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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > Let's make up some Limericks...

Let's make up some Limericks...

BigSis, posted over a year ago

....I'll start you off.

A worn out old prozzy named Annie

Her prices both expensive and canny

A quid for a fuck

50 pence for a suck

And a 2p for a feel of her fanny.

Posted on 27 March 2008 @ 13:47 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

HEE!!!! HEE!!!!

There was a young boy called jim

Who thought he would go for a swim

So he jumped in the pool

And felt such a fool

CAUSE THERE WAS NO WATER IN!!!!!!BOOM BOOM!!!!!

Posted on 28 March 2008 @ 9:51 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

OUCH!!!

Twas Love at first sight - of your leg

You made me grovel and beg

With those sexy foot wiggles

And those toe tapping signals

You ended up with a blinding nest egg!!

(No pun intended, Ms Mills)

Posted on 29 March 2008 @ 3:29 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

OMG You are hilarious, you should be on telly

Posted on 29 March 2008 @ 23:20 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

What a sweet little care bear you are

You're the cutest little care bear by far

You compliment me, saying I should be on TV

Who knows - I may earn an Oscar.

Posted on 29 March 2008 @ 23:52 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

A crazy young Brit, BigSis

Never a witty post she would miss

Her comments are spry

Never missing a reply

Except when she goes for a piss...

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 0:30 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

Your name is big sis

You love taking the piss

with all of your poems and jokes

I think your a star

your sure to go far

and that is the end of this folks!

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 0:39 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

I'll get you for that you ol' Wizard

Come rain, snow or even a blizzard

I'll grab your white beard

And make sure that it's sheared

And shaved off after it's scissored!!

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 0:39 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

How strange is that Wix we both used the same words big sis piss! We must have been thinking at the same time.

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 0:41 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Charming..! must say!!! {: o

All the Aunties they give him a thrill

Every encounter they have is just brill

We don't mind sharing thee

It's quite good therapy

Who fancies a 3-sum Dr Phill?

: )

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 0:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

How right you are carebear

We both said the same word just there

But your other typo tricks

Have you calling me "Wix"

Although we can call piss "Wiz" if we dare!

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 0:56 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

Wiz Waz just gave it a thought

I think for a min I was losing the plot

Although my names care

I'm not willing to share

So thank you big sis

I shall give it a miss.

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 2:4 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

There once was a man from Dundee

Who willy was strapped to his knee

When he married his bird

That night she referred

'There's no way that's going up me!'

Posted on 30 March 2008 @ 4:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

A lovely aunt called big sis

Im sending a cyber hug and kiss

She makes me giggle

And then I piddle

And its always the loo that I miss!!!!!!!!

Posted on 31 March 2008 @ 21:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There was a man from Ghent

Who had a penis so long it bent

It was so much trouble

That he kept it double

And instead of coming he went!!!!!!!!!

Posted on 31 March 2008 @ 21:46 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

I love it!! Thanks Mandy....(you nutcase!): )

There is this aunt called Mandy

Whose advice is sometimes quite handy

Her only fault are the CAPS - she should halt

And her obsession with choclits and candy!!

: ) XxX

Posted on 1 April 2008 @ 0:15 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There was a young charmer called Tim

Who liked to do abit of fishin

He reeled it out and it caused such a fuss

As he reeled it back in twas caught in the Mrs's bush!!!!!!!!

These are gettin bad!!! But tiz good fun!

I LOVE ME CAPS!!!

TIZ THE WAY I BE EXPRESSIN

HOW I CAN SHOUT FROM THE ROOFTOPS

TO OUTER SPACE

THAT IM A NUTTY TART WHO LOVES TO POP

A SMILE ON YA FACE!!!!!(:0)XXXXXX

Posted on 1 April 2008 @ 12:15 (London time) - permalink
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Susan Strict, posted over a year ago

Not a limerick, but you might like it anyway (if you can figure it out - feel the words instead of trying to work out their meanings!!!).

"His Dankle was Shankle"

He brinkled the smarkset as she grend the clops

And her misket was whisket with jinrendy trops,

Her sighs filled the treeg as he tried to slambok

But his dankle was shankle; it slanked like a gnock.

“Get it reedjit and turgone,” she cried with a brint

“I’ve no use for a primply whose panshing’s gone fint.

If your rodkit won’t dank then you’d best get some breg

For it’s only a scantlode at Arthur’s and Weg.”

“Just give me a haddrab,” he said with a freel,

“I know I can slambok like any good kreel.

I’m nervous and spargone, my weef’s like a milj

So just krankle my dankle, I’ll soon slik the filj.”

“You got no chance,” she spungled with slom on her frone,

“If you can’t make it turgone, you krank on your own!”

“You could smunter my fissage,” he said with a grin,

“You can bet that my lelk will make your misket frin.”

