A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for over 3 yrs - He says he loves me - My b-day just came and went and he jokingly told others his gift to me was that I could be his friend for another year - I am so sad - this is the same man who says he loves me - I don't get it - We both are divorced - really bad marriages - He tells others and me that I am the best thing that has happened to him and he cant live without me - He tells them that he does not want to marry again - He is on dating sites but says he does not want to go out with anyone else - I am not sure how to take this - He doesnt really answer when I make comments about this - He does make plans for the future including ten yrs and more away - Talk of when we retire etc and house projects ( his house ) He refers to us often in the royal 'we' - Am I a fool for thinking he may make a commitment? Some tell me why ruin it by marriage - I never thought I would want to get married again - but I dont want to be wasting my time either - We are quite compatible - although he didnt get me anything specific for my b-day - including not singing happy b-day to me - He did just take me and his two girls to Jamaica - ( paid my way ) I just want to have a normal relationship - I missed out on so much with my x - all the things that most have - like bridal showers a honeymoon baby showers bday celebrations - I missed out on alot - He knows this and still nothing for me - I help him with his house and kids and like I said we get along great - He just doesnt seem like he will ever 'claim' me - What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): When people show you who they are you need to listen. Get rid of him he is playing you for a fool. You deserve better. The future is promised to no one so make the happiest life you can.
A
female
reader, bc2283  +, writes (26 February 2008):
He knows you'll stay and he can go on just the way he wants, i have friends like this, sorry
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A
female
reader, blacksoul  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 dear , try to speak with him honestly and tell him about your feelings of insecure with him and whats your situation in his life ? he is satisfied in his life he dosent miss anything you take care of him and his kids so why to marry again i guess he is a kind of selfish ,,so try to threat him with sepration if he didnt take an accurate action in your life togather , you are wasting your life with him and yo will regret holding this aftr you are ageing and cant have babies anymore so plz speak to him and if he didnt give you a resonable answer , then you dont mean much in his life and you should love your self and work for its good ,,,, go ahead and confront him..... lol
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A
female
reader, jenna34 +, writes (25 February 2008):
he is on dating sites and tells you he does not ever want to get married. I'm not sure where your question comes from. If you like chasing unavailable men you are not wasting your time. You say he's on these dating sites but has no intention of dating so...why is he on there? Is he doing a dating research project for a new book?
So if you missed out on alot and feel bad about it, go find someone who will give that to you instead of trying to make him responsible. Everybody else says to communicate with him about it but I think you've already made it more than clear that you wanted to get married and he's not going to give that to you.
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A
female
reader, Just.me  +, writes (25 February 2008):
There are a couple of things that I would like to say. First of all, he is not sending you mixed signals .... you just aren't listening to them. I don't think that he wants to marry you because correct me if I am wrong, but there should be NO reason a committed man in a long term relationship should be on a singles internet site. NO REASON. I had a boyfriend that did this, he said it was pretty innocent... but that is not cool. Doesn't make you feel good, does it?
I guess you need to ask yourself if you are happy? It does not sound like you are. It sounds like you want to get married and your guy does not, this is a pretty big issue. I don't only think that you should read "why men marry bitches" but you should read "he's just not that into you". SORRY, i hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Everyone of us is not perfect and we have flaws.We may see things differently over many issues.
Do you see more positives in him than negatives?
Sometimes a man is obtuse and does not know what is important to a woman.
I would agree with rhythmandblues2.
You need to communicate to him what are your needs .What do you expect from him? .He cannot read your mind and he is not a mind reader.
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A
female
reader, ladyrachel02 +, writes (25 February 2008):
 I vote that you should read that book too. "why men marry bitches"...I read it and it gives good advice!!
I really think you should talk to him about marriage and that it is important to you. After the talk, become unavailable and see what he does. If he doesn't say or do anything, then it is time to move on. 3 years should have been plenty of time for him to realize if he wants to marry you. At least it is better to realize this now than 10 years down the road when you are still waiting to get married to him.
Get the book! You will love it! :) Good Luck and God Bless!
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
 If you want to get married again in your life, why are you investing your time in someone that doesn't want to?
What you should do is decide how important getting married is to you and if that is something you want, you need to move on. He has told you this is not going to happen even though he sees you in his future, maybe being totally committed, but not as a wife. It doesn't reflect on you-that is what you can't get past.
If you stay with him, you can't get mad if you don't get what you want. You get upset because you missed out on stuff (bridal showers, honeymoon), why are you telling him this? And then you get upset that he doesn't change his mind?! Wow, I'm surprised he is still with you!
You want to change his mind & it's just like those women who get married and they know their husbands don't want kids but stop taking birth control. They get pregnant and can't understand why their husbands are upset.
I had a boyfriend once that kept insisting that his religion was the right one even though he knew i wasn't religious. He said it wasn't an issue when we first got together but then it became one a couple of years into the relationship, I felt so angry and manipulated!!
Don't be that person.
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A
female
reader, Aylarsh +, writes (25 February 2008):
 He may commit but I'm saying that he is also scared. you should confront him about the gift of you two being friends if it bothers you so much. You aren't a fool to think this because you love him. You should probably just step up to the plate and confront him about this. Being able to pay your own way though is rather responsible though and makes youan indepent woman.
I wish you luck contact me if you have any questions!!
Good luck Love! 3
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
 I don't know, but maybe try the advice in the book "Why Men Marry Bitches" seriously, it might help.....Take Care, I wouldn't get all bent about the lack of a specific bday gift, taking you to Jamaic and paying your way sounds pretty spectacular, if it bugs you though, let him know b'day cards or gifts are important to you, maybe he doesn't get how much....communicate!
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