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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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I don't like the person I have become now I am seeing a married man
Q. HELP ME PLEASE! im 26 seeing a married man for just nearly a yr now and im sooo unhappy, full of guilt, dont like the person i have become and i feel sick when i think of what im doing. I doubt he will ever leave her, she is lovely not a bit...
A. 1 July 2009: you cant hurt him or be angry with him because you love him.
when we love someone truly, we are good, we cannot hurt them. this is why u feel this way.
u are strong to throw out your anti depressants because like you say they disable rather t... (read in full...)
Scared about meeting my guy's friends!
Q. So tomorrow I'll be meeting my boyfriends roomates for the first time. He lives with his best friend of 10 years and his fiance, so it's a little more important than just meeting his friends for the first time, more like family. I'm completely...
A. 23 June 2009: oh i forgot to add, in my last post; dont get anxious and worry about meeting his roommates! just remember they are normal humans like you and me!! nothing to stress about! follow what i wrote earlier... ha!
good luck... (read in full...)
Scared about meeting my guy's friends!
Q. So tomorrow I'll be meeting my boyfriends roomates for the first time. He lives with his best friend of 10 years and his fiance, so it's a little more important than just meeting his friends for the first time, more like family. I'm completely...
A. 23 June 2009: Hi there!
firstly just try and be a polite version of yourself.
act friendly when you meet them, smile, strike up conversation anyone on the street can talk about eg
(talk shopping with her and credit crunch with him) !
i remember when ... (read in full...)
Father found out I had an abortion and I don't feel like talking about it with him
Q. A few months ago my 17 year old boyfriend and I ended up pregnant... we'd decided way before it ever happend what we would do.. Which for us sadly was abortion.. Now I know what your thinking baby killer right we'll my reasoning behind my decision ...
A. 23 June 2009: Hi there!
first of all, my heart goes out to you.its terrible to go through an ordeal of abortion and not have the correct support around.
you must remember Abortion is never an easy option for any woman and every woman whose had one has her ... (read in full...)
If you're in an LDR and it's working, PLEASE respond!
Q. I need to know if Long distance relationships work. So for all of you in happy LDR's, please respond and tell me that they work and you're happy. Also, how often do you see eachother? the guy i like is 6 hours away from me and we both are broke ...
A. 23 June 2009: ok you will get 2 types of views on this. I'll start with the 1st view:
yes long distance relationships can work if the two people are committed and love each other & are willing to make sacrifices..
for example my husbands brother, him & h... (read in full...)
Help me get over this crush...
Q. i have a big crush on someone but i dont know how to handle it. i know that a crush is a crush is a crush and a part of me doesn't want it to go away but i know i have to get over it and i dont know how to please how do i get over a crush...
A. 23 June 2009: crushes take some time to get over...
you cant just suddenly switch off from a crush, it takes alot of patience & time
in the meanwhile try taking up a new hobby, i know this often makes me forget the past!
good luck!... (read in full...)
I have no serious illness, so why is my hair falling out?
Q. This is kind of a health question. I recently cut my hair, because I had some of it falling out. I contemplated cutting my hair for some weeks. I know that it will grow back, but my question is this, is there any particular reason why my hair would ...
A. 23 June 2009: Hi there,
alot of things can cause hair to fall out, stress tension, diet, a variety of factors!
have you tried taking vitamins?
and maybe you should try massaging hair oil onto your hair 24 hours before you wash it... massage is nice fo... (read in full...)
I'm concerned about my girlfriends sexual past, we broke up. Have I done the right thing?
Q. I recently broke up with my girl because of things she has disclosed to me about her sexual past. I know that may sound immature but it wasnt just the fact that I had thoughts of the guys she told me about her having sex with. The situation ...
A. 22 June 2009: I dont think you were being harsh at all!
a relationship is about compromise, and if you feel genuinely uncomfortable about her being around these guys then you did the right thing by being honest with her.
relationship is based on trust a... (read in full...)
Was he trying to fob me off with his excuse?
