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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 14 June 2016: OP, I'm more reassured by your latest post, but I really do think it's worth cancelling the fiancée visa and just having him get a prolonged holiday visa for visiting friends. I know it sucks to wait longer to be with him, as I'm in a long distance... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 11 June 2016: OP, I know you care about your daughter, please don't move a stranger in. You love him, but your daughter needs to get to know him properly first. There's no need to rush this marriage, you need to focus more on your daughter and her comfort. Don't ... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 11 June 2016: Like I said, sounds like she was rushing herself in an attempt to forget/move on.
However, my advice still stands that you shouldn't get engaged to anybody so soon.
I'd suggest giving it two months, but try moving forward in the mean time - ... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 7 June 2016: I'm glad you feel like you've already started resolving the parents dilemma, OP, but please do wait longer before marrying him - you no doubt prioritise your daughter normally, but you need to give her more than two months before a stranger (to her) ... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 7 June 2016: This woman is a mess. She's clearly been pressured (by herself and/or others) into finding a guy to push her forward before she's ready. She appears to have spent the majority of the time since her son's passing rushing herself into things that ... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 7 June 2016: I think you let her go. It sounds like she probably wasn't happy and felt like moving on with someone else would help her "forget" her loss - she may even have been pressured into dating.
I'm assuming it was her son's father? She wasn't ready to... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 7 June 2016: You can't marry a man your daughter doesn't know - that's irresponsible. Don't get married so soon, please, for your daughter's sake. There are so many things here about how hard it will be for him and how he doesn't even want to live in Canada, it ... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 7 June 2016: Okay, I know this may sound harsh, but I'd strongly advise not getting engaged so soon, in future. If she lost her son only a year and a half ago, but you got engaged recently, you either weren't together very long or got together almost when it ... (read in full...)
Is there a bias to the answers here?
Q. I was wondering why aunts and uncles are more willing to answer questions that are related to below belly button , thresum, Fwb, F buddies, but are less likely to help on some serious questions regarding other issues? Have we gotten some preferences ...
A. 7 June 2016: Not so much a bias as just things people feel more able to give advice on. A lot of questions require common sense solutions, which can result in many aunts and uncles being able to respond, as no real experience or "qualifications" are needed. S... (read in full...)
How can I positively identify if my Bf is cheating on me, or not?
Q. Hello. How do I know, I mean REALLY know if my boyfriend is cheating on me? His office is mostly women employees. And I met him that way. He owns a small business. He has about 10 women who work there and only three men, all of whom are older...
A. 7 June 2016: I mean no disrespect with the things I'm about to say, OP, but you need a bit of a reality check.... "Sometimes I wonder if he can be trusted. I worry he met me at work and will try to replace me with one of the other women down the road if an o... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 6 June 2016: Was it a mis-type to say "her son", as I'm assuming you were together then, if you were engaged recently?
She probably needs therapy and she may not be happy with you. I'd suggest couples counselling, if she'll go for it. If not, give her a little... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 6 June 2016: Please can we clarify some things first?
How long have you known him? Where did you meet him? When are you getting married? How much time have you spent together in person? How does your child feel about him? Has he met your parents? How do they ... (read in full...)
Mother's opinion is confusing my life
Q. In my early 20s I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. My doctor told me it was quite bad and I should be aware that my chances of conceiving are very slim. I made my peace with it and although I know there are options such as IVF and ...
A. 6 June 2016: I have PCOS and, whilst I don't have or want biological children, it's actually very possible. PCOS makes it harder and usually take longer, but it is quite common for people with PCOS to have one or more children. If *you* want children, speak to a ... (read in full...)
Why has my husband's sense of self-identity changed?
Q. I've been married to my husband for almost 15 years and we have had good days and rough patches. My husband suffers from anxiety and extreme bouts of moodiness in which is rationale for things seem altered or out of context. My husband is n...
A. 5 June 2016: My first thought is to seriously consider divorce - you've already said he used to be (still is?) verbally abusive and now he's talking as though he's planning to leave you and blaming you for the way his life has turned out. It sounds a bit like ... (read in full...)