“That’s a felch of a risk that you’re taking, my lurge,”

She warned, though her enns both grew harge at the murge.

“I might smangle your nadle or crangle your nod,

Or in grasmic your bringling might enjon and jod.”

“It’s a risk that I’ll take,” he confuelled with skeef,

“For in truth I think smunter will reedjit my weef.”

“On your own nod!” she cried as she nangled her misk

And he lay on his sparn while she slimpled the hisk.

‘Tween her sumples he lelked as she smuntered his fiss

And the treeg salled and merrowed her mungrowing tiss

Then he lelked and he lelked ‘til he could lelk no more

At her misket so whisket o’er him on the floor.

“Don’t stop now!” she cried as her grasmic drew near,

And she pressed on his nadle with misket and trear.

“I can’t bringel,” he munged, “My nod’s enjon and durm!”

But her hearing was deaf to the cries ‘neath her lurm.

Now she shangled and fingled, she shundered and flod,

While he enjonned and jod, and she crangled his nod.

Her sumples gipped tighter, his nadle felt brunk,

And he feared that his bringel was finally sunk.

With a shunder she grasmicked, a screek rent the air

And the whisket near drowned him so helplessly there.

She fell on her sparn as he fought for his bringe

And she lay there all fingling and stummered with jinge.

“Hey, look!” came his cry as he raised off his sparn,

“My dankle is reedjit, it’s turgone I clarn!

Let me slambok the misket like any good kreel

And I know that I’ll soon make you shunder and preel.

She shook her head sadly, “I’m grasmicked right out,

And my misket is hurd as a sandwamper’s jout.

I can’t help you with dankling, I’m karkled and frone,

As I told you before you must krank on your own”

Posted on 1 April 2008 @ 15:31 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

There was a young gigolo named Bruno

Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know

All women are fine

And sheep are divine

But Llama's are numero uno!"

: )

Posted on 1 April 2008 @ 16:46 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

There was a young auntie named bigsis

Who longs a wee bit for a cig (hiss)

She makes the right calls

But it does take some balls

To see the diff 'tween a nut and a fig, miss.

There was a young lassie called Mandy

With advice and xxxxxx's she's quite handy

But give her a choice

She'll say in loud voice

"I have lots to say if you're too randy!"

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 2:52 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

A fabulous Auntie named Tisha

Has more common sense than a teacher

With her fab replies

She brings tears to my eyes

I want to reach out and just kiss 'er!

As for that great ol' Wizard of Waz

His replies spick n' span ~ it's becaz

With his nice shiny wand

It reaches far and beyond

'Coz overnight he soaks it in Daz.

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 3:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There was a young lad called Paul

His walk made him look ever so tall

He leapt on the bus

And tripped over my puss

Now hes lying head first in the mall

(crap, i know, but i am at work)

xxxxx

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 12:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There is a fab aunt called sandra

Who even at work can cause laughter

So keep it up hunny

Your so kind and funny

N u couldnt get much dafter!!!!!(In the nicest poss way my fwiend) (:0) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 13:40 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

There is a fab site called DearCupid

Which helps the lovelorn and stupid

It brightens the day

As Bogey might say

"Andrew, here's looking at you, kid!"

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 15:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hey Tisha my mate your gettin good

Its addictive and mad and misunderstood

Or is it just me thats mad and a nutta

Hunny it It helps on this site to get all the smiles you can muster

Your definatly not crap

So take your hat off here's a bit pat on the back!!!! Squishy hugs me XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (:0)

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 16:39 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

I don't think it's that much of a biggy

Well..To be honest, I couldn't give a figgy

I no like the smoke ~

Of a rolled up toke

I prefer to be smoking a ciggy?

If you no like the smell of a spliff

Even tho' it can give you that lift

It's ok...I can say ~

Glade's air freshnin' spray

Will get rid of that lingering whiff!!

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 17:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Big pat on the back Tisha!!!!!!Not bit! 23hrs no sleep ouch!!!!!!mind you

The beer may work just fine

Or maybe a glass or two of wine

Then maybe a gin

1 3 5 6 7 8 9!!!!!!!!!!!hick!(:0)

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 21:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I wish i could make up a tune

but hey what do i care i'm immune

I'll whip up a cake

oh for pity sake

Let all just head for the pub!

hahaxxxxxxxxxxxxx hick.

Posted on 2 April 2008 @ 23:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

yea hick double hicks all round!!!!love ya hun:)

Posted on 3 April 2008 @ 0:22 (London time) - permalink
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carebear, posted over a year ago

This site has us laughing with tears!

And responding to everyone's fears!

So offer some T & go for a P!

If all else fails, we can do a Bruce Lee!

Kick where it hurts, not on his knee!

You can then do a Bobbit, and chop off his willy!

But then again that's rather silly!