Q. I've had a couple of dates with a wonderful man, the trouble is we met through a dating site, and left me wondering if he was also contacting other women, I got very drunk Saturday and he called me on the phone where I began ranting and raving about ...
A. 22 June 2009: Its hard to tell whether he did give you a brush off, maybe he did!
either way, you just have to leave it to him to contact you, he probably is seeing other women and keeping his options open right now.
i think instead of waiting for him ... (read in full...)
Opinions on age differences
Q. Is it okay for a 18 year old guy to date a 31 year old woman?...
A. 22 June 2009: yep thats perfectly fine. why shouldnt they date? if they have things in common and are happy with one another why not? life's too short!... (read in full...)
I'm seeing her on the side...
Q. I'm seeing this girl who has a BF. We've talked many times that she's not leaving him and I'm not in any rush and I'm just having fun. We have had sex about 3 different times and every time is amazing. She is an awesome girl and we click like no one ...
A. 22 June 2009: It sounds like this girl is using u both!
maybe she uses her bf for money and u for sex, either way she is a user.
Its more than likely the thrill of the affair is what makes the sex good, and it inevitable that this will end.
i doubt ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling jealous and insecure, he's cheated before
Q. My partner does a course involving a lot of women and very few male collegues (nursing) he goes twice a week, and they have all started going out to dinner together (well a group of 5 or 6 of them). I have started feeling a bit of green eyed ...
A. 22 June 2009: why dont u one day arrange to go along with him for the social dinner where they all get together?
this will give you a good opportunity to see who he hangs out with, before you let your thoughts drive you mad!
its terrible he goes out to dinne... (read in full...)
I've devastated my fiance by leaving him, it's hurting me too
Q. Ok I am in some need of help here, and any advice is greatly appreciated.. I posted on here recently about how I had cancelled my wedding to my fiance who I have been with for 3 years and that I was considering leaving him because I feel we just wan...
A. 22 June 2009: I think you've been very brave to be woman enough to be honest with him and let him go.
You did a noble act, and although he is gutted, you made the right decision for yourself.
Hurting other people isnt always our intention, but ultimately y... (read in full...)
About to become a senior...and scared!
Q. Well, I'm about to be a senior. Although my junior year wasn't horrible. In some parts it was pretty tough. I DID do my best though. Applying for college (art college) will be right around the corner and I'm getting so anxious... Scared my work and ...
A. 22 June 2009: Of course being scared about your grades is normal...
try not to worry too much try talking it over with other mates in the same position (i remmeber thats what i used to do at school)
- having other people in the same boat as me , really h... (read in full...)
How should I handle seeing my ex-boyfriend again, he will be visiting me soon?
Q. Help My boyfriend is coming around on friday for his car tax that arrived, we broke up six months ago after a 11 years he left me for another women. he never stopped texting me since he left and the texts have got much heavier over the last two ...
A. 22 June 2009: This ex boyfriend of your's doesnt sound very nice... he walked out on you after 11 years, why are u still carrying a torch for him?
what happens if u guys get back together you will be forever wondering would he walk out again when the going ge... (read in full...)
I feel like my friend's not interested
Q. I've got a good friend whose been away for ten days without being in touch with me until she returned, even though I sent her a text wishing that she was having a good time there. I wasn't too impressed with this and felt even worse when my Mum and ...
A. 22 June 2009: To be honest your friend is probably telling the truth. She was having way good of a time and just got caught up and forget to text back.
No harm done, she didnt do anything bad, she didnt murder anyone, she just didnt text back.
Dont judge yo... (read in full...)
She's stolen my thunder! How do I tell her to stop going on about it?
Q. Please please help, this is a bit of a long story. I haev a friend, z, and we're very close. last year she moved away to egypt. we have kept in touch. well, for a very long time, ever since i was really little, i have always been into graphic ...
A. 22 June 2009: Hi,
firstly i think you should be flattered.
you have a talent with photoshop and your friends picked it up and is wanting to learn more, only because you've managed to open her heart to it.
Now, i know this must really annoy you, you mu... (read in full...)
Why did they call me "bi "in front of everyone?