Do I try to include my donor friend? Or be grateful for what he's offered and respect his wish for no involvement with the child??
Q. My friend has offered to be a sperm donor , im single and have been for a quite a while i just havent met the right man . i dont have time on my side and i suffer from pcos im slightly overweight due to pcos and weightloss is twice as hard. i keep...
A. 5 June 2016: He's being helpful, but he's made it clear he doesn't want to know the child - don't push him. Don't give him pictures unless he someday asks for them - don't suggest any contact because he's already telling you no. You want this baby, he doesn't... (read in full...)
How can I ensure that I don't get myself into such a scary situation again, where the next guy might not be so considerate?
Q. Hi, So last year I was talking to a guy online. We met online and spoke for a while, including messaging and video calling. And yes the messages quickly turned quite sexual as you'd expect. It was all just innocent "fun" but then he suggested we...
A. 5 June 2016: Oh, another thing I'd add is to avoid sexual conversations when you're not ready to be sexual in person - the reason being that, whilst you don't *ever* owe them sex, it leads them on to think you want it.... (read in full...)
How can I ensure that I don't get myself into such a scary situation again, where the next guy might not be so considerate?
Q. Hi, So last year I was talking to a guy online. We met online and spoke for a while, including messaging and video calling. And yes the messages quickly turned quite sexual as you'd expect. It was all just innocent "fun" but then he suggested we...
A. 5 June 2016: You're lucky this guy was so decent, which you know, but the best way to avoid this is to stay in complete public view. I mean, you were smart enough to meet there, you should have stayed there. You're not pathetic; feelings run away with us som... (read in full...)
What would be causes of concern if your new BF said he had never dated before?
Q. So, I just started dating a guy, and I really like him. He is 29, dorky, cute, kind, compassionate, and we share a lot of the same interests. He is definitely a bit awkward. He confessed that he'd never been in a relationship before. When I as...
A. 5 June 2016: "He is 29, dorky, cute, kind, compassionate, and we share a lot of the same interests. He is definitely a bit awkward" - a lot of people under 25 don't value those traits and many don't see them as relationship material, so they don't get given a ... (read in full...)
Why is my Bf refusing to tell me why he wants a tracking device?
Q. Hi, first all thanks for reading this. My bf of 2 years suddenly asked me about a gps tracking device that he knows I had in the past. I told him I don't have it with me. It is in my locker ( work locker) and I asked what do you need for that ...
A. 5 June 2016: It's a red flag that he won't tell you why he wants it - I wouldn't give it to him and I'd start to wonder how much I could trust him.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for fathers to not want to deal with their baby?
Q. My friend has a baby of 1 year. It was her boyfriend who wanted a child, and when she was pregnant he seemed so happy about it. I just visited them for 4 days, and I was shocked to see how he behaved! He didn't even want to be there, he left as s...
A. 4 June 2016: I don't blame him because he's a guy; I blame him because he's manipulative at best and abusive at worse. She shouldn't have had a baby with him and she should leave, but most of the negativity (not even blame) is from him.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for fathers to not want to deal with their baby?
Q. My friend has a baby of 1 year. It was her boyfriend who wanted a child, and when she was pregnant he seemed so happy about it. I just visited them for 4 days, and I was shocked to see how he behaved! He didn't even want to be there, he left as s...
A. 4 June 2016: I think WiseOwlE is being a little harsh about assuming that your friend was using the baby to trap the guy, but I don't think he saw your abuse follow up. He's happens to be totally right about her not being careful who she chose as her baby's ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated and I have all the proof but he keeps denying it
Q. This is probably a no brainer but I'm asking anyway, found out my boyfriend has been texting and chatting with his ex, I confronted him and he promised to stop because he didn't want to lose me the problem is he hasn't I checked his phone and have ...