Find a Prince Charming that treats you like gold!

And if he fucks up!

Low & behold!

Posted on 3 April 2008 @ 12:49 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Arrrr! Little carebear that was so sweet

I no this site is one you cant beat

But yea bruce lee could give us a run for our money

But im reading his book so dont worry hunny

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(:O)

Posted on 3 April 2008 @ 20:46 (London time) - permalink
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Jmo, posted over a year ago

They picked me up in a car

I thought nothing of it by far

Dan heard that I loved him

Al found out and shoved him,

And now I'm stuck here at the bar!

pretty damn close to a true story

Posted on 3 April 2008 @ 21:26 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

There's Care Bear and Mandy and Tisha

And Doc Pete, Doc Phill and Waterloo

They're a few Agony Aunts

With advice and some rants

Not forgetting Uncle Trev and D'Lepew

I must add Irish, Toasty and Tellulah

Baby Duck and like me ~ an Older Sister

Not one of them stupid

Who'll advise on Dear Cupid

Oh yes almost forgot, Dear-kelja

There's many, many more, too many to mention

We're all here to relieve stress and tension

Let's aim for the million

Is there an Aunt Lillian?

Andrew's the coolest by far...an exception!!

;^ )

Posted on 3 April 2008 @ 22:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thats a good one my friend bigsis

So here for you is a big kiss

keep up the good work

games joke and the quirks

without you the site would very much miss! X

Posted on 4 April 2008 @ 18:36 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There once was a lad called Pete

He had the most massive pair of feet

But if tradition still stands

and you measure by hands.

Then his cock must of been down to his feet.

Boom boom.

take care and love you all.

Posted on 6 April 2008 @ 0:5 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

David Tennant loves playing Dr Who

Problem is the tardis reeks of poo

A time machine it's not

Don't believe it - that rot

It's really a glorified loo!!

{: o)

Posted on 6 April 2008 @ 2:1 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I wish i could make up a limerick

to outdo the other aunts would be jimerick.

I'm new to this post

and i wish you all the most

Good times in the future

lah de dah, rubbish i know!

Posted on 7 April 2008 @ 16:16 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Not rubbish at all my love

your joining in with all of the above

so welcome new friend, we are all quite nutty

so it sounds like you've joined the right club

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (:0)

Posted on 7 April 2008 @ 21:49 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Isn't it great to see such fun newcomers

To join us ~ Cupid's resident bummers

We're here for eachother

And solve problems for one another

And carry on from Summer 'til Summer.

Posted on 8 April 2008 @ 0:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thank crunchie its friday

Ive had a bad week

Its one of those tired days

its bed videos n crisps n sweets

if todays not perfect friend there would be no need for for tomorrow.

So to all my friends who have worrys and pain

Im thinking about you and I no all your names..

love mandy XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 11 April 2008 @ 15:22 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Confucious say, "People who eat crackers in bed will have crumby sleep."

Hope the weekend is fun and relaxing Mandy!

Posted on 11 April 2008 @ 15:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Ta tisha you always pop a smile on my face hun ive just hoovered the bed (:0) little rug rat in bed munching on alsorts!!!!!!TEE HEE!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 11 April 2008 @ 17:54 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

While positioning over the bowl

A report blew forth from his hole

Though the mens' room was hushed

By his courtesy flush

He'd finally accomplished his goal.

By Hugh G. Rection

The art of the limerick an old one.

The shower she'd taken ~ a gold one.

Tho' she was his missus

And he loved rainbow kisses

Disgusting as it is to have told one.

Posted on 11 April 2008 @ 19:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

We try to be kind, but you must keep in mind,

As we say now in verses and rhymes....

Every time you bend over,

To pick up that clover,

That gravity sure sucks sometimes!!!!

Posted on 12 April 2008 @ 12:58 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

But Mandy, when you bend over...

...And your fella says "cooooor!!"

Does he realise ~

That your tits have touched the floor?!"

So do as I do ~

It's your best bet by far

And take yourself to Mark's

For that sexy Wonderbra!!!

It'll assist'em

With that extra leaverage

And pull'em closer together

For that juicy cleaverage!!

(. V .)

Posted on 12 April 2008 @ 14:42 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

HEEEEEEEEEE!! HEEEEEE!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

My tities couldnt touch the floor unless I lay on it!!!!!!

Tiz the 34 b that I think has to do wiv ity

But my breast doc said "why your breast are so pert"

As I ran down the road all smiles and happy

I didnt need a sports bra to stop any face bruise from the tittie!!!!!(:0)

Posted on 12 April 2008 @ 16:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

My son found these had to share them!!!!!