Q. sorry to all bisexuals... i am a teenager at highschool and have been having some problems and it has been upsetting me. it all started in a normal pe lesson and this girl *Chloe* came up to me and asked me if i was bisexual, i was just about t...
A. 22 June 2009: firstly in school its normal for there to be some jokes passed amongst friends... its teasing and although you felt offended by the comments it wasnt true, so you shouldnt have taken it so personally.
surely they know you have a boyfrien... (read in full...)
Am I likely to hear from him again or was he just being polite?
Q. Is he interested in me? Will he email me back? I recently met a guy I liked when he was driving a coach taking me on a school trip with some kids (Im a teacher). This was 3 days ago. He flirted a bit but wasnt english so the language was a b...
A. 22 June 2009: oh its looking really hopeful!!!
i told you he was busy working thats why he couldnt initially reply...
now as for those english lessons, maybe in the next email you could put your phone number in it (just make an excuse like u know he's busy... (read in full...)
Do I love this girl off tv?
Q. i like someone very much off the telly she is so beautiful and everytime i see her i get butterflies in my stomach i don't know if i love her or not because i don't know what love feels like. i added her as a friend on facebook and she added me back ...
A. 22 June 2009: Hey, what your going through is perfectly normal. You've seen a gal your attracted to and she has the attributes you'd like to see in a future partner. I wouldnt say this is Love, more like an infatuation, for you to Love someone you have to ... (read in full...)
Was I sexually abused? And if so is it too late to do something about it?
Q. When I was 10 my 15 year old next door neighbour made me touch his penis. To this day (9 years later) I still have no idea whether this counts as sexual abuse. I hated him because he always treated me like a baby (bouncing me on his knee etc.) but ...
A. 21 June 2009: he made you touch his privates, yes it does count as abuse. no normal sane human would do that to an innocent child. no loving family does that with kids either.
I think you should do something about it, i hate to think what he could be doing to... (read in full...)
I don't like the person I have become now I am seeing a married man
Q. HELP ME PLEASE! im 26 seeing a married man for just nearly a yr now and im sooo unhappy, full of guilt, dont like the person i have become and i feel sick when i think of what im doing. I doubt he will ever leave her, she is lovely not a bit...
A. 21 June 2009: ok the first thing i can feel from this is your turmoil.
Try and send that letter or an email to him stating that the relationship is over, that its unfair on you and his wife if the relationship continues.
he may try winning you back but don... (read in full...)
How can I get over my insecurities about the way I look?
Q. Ok, I am an ugly 20 year old (don't tell me I'm beautiful, you haven't even seen me, and I've been told many times by many different people that I am ugly). Men never check me out, etc. It's not lack of confidence because I know beautiful ...
A. 21 June 2009: everybody feels bad about their looks time to time this is normal. we all have insecurities.
the thing is just because people tell you your ugly doesnt mean you have to believe it.
if you believe your beautiful you honestly are, dont let ot... (read in full...)
I know my ex-husband well enough to know he is lying to me, why does he do this?
Q. It's Father's Day. My daughter is visiting her dad for the summer again. My daughter started talking about a movie she saw two days ago. I asked her who took her and she ignored me. I asked her again, and she would not say. Her dad told her not ...
A. 21 June 2009: have you spoken to her father why he encouraged her to keep secrets?
maybe he is doing it to wind you up and sounds as if he's doing a good job, unfortunately its your poor daughter whose stuck in the middle.
Speak to your ex and ask him why ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my insecurities from ruining our relationship?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 months and he is without a doubt the most amazing person I've ever met, he makes me so happy. Unfortunately due to my history of unsuccessful relationships (violence, cheating etc) I am incredibly insecure...
A. 21 June 2009: try and remain relaxed and think positive thoughts rather than negative ones. its still early on in your relationship so dont pressurise yourself!
dont feel inadequate, obviously this guy must think alot of you to date you & if he's amazing ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend pinch my nose and make me puff out my cheeks during oral?
Q. Tried oral on my bf for the first time a couple of nights ago. It was going well, but, I started gagging and stuff. He pinched my nose and told me to puff out my cheeks. It was kind of embarrassing. Here I was, with my cheeks puffed out, almost ...