A. 4 June 2016: I'd suggest just letting go and moving on. Sending proof won't gain anything, just waste time.
In future, if you can't trust your partner, don't go for proof; snooping isn't good - just end it. If you snoop and they are guilty, they can't be trust... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend is always too busy. Do I end things?
Q. I have been in a long distant relationship for 9 months and he lives in the same country as me. Up to the first 8 months, he used to make time for me and always would message me. However, recently he has started to message me less and he would ...
A. 4 June 2016: How old is he? Have you met in person? If yes, how often? How do you communicate (all online/texts/calls/video chat/etc.)? Is he studying/does he have exams coming up? Do your parents know about him (a little irrelevant, but important)? How do you ... (read in full...)
Why do we no longer have sex?
Q. Im currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and have been for 2 and a half years we have lived together for one. Were both incredibly happy and are very affectionate towards one another. All is going well except for one thing ... sex. In the ...
A. 4 June 2016: It's never a case of "should" be having sex - it's always a case of if you *want* to be having sex, which you clearly do and he seems to as well. Your communication is good, but you appear to have got stuck in a rut - maybe a romantic evening/spicy ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 4 June 2016: Look, OP, you know you're not physically attracted to your LDR fiancée any more and that's okay, but you've already started cheating on her and that's why you should break up. Being in an LDR isn't for everyone - a lot of people have their limits a... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 3 June 2016: You're erasing sex-repulsed people and those who just don't want sex by saying "adult relationships involve sex". Yes, I'm in a long distance relationship, but I see him often and talk a lot daily - like I said, long distance doesn't always m... (read in full...)
Have I fallen for him even though I'm not physically attracted to him?
Q. I met a guy online, he came to my country to meet me, so we had dated several times in one month time. Though I admit, I am not attracted to him physically, his personality turns me on, all of man's personality I have been wishing for is with ...
A. 2 June 2016: I don't necessarily think you've fallen for him yet, but I think you're starting to and that's a good thing. Whilst attraction is important, physical isn't the only type; there's platonic attraction (you get on well) and romantic attraction (his ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 2 June 2016: Watching the Kardashians on screen is nothing like a successful LDR - that's one-way, a completely different thing and isn't a comparison. Also, many couples don't have sex, or don't have it often, and are happy that way - you and the OP may not b... (read in full...)
Should I get to know him better? Even though I know my friend used to like him?
Q. I like this guy in my college. Really like him in fact. Problem is, my best friend used to like him and although she claims to be over him and now has feelings for another guy,i don't know I don't believe she's fully over him. But another th...
A. 2 June 2016: Okay, I don't mean to be dismissive; it can be fun to believe in horoscope readings, but *never* make big decisions based off of them (at least not them alone). However, you seem like you may have a fair bit in common with this guy, so you need to ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 2 June 2016: Chigirl - he didn't say how often he sees his fiancée. Lots of long distance couples still do see each other fairly regularly and video chat almost daily, so it's not like being strangers unless they don't spend any time together. I mean, they were ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 2 June 2016: Firstly, you've sort of emotionally cheated for the last year. You don't have to tell your fiancée that, but you need to end it. You keep calling her your "current partner", not even "fiancée", which is a sure sign you've already moved on. Seco... (read in full...)
Will meeting up with my ex boyfriend over summer be the right thing to do? I still have feelings for him
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago... We dated for about 3-4 weeks and he broke up with me because we live in diferent towns and my mum wont let me go visit his town because she doesn't trust me... After he broke up with me we decided to s...
A. 2 June 2016: Then you can't go. Maturely explain (don't whine) to your mum that you can't go by train on your own and see what she says.... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend lie to me about spending time with his son? What's going on here?
Q. My boyfriend's son is over on a visit. He has been here for a week. He lives in the Florida and we are in Canada. Now, I am having some trouble figuring something out. Can everyone help me? Before I go insane? My boyfriend was supposed to sp...
A. 2 June 2016: I think you need to break up with him and take time for yourself, away from relationships - as well as getting therapy. This behaviour, your hold on him (semi-stalking, elaborate stories, paranoia, etc.) is not healthy or acceptable. This is where ... (read in full...)