There once was a man from Peru

Who had a lot of growing up to do,

He'd ring a doorbell,

then run like hell,

Until the owner shot him with a .22

There once was a man from kanass

Who's nuts were made out of brass

in stormy weather

he'd clack them together

and lightning shot out of his ass

Didnt even know he new wot I was up to....:)

Posted on 12 April 2008 @ 17:8 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

A series of connected Limericks of a nautical nature:

'Twas on the good ship Venus

By God, you should have seen us

The figurehead

Was made of lead

And shaped like the Captain's penis

The Captain's wife was Mabel

Whenever she was able

She gave the crew

Their daily screw

Upon the galley table

The First Mate's name was Hopper

By God, he had a whopper

Twice round the deck

Once round his neck

And up his arse for a stopper

The Captain's randy daughter

She fell into the water

Delighted squeals

Revealed that eels

Had found her sexual quarter

The Second Mate's name was Carter

By God, he was a farter

When the wind wouldn't blow

And the ship wouldn't go

We'd get Carter the farter to start 'er

The Fourth Mate's name was Morgan

A homosexual gorgon

A dozen crows

In rows could pose

Upon his sexual organ

'Twas in the Adriatic

Where the water's almost static

The rise and fall

Of arse and ball

Was almost automatic

So now we end this serial

Through sheer lack of material

We wish you luck

And freedom from

Diseases venereal.

# There are other verses, but they're a bit rude.

Posted on 13 April 2008 @ 16:9 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

That was side splitting, don't think I could beat that one Uncle Phil, now you've put mine to shame. Gonna give it go though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young Cornish sailor named Phil

Took fancy to a young wench named Lil

She was impressed with his todger

So he give her a good jolly roger

And all day he was firing at will.

****

The crew on the ship saw the action

They really didn't need the distraction

For that moment ~ dropped the anchor

'Cos first bosun ~ the wanker

Couldn't help chugging on his erection!

****

So the sailor from somewhere in Devon

From his ship he went straight up to heaven

With Lil right behind

To continue their grind

With the crew as onlookers all seven!

Posted on 13 April 2008 @ 22:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I don't know how you do it Sis -

That was highly amusin'

But a crew of seven?

Nah, just you'n me,

We'll be happy enough just a cruisin'

(and I'm not surprised that Lil was impressed!)

Posted on 13 April 2008 @ 22:45 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Not surprised that Lil was impressed?

You're braggin' and boastin' I guess

Could she sit side saddle ~

While you used it to paddle

The whole 23 miles of Loch Ness?

: )

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 4:4 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm none too clever at making 'em up, but here's a cracker instead! :-

There was a youing lady named Gail

'Twixt her tits was the price of her tail

On her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information in Braille!

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 17:52 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Uncle Phil...if you just made that up

I thought it was pretty 'blinding'

I enjoy making up these rhymes ~

It helps me with unwinding.

You too should find it thrillin'

In your time~out while you're chillin'

Just take your time and work them out

If you can be arsed and willing!

{: ^ )

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 19:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There was a young lady from Exeter

So pretty that men craned their necks at her

One went so far

As to wave from his car

The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

There was a young fellow named Keith

Who liked to be fondled beneath

It was fun, he decided

But only provided

The girl used her lips, not her teeth.

There was a young lady of Kew

Who said, as the curate withdrew

"The vicar is thicker

And quicker and slicker

And two inches longer than you".

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 20:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Just a thought - what's the definition of 'a hung jury'?

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 20:26 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

I don't know...12 guys with donkey dicks?

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 21:31 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

That's more or less what I was thinking. Just wondered if there were any better ideas out there!

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 22:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There was a young man from Missouri

Who f***ed with a terrible fury

Till hauled into court

For his bestial sport

And condemned by a poorly hung jury.

Posted on 14 April 2008 @ 22:46 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

: D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now for a home~made prayer by Moi:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Dear Aunts, I am no tease

Shield me, I beg, come help me, please,

If Cupid catches me he'll have me binned

I pray to thee, for I have not sinned.

Help protect me, for i'm cacking bricks

I am all innocent, no jokes or tricks.

My life's worth more

As you can see

Come to thy aide, I beg of thee.

If the truth be known

He's one to talk

For He doth love too ~ to get it sown

So if He says that I am bust

You lot will never see me for dust.

Ahhh...men!

Posted on 15 April 2008 @ 1:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There once was a fellow called Sweeney

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Now, just to be couth

He added vermouth

And slipped her a double Martini

There once was a woman named Melanie

Who was asked by a man "Do you sell any?"

She replied "No Siree,

I give it for free,

To sell it dear sir, is a felony".

***********************

It's the way I tell 'em!

Posted on 15 April 2008 @ 10:33 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Here's one for SouthernMan;

That naughty ol' Bishop of Birmingham

Buggered three maids while confirming 'em,

As they knelt seeking God, he excited his rod,

And pumped his episcopal sperm in 'em.

