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Just because I blocked him doesn’t mean I’m still stuck on him, right?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance, Social Media, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2019)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So, my ex and I broke up two years ago! We’re together about 2 years. It was a very toxic relationships. He never left me alone!

Him and I would break up he would show up at my job. Or he would put things on my car when I was at home.

He is in the military he is in a different country and when he moved I blocked him off social media, and his phone number.

He called me from another number and him and I have not spoken in the longest time!!!!

I asked him why do you have my number still??? He said, “ I can see why you have my number blocked. I don’t have a reason to block yours or delete it. You were everything I wanted but I wasn’t happy.

I don’t remember his exact words but we talked for a few minutes he also said how I wouldn’t let him go!!!! I don’t even want to be bothered by him.

I almost, feel as if he were saying that I am stuck on him!

He is the type of person that will show up to my home years later and act like everything was normal in the past. I keep him blocked because I want nothing to do with him.

Just because I block him it doesn’t mean I’m stuck on him right ? I want nothing to do with him.

View related questions: broke up, his ex, military, my ex

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (23 September 2019):

N91 agony auntI remember posting last time also.

PLEASE follow wiseowls advice. This man is becoming your harasser. DO NOT entertain his contact, end the calls and block the numbers and make a note of every unwanted contact he has made with you and report him! He won’t learn unless there are consequences.

I’ve read enough stories about crazy exes attacking or killing their ex partner to know that this IS NOT to be taken lightly.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (23 September 2019):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI remember your first letter to Dear Cupid, and at least one after that. From memory he broke up with you for somebody else and then changed his mind and started stalking you.

I don't know the laws about US military but Wise Owl's advise seems spot on, and if the military don't take action go to the police.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2019):

Men who are persistent, stalkers, or aggressive need notification through a legal-process to make them leave you alone. They'll get progressively agitated and scary.

Persistence is aggressive-behavior; so don't presume he won't hurt you.

He is active-military; so you have to contact his base commander's office, and file a complaint. You contact the base at their main number, give his name and rank; and you will be forwarded to his unit-commander's office. They will see that he receives proper warning; and may also require him to get counseling. He isn't allowed to harass civilians while in active-service, it's against military code.

You can't be wishy-washy, and every-time he shows-up out of nowhere just go into drama-mode. You need to contact the military police. Keep their number on speed-dial. Don't engage him in conversation. Hang-up the minute he identifies himself. Notes and objects left on your car or property should be surrendered to military authorities.

When he returns to base, they will reprimand him. If you are serving our country; you have to be on your best behavior, and in your best frame of mind. If you are exhibiting signs of mental-breakdown; it should be reported for the safety of his fellow-soldiers and other civilians. He may have access to weapons.

You might not feel comfortable about reporting him; but he doesn't seem to mind showing-up unannounced, or at your job.

You have to be proactive in putting an end to this. Being stuck on him makes no sense at all. It doesn't even register, when you're trying to get-away from him.

Time to end it once and for all. Guys who persist like that can be potentially dangerous. You have to do something about it; even if you feel uncomfortable about seeking help from law-enforcement. He should respect boundaries and leave you alone! He needs to know you're serious, by the action you take!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 September 2019):

Honeypie agony auntNo, you are so not stuck on him to with him.

HE WANTS YOU TO THINK HE IS YOUR ONLY OPTION.

From your side it's OVER and IF he EVER calls again, you need to tell him 1. to STOP calling you 2. be firm that it is OVER and YOU have moved on (regardless of whether you are dating or not).3 After you have told him this, IF he calls again, just end the call without talking to him and block that number.

IF he doesn't STOP, you might consider calling the police and file a stalking report. Make sure your work place, your friends and family knows NOT to give out your number or address and DO get a new phone number. Yes, I know it's inconvenient, but that is ONE way for him to NOT be able to call you again

This is a guy who doesn't take a "no I'm not interested" as an answer. The whole "he also said how I wouldn’t let him go!!!" is because HE won't admit that HE is the one who won't let you go. It's him deflecting reality.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (22 September 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony aunt

No, blocking him does NOT mean you are still "stuck on him" BUT, given the type of bloke he is, you are sending him mixed signals when you speak to him. He sees that as you still "wanting" him. In his world, you still love him, you still want him, you are just playing hard to get.

Change your phone number or stop answering numbers you don't recognize. Worst case scenario, if he manages to get through to you, cut the call off immediately you know it is him. Make it quite plain that you do not want anything to do with him.

If you are really serious about not wishing to have any contact from him, let him know that, if he contacts you again, you will take out a restraining order against him and do it.

This guy sounds dangerous. Try to keep yourself safe because he may start doing even more extreme things to get to you if you refuse to speak with him. Make sure he doesn't know your new address.

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