Drunken night woke up in bed with former FWB. Do I tell my boyfriend? I don't know what happened!
Q. Jack is a guy on my course who I used to have a little crush on, basically at the start of the year we slept with each other a few times but then he stopped talking to me and left me a little upset. After this I met a guy called Tom who I really ...
A. 2 June 2016: Firstly, severely drunk men and women can't consent - if anything happened, it was assault/negligence on his part, at best. Secondly, whilst I don't want to reprimand you or anything, getting drunk to the point of having no memory is ridiculously ... (read in full...)
Will meeting up with my ex boyfriend over summer be the right thing to do? I still have feelings for him
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago... We dated for about 3-4 weeks and he broke up with me because we live in diferent towns and my mum wont let me go visit his town because she doesn't trust me... After he broke up with me we decided to s...
A. 2 June 2016: Honeypie is right - your mum likely knows best, in this situation, and you shouldn't meet up with him on your own, anyway. Talk to her, ask for her advice and see what she thinks. If she says you can't go there, respect that - it's important to ... (read in full...)
How can we come to some agreement? We have different views about my past sexual history.
Q. Hey everyone, I'm hoping you can help! I'm in a relationship with this new lovely guy, but there is one main problem; we have very different ideas about sex and relationships etc. Basically he's very traditional and believes that sex is only wh...
A. 31 May 2016: In response to your follow up - I said *I* could move past it if their views on it had changed and aligned with mine, but your guy friend knows this and still hasn't dropped it. I don't think he will - though I disagree that it's because he sees ... (read in full...)
I'm turned on by a fantasy I'm sure my wife's interest in would be zero!
Q. Hi All. I am a very happily married man and my sex life with my wife is fantastic. However, I am hugely turned on by the thought of a threesome between my wife and a shemale. I am almost certain that my wife's interest in this is pretty much zero. ...
A. 31 May 2016: Keep it as a fantasy and don't speak of it to anyone.... (read in full...)
He still lives with his ex. What can I do. ?
Q. Hi guys thanks for reading, I am open to all the advise you can give me. I have been dating this guy for a few weeks, but I barely get to spend time with him because he has a son. I haven't met his son yet I would like to but not till we are in a...
A. 31 May 2016: Firstly, try to distance yourself, both now and in the future - developing such strong feelings in a few weeks, especially when you're not actually seeing or talking to each other that much, will definitely get you hurt. Also, you shouldn't meet h... (read in full...)
Should I tell how I feel, even though she is not gay and has a boyfriend?
Q. So i've really liked this girl for four years from college. I am certain she did had some feelings for me. However, She has a boyfriend, and ive just left college and dont think i will ever see her or speak to her again. I am not looking for ...
A. 31 May 2016: It doesn't sound like she had feelings for you or she'd have at least tried to keep in contact. Personally, I think you're better off just moving on and not telling her, but I suppose you could do it, if it brings you closure. However, telling her ... (read in full...)
How can we come to some agreement? We have different views about my past sexual history.
Q. Hey everyone, I'm hoping you can help! I'm in a relationship with this new lovely guy, but there is one main problem; we have very different ideas about sex and relationships etc. Basically he's very traditional and believes that sex is only wh...
A. 31 May 2016: He's a bit uptight, not traditional, like Honeypie said. Though, I don't think he's uptight because he struggles to understand people having casual/semi-casual sex, but because he won't let it go and won't leave you either. Personally, I would ... (read in full...)
My Bf ignores me and neglects me. Is it time to break up?
Q. If my boyfriend has neglected me for over 3 months and counting, should I break up with him? He might be working on something, or studying for finals, but that might not be it. I have also found another man but I haven't met him in real life, and I ...
A. 31 May 2016: Firstly, if the person you've found is a man, he's too old for you, at 16 - 17. If he's about your age, he's a boy/young man. I know that might sound like nit-picking, but it's an important detail. Anyway, to respond to each paragraph: - ... (read in full...)
Do I have a chance? What should I do?