And here's another for Uncle Phil;

The sea captain's tender young bride

fell into the bay at low tide,

You could tell by her squeals,

that some of the eels

had discovered a good place to hide.

And finally...

for now...

There was a sad chap from Southall

Who's prick was incredibly small.

When his girlfried measured it

She found it was not

More than four-fifths of five-eigths of fuck all.

: )

Posted on 15 April 2008 @ 23:43 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

God's plan made a hopeful beginning,

But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;

We trust that the story

Will end in great glory,

But at present the other side's winning.

That ones for my lovely son who's team lost to man u at the weekend TEE! HEE! HEE! Evil mum laugh!!!!(:0)

Posted on 18 April 2008 @ 16:36 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

The Red Devils by far score best goals

With Rooney and Neville and Scholes

I'm in footballer's heaven

Watching the Red's best eleven

Kickin' shit outta the other team's trolls.

'Come on you Red's!!'

: ^ O

Posted on 22 April 2008 @ 0:18 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

The fabulous Wizard of Waz

Retired from the business, becaz

What with up~to~date science

To most of his clients

He wasn't the Wizard he Waz.

Posted on 26 April 2008 @ 12:4 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

*Ahem* This is an old one but its enough to make me giggle:

Cowboy Billy

had a 10foot willy

and he showed it to the girl next door. She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake and now its only 5foot4.

aaw poor cowboy, still hung like his horse though. hehe

Posted on 13 June 2008 @ 23:58 (London time) - permalink
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jay12toes, posted over a year ago

i am a man of 12 toes

with two of them wrapped up in bows

"can we see?" i hear them say

well yes you may

but id be sure to cover your nose

that one was about me..... sorta

Posted on 14 June 2008 @ 1:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I agree with what you just said oh BigSis

From over-using BLOCK CAPS we should desist

So bear in mind Randy Mandy

Whenever thinking CAPS be handy

Please wonder why most aunties give it a miss

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 18:8 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Got no choice Waz - to give it a miss

With a huff and a puff and a hiss

But poor Randy Mandy

For her it's quite handy

We can't help it, taking the piss.

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 22:30 (London time) - permalink
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Susan Strict, posted over a year ago

Oh you're surely not taking the piss?

It's the fault of that Wazard of Wiz?

To criticise CAPS

I think Waz needs some slaps -

It's amiss and remiss, yes it is.

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 22:38 (London time) - permalink
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Uncle Sneaker, posted over a year ago

Please DON'T start our Susan on rhyme,

She'll be at it for ALL of the time,

There's nothing much worse

Than Ms Strict doing verse

Stop her now! It's the WORST heinous crime.

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 22:53 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Have you ever tried slapping a Scot?

You're forgetting the temper they've got

If at a Scot should you take the piss

You'll end up with a Glasgow Kiss

And he'll just stand there yellin'; 'YOU WHAT'??!!!

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 22:55 (London time) - permalink
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Susan Strict, posted over a year ago

Don't you DARE disapprove of my verse,

'Cos I know you're just being perverse,

All my words you adore

And you beg me for more -

Anyway, all YOUR poems are worse.

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 22:58 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Oooh dear it's a domestic dispute

Ol' Sneaker and Susan rebuke

Don't argue dear mates

We're full of loves here, not hates

Pass me a bucket, think I'm gonna puke!

Posted on 22 June 2008 @ 23:11 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Ol' Sneaker and Miss Strict had a spat

They kept fighting about this and about that

But it was all done for show

Just so you'll know

They think aunties should be deaf, dumb and blind.

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 2:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hey I think that my poetry is good

I think I'll stay in this neighbourhood

I've been trying so hard

Now my arse feels like lard

Because I've been writing and sitting all day

Hey... that was pretty good, practice does not make perfect (Beams with pride)

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 2:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Diovan's efforts, not the worst

A good attempt at a poetic burst

But in our limerlick rhyme

Remember that last line

Must always rhyme with the first!

Well done you anyway. Great stuff! *pats her head and gives her a sweetie*

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 3:41 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Spits out sweetie and takes out gun... Now let's not get too friendly now.....

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 4:8 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Wow Wizzy, that was really quite good

You're rhyming's got better and not rude

You surprise me because

You're not just the Wizard of Waz

But a Wizard who's as cool as a dude.

=======

Now Diovan's threatened you with her gun

I'd be cackin' If I was the one

Wither her horse trail ablazin'

And her spurs they'd be grazin'

If I were you I'd bloody well run!!

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 5:22 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Right now I should be going to work

Im meeting the boss and he maybe a jerk

So wish me goodluck I'll take me communicator

And if things get abit weird I'll ask them to beam me up back to kirk!!!!(:0)

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 9:35 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Good luck and hope all goes well

Act calm, and if he's a jerk you'll tell

What good are communicators

Will they stop you talking in capped letters?

