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Is 30 too old to date?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2022) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2022)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi there, this is my first time posting on here but I see people give really great advice.

I am currently going through a divorce with my husband of 9 years. Nothing messy, we have just grown apart over the years and I put that down to being so young when we got married. I love him as a best friend but the connection on a romantic level is completely non-existent. I know that a love usually mellows to something a lot more comfortable as the passion decreases but I’m sure at our age (30) there should still be some sort of physical attraction to him, which there isn’t.

As I have never really been in another relationship, I can only really assume these things.

I am absolutely terrified at the prospect of dating anyone else and the thought of being too old to even date!

Is this something that most divorced couples go through? Is 30 too old to date?

My husband and I are still close on a friendship level and we both hope to salvage that. I’m not sure if this matters but it was myself who requested we separate.

Thank you for any responses given.

View related questions: best friend, divorce

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2022):

Why not give it a try, and comeback and let us know!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (4 November 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI think you first need to let the dust settle from your divorce before looking to date someone else. Get used to being on your own, then you won't be desperate for a new relationship. In that way, anyone you date will need to bring something good to the table, not just their actual presence.

Regardless of how your relationship ended up with your husband, it will be strange for both of you when the other starts dating. I would strongly suggest not sharing details with each other until such time as you find yourself in a relationship you believe will last. Given that you were both young when you got together, you both need to stand on your own two feet and not rely on each other for emotional support. Imagine how it will look to a future partner if you are both in constant contact with each other, if you are still "friends". You need to distance yourselves a little to give yourselves chance to build new, separate lives.

And no, of course 30 isn't too old to date. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Take is slowly, pick wisely and enjoy. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2022):

Thirty is a good age to date - many date far too young when they are clueless, needy, naive, no idea of how to behave or talk to the other person, no idea of how to handle a relationship or what to realistically expect from the other person. I started dating my last partner about 9 years ago and am nearly 70 now. He is a few years older than me and we are terrific together.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (2 November 2022):

mystiquek agony auntYou are never too old to date. My mother and mother in law both lost their husbands and started dating again when they were in their 70s. They both found suitable partners and got remarried. See? I would suggest you step back and give yourself some time and space though. Staying friends with your ex partner can really made things confusing though. It might be easier for you with some distance between you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 November 2022):

Honeypie agony auntI'm sorry it didn't work out for the two of you.

I don't think 30 is too old. But I don't think THAT should be your focus right now, nor keeping your S-T-B-X-hubby around as a friend. He isn't your friend, he is your ex.

You will both sabotage potential new relationships down the road if you insist on staying friends with an ex-spouse. Because MANY people don't want to deal with a partner who has that kind of baggage. That doesn't mean you can not be civil and have SOME form of contact, but friends? Not really what I'd think would be smart. For me, that is a red flag. Others might disagree with me.

I do think FA is right that seeing a therapist would be a good thing. Work on you. Figure out who YOU are and worry about dating once you have gotten comfortable being JUST you again.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (2 November 2022):

kenny agony auntThe answer to your main question is no 30 is not to old to date. If the answer to that question was yes then it would not leave to much hope for people in their 40's 50's and beyond.

i am 46, my marriage ended in 2016 and yes its a daunting prospect of dating again, and starting a new life different from the one you have known for many years.

Yes i have dated since then, some were short lived and some were longer and more meaningful, but that's just life i guess.

I think that after your marriage it's important to find yourself again and not even contemplate dating again for a while. Enjoy being young free and single, have fun, do things that you love, the world is your oyster. Grab life with both hands and love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.

Don't ever be is a mad rush to meet anyone, desperation is a real turn off. I believe that like attracts like, and we attract people and circumstances that mirror the vibrations we are emitting.

Get everything sorted out with your marriage as this is probably going to take some time.

As i said, get all that behind you and get yourself to that good feeling place. I believe that finding a relationship should be natural and not forced. Get to that happy good feeling place and i bet you will meet someone when you very least expect it.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (2 November 2022):

Fatherly Advice agony auntOne

Ex partners don't make good friends.

Two

If twenty one is too young for a relationship, and if thirty is too old to date, you have created an impossibly narrow window to find a partner.

My advice:

I think you should rethink you assumptions about life.

Probably with some assistance from a licenced therapist. I'm not saying you are crazy, I'm saying you are going through a lot right now, your emotions are all over the place. Anyone in that place would need guidance.

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