Q. Background: I'm a 13 yr old boy of Sierra Leonean descent(African) who lives in a south London flat, and I go to a private secondary boys school on a bursary in the center of London. I'm an only child and I never really knew my dad but that's beside ...
A. 30 May 2016: Firstly, your mum is right about focusing on your education (even if that's not until you settle down, just getting through secondary school) because many actually get dodgy grades due to accidentally getting distracted by girls/boys/gaming/etc. and ... (read in full...)
She's engaged but my boyfriend checks out her facebook page every day
Q. My bf n I have been dating for about 4 yrs now. We r both college grads n about to start professional schools. We have a solid relationship but one thing has always bothered me. My bf either has a crush or really really likes one of his friends from ...
A. 30 May 2016: It's weird that he's stalking her page, so it does sound like "the one that got away", which isn't inherently "bad", but I can understand why you don't like it. I'm not a jealous person, but this would frustrate me, so I don't know if I could be ... (read in full...)
Male virgin and now in my 20s. What can I do?
Q. I'm am writing to get advice and opinions about my virginity and lack of relationship experience. I'm a male who has never had sex or a girlfriend. The reason for this a rather personal and complex.I have always had trouble making friends and rela...
A. 30 May 2016: Firstly, it's good that you're not into NSA sex because that's nothing like relationship sex. You'd be getting a completely different experience to the (hopefully emotionally safe one in a relationship - not that NSAs are bad, just not what I'd ... (read in full...)
How can I get my man to kiss and cuddle me?
Q. My boyfriend/partner dislikes kissing and cuddling me.He has had a troubled past; We have sex most days,which we both love,but no kissing and not close to my body during sex.But he caresses and strokes my arms and back which I find very loving a...
A. 30 May 2016: Okay, point one: affection is really important to most women and many men, but not all by any stretch of the imagination, so you'll need to tell him, if that's what you want - or, more accurately, *ask* for what you want. If he agrees, it needs to ... (read in full...)
We had our problems. Now its much later and I've moved on. Should I unblock him???
Q. Hi, I'm new to this website so sorry if i make any mistakes. There is this guy I know that is the most confusing... one day my friends and i were playing a game where we had to tell everyone who we liked (on facebook messenger). i liked him bu...
A. 30 May 2016: You're really young and you're getting involved in drama you don't need. He hasn't changed, so unblocking him wouldn't be a good idea. You were smart enough to block him the first time, don't reverse it because he'll still play with you, regardless ... (read in full...)
How can I get the respect I seek from my husband and from his family? What will improve this situation?
Q. My husband told me he recents me for keeping him away from his family. I do keep him away from his family because HIS family doesn't like me . my marriage is falling apart over this we are at the point where either I let him be around his famil...
A. 29 May 2016: To be honest, even if they don't like you, you shouldn't allow or ban your husband from anything, especially his family - he's not your child and family is important. Would you like someone who stopped your family member from seeing you? I wouldn't... (read in full...)
Naming issues for our new baby. Are my reasons wrong? Should I reconsider?
Q. Hey there folks! Just need some advice. I'm pregnant due June 26th with a little boy, now to my dilemma. My partner and I tried to conceive for 9 months (been together for 3 1/2 years), I became pregnant he seemed pretty excited. He has two kids...
A. 29 May 2016: I'm all for naming your child together, but I don't blame you for not wanting him to be a Jr, especially after the way he reacted. I don't really like Jr names, but that's just me.
Write the surname down you want the baby to have.... His? Yours? B... (read in full...)
Age differences? Is this even worth continuing?
Q. I met an amazing woman the other day. I've already gone out with her a couple of times and we've even had sex. The only thing is that she's 35 and I'm 22. She also has a 12 year old boy. I've tried to talk myself out of this a million times, b...
A. 29 May 2016: The age difference doesn't bother me per se, until it pops up that you're closer in age to her son than her and he's still a child. If he was an adult, it wouldn't matter, but someone with his mother should be a father figure, not an older brother ... (read in full...)
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