Careful the beaming don't send you to hell.

==================================

Surely you're not a Trekky ~ are you?

I can't imagine you into that too

Bet you love their tight gear

And Spock's left pointy ear

Sending you off to warp factor two!

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 10:59 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

ooooh captain picky

was my fav skippy

he had all the sex appeal

To make me go all dippy....

Its me dads fault!!!!And have ye noticed that Im tryin me hardest to remember me caps lock..Pwease give us some credit hunny!!!!Im just a dappy but good at heart little pepper XXXXX

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 17:29 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

good job on the CAPS lock, missy pepper!

I love him too!

Ooh, I just love that hottie Picard.

To choose the best captain's not hard.

While Kirk's worthy of pinches,

When you measure in inches,

Jean-Luc's got him beat by a yard!

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 17:35 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xEZcslNOEBg

Who knew?

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 18:2 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Wow great, a gaggle full of Trekies, I'm a Trekie too. Live long and prosper. Now I've been hard at work with the poetry, so don't laugh I expect your awe and admiration.

Mrs Hot Chilli Spice went to work

From her duties she never will shirk

This morning she ran

Before my day had began

It's sex and coffee that keeps her alert

*************************************************

Big Sis has a very big smile

What's her secret I hear you reply

Well she went down in the sea

On a man with one knee

When she surfaced she cried "me oh my"

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 19:48 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

How on earth did you know that Lestat?

It's true, I admit, it's a fact

He was too 'hard' to resist

I couldn't use my left wrist

Instead my mouth acted it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was told I was born with all smiles

My teeth shine you can see me for miles

It's rare that I'm sad

That it makes me so glad

It's proven in all my profiles.

: )

Posted on 23 June 2008 @ 23:46 (London time) - permalink
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Collaroy, posted over a year ago

Big Sis you sure got it mate!!!

But let me introduce one for our Aussie friends, it is rather good so I apologise to all non antipodeans on this site.

enjoy:

The Ode To Belinda

For years I brown-nosed bastards from the Centre to the Right,

I fiddled with the numbers and I suck-holed day and night.

And when they wouldn’t have me, waited for the next election,

And then I bitched so loudly I was given pre-selection.

And now I make the bastards pay,

So if you need a deal

Remember who you’re talking to,

Belinda f---ing Neal.

If my soccer boot has hit some bitch and got her in the arse,

Well what the f---k could she expect just lying in the grass?

And then the bloody referee holds up a card of red

And gives me marching orders! Well, she wished that she was dead.

I shoved my nose into her face,

You should have heard her squeal!

Do you know who you are dealing with?

Belinda f---ing Neal.

I married Della Bosca though I felt a bit above him

And I beat him up occasionally to show him that I love him.

All in all it’s worked out well, he’s like a railway buffer

And if I get a bit too loud, it’s Iemma has to suffer.

But the MC at the wedding breakfast

Made a blue for real –

She called me Mrs. Della B, when I’m

Belinda f---ing Neal.

Now, that dinner by the waterside at Gosford (which I hate!)

The one they’re now referring to as my Iguanagate.

I didn’t swear (I never do!), I swear by all that’s proper,

I never said I’d close them down or lean on a local copper.

I only said, so nice and quiet

You could hear the church bells peal,

Do you know who you’re dealing with?

Belinda f---ing Neal!

But now it’s all been squared away, the matter put to rest,

Della’s apologised to himself, the thing he does the best.

“We’re sorry, sir and madam, for the hell we’ve put you through,

And if you come to visit, there’s a free meal here for you”.

His one mistake was stamping it

With his “Della Bosca” Seal.

He should have let me do it,

I’m Belinda F---ing Neal!

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 11:48 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

I say strooth mate! that was rather long

Un~like a poem, 'twas more like a song

You gave me food for thought,

A tear to my eye it had brought

Imagining her in a skin~tight thong!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you sure your name isn't Bruce?

I bet also you enjoy a nice goose

You fiddled with the numbers

and suck~holed day and night?

Oh Bruce and the goose filled with juice.

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 13:39 (London time) - permalink
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Uncle Sneaker, posted over a year ago

Did you mention a thong, BigSis?

Now my mind's gone, like down an abyss.

I'm sure it's all wrong

Picturing BigSis in a thong...

Ah well. Never mind. It's just bliss!

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 16:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

BigSis and her undies may bring

Temptation for Sneaker to swing

Unless just being jokey

He really meant karaoke

And which thong BigThith might thing.

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 16:52 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

I've always called my thongs 'magic nickers'

Instead of wiry floss or tooth pickers

But I'll tell you for one

They 'disappear' up my bum

How's that for magic, pop-pickers?