A. 21 June 2009: the puffing of cheeks suggests he wanted you to catch some air...
have u asked him why he did that to you?
be clear and tell him not to do it again as the first time you felt humilated by it and ended up throwing up.
Good luck... (read in full...)
Should I pursue my golf tutor? Is he even attracted to me?
Q. I have written a column before, but unfortunatly, no one seemed to answer. I am about to tell you why I'm writing although you probably already know from the heading - that I have strong feelings for my golf tutor (it's NOT a joke, my school has ...
A. 21 June 2009: hmmm, you cant really judge warren because you dont even know him properly, just as a tutor, and i think you should try and keep the tutor and student thing separate and not date him.
It could be your reading too much into all his actions
-may... (read in full...)
At my sleepover my friends trashed me as soon as I was out of the room and then left in the middle of the night!
Q. I've known for a while that something hasn't been right with me and my friends, but I thought it was something small that we could sort out. But then at my sleepover for my birthday I went upstairs and as soon as I had they started bitching really ...
A. 21 June 2009: the best thing you can do, is strike up conversation with them and not let them think they have hurt/ upset you (this shows them that you are strong girl and nothing gets you down)
obviously im not saying u have to go back to being "friends... (read in full...)
We decided to have a little space, but keep in touch, he seems to be drifting away, what shoud I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. The past 8 months we've spent working together on a cruise ship so it's been pretty full-on. We agreed to a 2-3week break before I would fly out to see him (he lives in another country about 3 ...
A. 21 June 2009: the guy has been pretty clear with you -he wants to be alone and needs his space. so try and stop clinging onto him, and focus on your present life.
it is difficult to cope under this situation but you have to respect his wishes and let him come... (read in full...)
Is my Mum making this all up?
Q. this is sort of relationship i think! well basicly, my mum went to see a clairvoyent a few weeks back, and apparently she told her that one of her daughters is in a long term relationship, which is my sister, she's been with her boyfriend nearly two ...
A. 21 June 2009: i dont see why your mum would make something like this up... unless she is trying to be funny...
claivoyancy or not, there is no 100% future, the future is always ever changing.
but why dont u tell your mum about your new bf? surely she has t... (read in full...)
Was this just a one-off occurrence?
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and so far we have had a perfect relationship until a few days ago. Friday it was my birthday and to make a long story short i told my boyfriend and his friends in our hotel room to be quiet b...
A. 21 June 2009: If the guy says he doesnt remmeber the event you have to take his word and forgive him.
Give him a chance and see if he doesnt consume excess amount of alcohol, if he does something like this again -get rid -but if this was a one off and he truly... (read in full...)
How do I sort my life out?
Q. Please help, Im nearly 36, cant afford to buy a house, am taking space from my boyfriend as his head is a mess and he "needs time" to sort himself out, I have no children, live with my brother and feel SUCH a loser. I have to move out of our ...
A. 21 June 2009: ok first of all you need to ask yourself where u see yourself in 5 years? then you have to try an take steps towards it.
Life throws us hurdles and little tests and these are yours.
Try and not have a defeatist attitude, there's always a... (read in full...)
Am I a total idiot for sticking around?
Q. I've been dating this guy for 3 months and everything was great! He kept making references to being together long term and I was right there with him. Then, his pre-teen daughter was coming from overseas to see him for a month. Considering we ...
A. 21 June 2009: Its a bit odd to hear NOTHING for 3 weeks, suspicious almost! listen to your women instincts they are normally right! maybe somethings happened, or maybe he genuinely is busy.
I suggest you try and concentrate on other things in your life instead ... (read in full...)
I feel horribly left out with no Love life and I have everything going for me!
Q. Hi I am a very athletic 17 year old male with a good muscle build and I am a nice guy who know how to get stuff done and will follow orders if they are given but anyways, all of my friends have had sex or are in a romantic relationship with some...
