the mind is how you make criminals breakdown, and confess under mental duress. You have no choice but to breakup with him. He is in the process of breaking up with you now; but he wants to leave you too damaged to find anyone else right away.. For your sake, I hope he hasn't been your boyfriend for very long. It's likely by now he is already over you anyway.Perhaps you will listen to other women; but I have witnessed this kind of abuse before, and I know what it does to people. I also know the final outcome, when a guy is this cruel to a woman. He is ready to break it off.Sorry to be so brutal, but you need to prepare yourself.
...............................
|