: ^ )

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 16:53 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

You made me laugh out loud, Waz, you ol' goat

Now you've given me a bleedin' sore throat

How on earth can I sing,

Thinking 'bout how I'd bring

My voice up to the highest pitched note?!

: ^ o

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 17:1 (London time) - permalink
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Uncle Sneaker, posted over a year ago

Waz, I've never "swung" in my life

'Cos I'm really in love with my wife

But I like a good flirt

With a nice bit of skirt -

Any more would just cause too much strife!

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 19:27 (London time) - permalink
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Susan Strict, posted over a year ago

You called BigSis a "nice bit of skirt"?

Very naughty, you rude old pervert.

Just dampen that fire -

From a distance admire -

Or you'll get a good slap - it'll hurt!

;)

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 19:34 (London time) - permalink
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Uncle Sneaker, posted over a year ago

Oh Sue! You’re my sun and my moon

And my stars and cool shadows at noon

My fire burns for you

And whatever you do..

(Could you lend me a tenner real soon?)

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 19:41 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

LOL!! Bravo! I'm Luvvin' this!

Sis wouldn't dare take your man, she implores

There's another one's interest in her drawers

She hears you so loud

And she hears you so clear

He's one hundred percent all of yours!

=============================================

Please don't fret Sue, he loves you, you hear?

I promise I wouldn't go near...

...Other Aunt's full time lovers

or even their bruvvers

Let's be friends now and go for a beer.

Posted on 24 June 2008 @ 20:46 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm needing help with this poetry thing.. what rymes with Pepper and being a convent girl.... Pepper, stepper, slapper... convent, hovent. stovent... Help, any advice would be appreciated... Remember I'm new at this stupid past-time.....

Posted on 30 June 2008 @ 0:41 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

pepper pepper the good little convent girl

she could make your hair and your toes curl

she likes a good slap-per right on her bot

that revs her up well!!!! quite alot!

Does that help hunny? you can carry on from there, Time for bed to much fun this weekend a squiffy wiffy toe curling weekend for this little nun (:0)

Posted on 30 June 2008 @ 1:8 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thanks Ms Hot Chilli Spice, but my poem is a secret. It's all about you, so I should be doing it all on my own. I noticed, you couldn't rhyme convent, so it's impossible I think. Have a great day at work, and be gentle on that boss of yours, because you know he thinks your great....

Posted on 30 June 2008 @ 8:29 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

pepper lived in a convent?

To what extent?

Are you sure?

"Twenty percent"

No twas an umbrella tent!!!!!!!! :)

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 0:47 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Lestat just can't rhyme, that's a fact

Tries her hardest with this and with that

She'll never make a poet

And she knows we all know it

Has more chances of turnin' into a bat.

^^..^^

As for Pepper she's got this pet rabbit

She'll stroke it and poke it and stabbit

Whilst living in the convent

It turned rather rampant

And now it's hidden up her habit.

^x^

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 4:10 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Oh how did you know about dear piglet,

Did you no she tis also a brunette,

Dear sis I could not stab her

with her lovely soft fur

And her love for dance music

She dances down to it!!!!!!

Its become quite the fiasco,

She just loves boogieing to Tiesto!!!:)

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 9:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

All right I give up....

Man loses horse.

Friends console him.

He says,

"I don't know whether this is good or bad -

it is just like that."

Horse returns with a wild horse.

Friends congratulate him.

He says,

"I don't know whether this is good or bad -

it is just like that."

Man's son breaks leg while training horse.

Friends console him.

He says,

"I don't know whether this is good or bad -

it is just like that."

War breaks out and all able young men have to fight.

Friends congratulate him.

He says,

"I don't know whether this is good or bad -

it is just like that."

After sunshine comes the rain;

after rain comes sunshine.

Neither good nor bad;

things are just like that.

I can't write poetry, neither good nor bad, things are just like that. Stuff that in your pants all you 'wimmin' with your clever tongues and quick way with words....

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 15:11 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

Hunny you dont need to rhyme to write something beautiful, And that was beautiful x

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 18:15 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thank you Pepper. It's time for me to tell the truth..... I didn't write that (Diovan hangs head in shame) I cut and pasted it from an internet site. Do you think anyone noticed? I promise I won't do it again.

I love reading your rymmes, but I'll have to face the truth. I just aint got no beat. I'm gonna be the only non-limerick person, sitting in the limerick board. (Boho)... Ah well, it's a good a place to hang out as anywhere else. (Diovan sits back, sips coffee and waits for the entertainment to begin)

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 19:24 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Diovan, you could try haiku or senryu. These are poems consisting of 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second, then 5 again in the third. And they do not need to rhyme!

Haiku generally invokes a sense of season, senryu is a variation with the same syllable counts, only it gives a sense of human nature, not the season and tends to be humorous. Also, it doesn't have to be strictly 5-7-5 syllables, it can be 10-14 in no particular order. If any of that makes sense, here are some examples.