A. 21 June 2009: Dont feel embarrassed! being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about (ok our culture puts an emphasis on breaking virginity) but im all for waiting til the right person comes along before giving it up. its got to be a momentous moment!
the m... (read in full...)
Am I likely to hear from him again or was he just being polite?
Q. Is he interested in me? Will he email me back? I recently met a guy I liked when he was driving a coach taking me on a school trip with some kids (Im a teacher). This was 3 days ago. He flirted a bit but wasnt english so the language was a b...
A. 21 June 2009: Hi there!
yes sounds as if this guy is busy with his own life... driving people around may mean he doesnt get much time infront of the computer! i wouldnt dwell on it!
he sounds polite enough to respond to your initial email and if there's a... (read in full...)
I've never had an issue with my body until my boyfriend started making comments about my weight!
Q. I'm 5ft8 and a size 12-14 which ive always thought is pretty normal. My bodies in proportion and ive never really had an issue with it. Until i got with my boyfriend and now am sexually active, i was before but only little flings, ive never been ...
A. 21 June 2009: dont let your bf make you feel bad about yourself. your a normal size, your not exactly obese!
if you want to lose weight do it for your self, and make it clear to your bf you dont appreciate him making fat jibes infront of people.
if he's... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to leave my husband because I cant live without love and affection?
Q. Can you survive in a loveless marriage,just because you have a history together,and raised children together? Am I wrong to wish to leave my security for total insecurity,because I can't live without love and affection? Well,my situation is,tha...
A. 21 June 2009: have you spoken to your husband about these fears? have u suggested you both see a councillor to get to the end of matters?
you say he still manages an erection so i cant imagine why he wouldnt want to have sex with you.
your not wrong to not... (read in full...)
I don't want to be the subject of my brother's unhealthy fetish!
Q. This may seem like a weird thing to talk about but i do not understand why my brother is this way. He seems to have an unhealthy obsession or fetish with pregnant women. I few yrs ago i found pictures on his computer of naked pregnant women, and he ...
A. 21 June 2009: alot of people have strange fetish's, ive never heard of this particular one though!
i think if you feel uncomfortable then speak to him, tell him your fears, how your pregnant and how you dont want any part in this, and see what he says?
... (read in full...)
Sexual frustration!
Q. I am having problems with my bf sexually and its really getting us down. At the beginning of our relationship he managed to make me come on a couple of occasions which was really good and he seemed really proud of himself. Then had exams and stuff ...
A. 21 June 2009: i wonder why it is he made you come before and not now?
i think all the pressure your placing on both yourselves is delaying the main event!
try playing relaxing music (like BoysIImen), use oils, in those private moments and just see how muc... (read in full...)
At my sleepover my friends trashed me as soon as I was out of the room and then left in the middle of the night!
Q. I've known for a while that something hasn't been right with me and my friends, but I thought it was something small that we could sort out. But then at my sleepover for my birthday I went upstairs and as soon as I had they started bitching really ...
A. 21 June 2009: Oh dear. This isnt a nice situation to be in.
School years can be the most hurtful times, i remember when i & a few of my friends we used to get bullied because of our colour or because I got called ugly...
well well, i had the last laugh, ... (read in full...)
Should I get my husband's permission to apologize to my ex?
Q. I have a condition called delayed PTSD. I started showing symptoms of it with one of my ex's when we were dating.( I think that's when it started, not sure, maybe earlier before we were dating.) Now that I am married and have been for 11 months, I ...
A. 21 June 2009: yes apologize to your ex, it would lift the burden from you, and set you free a little.
Dont be hard on yourself you acted the way you did at that time, you cant change the past, you can only look to seek help for yourself and grow stronger as a pe... (read in full...)
I'm in love with her and she hates my guts
Q. Ok my girlfriend cheated on me with this guy she soon broke up with me for but they can't ever see eachother that much because they live far from eahcother and we started to fall in love again while those two were dating now. The thing is, I didn't ...
A. 21 June 2009: you cant stop this girl hating you... you have no control over her feelings...
the best thing for you to do is learn from this, and apologize to her then leave it. if your meant to remain friends you will and she will forgive you, if not you cant... (read in full...)
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