Haiku:

Whitecaps on the bay:

A broken signboard banging

In the April wind.

Coming from the woods,

A bull has a lilac sprig

Dangling from a horn.

--Richard Wright

Senryu:

To express oneself

in seventeen syllables

is very diffic

--John Cooper Clarke

grocery shopping --

pushing my cart faster

through feminine protection

express checkout --

the fat woman counts

the thin man's items

So give those a go, Diovan! I'll try to come up with some too...

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 19:38 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Or not. Why do I feel I've brought the forum to a standstill?

Posted on 3 July 2008 @ 14:5 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Eh?

Posted on 3 July 2008 @ 17:41 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

you havent hunny bunny Im here WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!Love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 3 July 2008 @ 22:3 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

ya no diovan

I belive that if you sat down for awhile with paper n pen and thought about life you could come up with something GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRREAT! (:0)

Posted on 4 July 2008 @ 0:1 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Thanks Pepper, thanks Trish. Yep it's too early to give up. I know I can do this. I love that haiku or senryu stuff. I'm gonna go and get some information and try that. I liked what you wrote Trish, that hits the spot more than the limerick, poetry stuff. Maybe I won't be the only non-limerick person trying to limerick, I'm gonna try to be the haiku lady instead.

Haiku... even the name makes me smile. Now just got to find out what a syllable thing is. Thanks a lot guys, I'm going off to practice.

Posted on 4 July 2008 @ 1:43 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Hey Pepper, Tisha, Sneak and Diovan

Let's make up more limericks as best we can

Me thinks we're the best

Tho' others' try their best

D'you think our Andrew's a fan?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

O Andrew come out wherever you are

Prove to us you are better by far

Please give it a try

Or are you just shy?

Or are you still sittin' in that bar?

Posted on 4 July 2008 @ 2:28 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

I believe my mate dear sis

That mabe andrew is sunning himself and in bliss

With a brolly stuck out of a pint of stout

but maybe a spy or two will show him this.

Tiz then he may show us all up!!!!!

After he's had his last schlup!

Thats when we will get back up!

So come on get going our tish!!!!!!!

Posted on 4 July 2008 @ 9:55 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Change of scenery always does us good..let's have some more poetic laughs...so who would like to hear some nursery rhymes, you know, the censored type we never heard as kids?

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary had a little lamb.

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two chunks of bread.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man,

'What have you got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon,

'Pies, you dumb ass'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ok, so that one didn't rhyme.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Georgie Porgie pudding 'n' pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'coz he was gay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront apartment, and a sports car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: ^ )

Posted on 27 October 2008 @ 1:57 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted over a year ago

There is an aunt called big sis,

Who once again has started all this,

So diovan hunny dont start to worry

its just a little hit or a miss.

There once was a boy called jim

who thought he would go for a swim

he jumped in the pool

n felt such a fool

cause there was no water in...

Posted on 27 October 2008 @ 8:54 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

ATTENTION TO ALL LIMERICK WRITERS!

You MUST include the word KENTUCKY or NANTUCKET in all future Limericks.

Thank You and Have a Nice Day.

Posted on 27 October 2008 @ 19:30 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Now there’s a challenge!

A chicken farmer from Nantucket

Said “If only I could catch one I’d pluck it!”

But the hens ran so fast

That he fell on his ass

After sticking his foot in a bucket!

And I thought that up all on my own. Not bad for a first attempt, I'd say!

Posted on 27 October 2008 @ 19:45 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

You are a big party pooper.

X^P

Posted on 27 October 2008 @ 21:20 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I protest these unfair limitations~! :P I think you should at least be given a couple of chances to make a limmerick BEFORE the Kentucy and Nantucket bit.

Posted on 27 October 2008 @ 23:1 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Let's give 'em a break, I say Fade

They're amateurs and don't have it made

Unlike me, I'm an actress

I've had plenty of practice

'Til then - they are kept in the shade.

: )

Posted on 28 October 2008 @ 1:1 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Heeeeyyyyyyyy, awesome. *grins* I totally like that one.

Posted on 28 October 2008 @ 1:17 (London time) - permalink
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BigSis, posted over a year ago

Why thanks very much, fellow aunt

Some can only try - but they can't

Given half the chance

Without even a glance

They could if they would, but they shant!

Posted on 28 October 2008 @ 1:29 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

If rules were meant to be broken,

The "right" word would out rule the spoken,

And although I'm not paid, to make hay in the shade,

This needs "Nantucket" - at least in token.

I mean, at least, aren't Limericks supposed to be naughty?

Posted on 28 October 2008 @ 3:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,

But his daughter, named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

And as for the bucket, Nantookit.

Posted on 29 October 2008 @ 8:16 (London time) - permalink
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