A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 and have recently ended a 5 year relationship. I have a really close circle of friends from middle school now on into college. Since I have been single I have been having some weekend nights with one of my friend's ex girlfriend and my ex girlfriend's friend. They aren't that close but friends and did live with each other for one semester but didnt really get along since. Anyway I have really started to like this girl and have told her and she says that for now it cant happen; she likes me but there are too many factors that make her feel badly. I can understand this but we both have one year of college left together and both of our exes won't be there anymore. So I suggested maybe after the summer we can see what happens, and she said "that could work we will see". What should I do? Is this too wrong? Should I stop being more than friends to her or pursue my feelings and let our exes possibly hate us?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Personally I would take what she said as a concrete 'no'. That's just me though, if she has hang ups about it, for me I would take that as a sign she's not interested in me in that way or in your case just doesn't like you enough.
Look that's just me though, I'm a now or never kind of guy because in the past I've had long chases that just end up with me being hurt and nothing happening. My general rule of thumb is that a girl can tell me all she wants that she likes me but if her words aren't backed up by actions then they're meaningless. There have been plenty of girls that said they liked me but didn't want to take the next step for many different reasons and I hung around in the hopes that those reasons go away but in my experience they don't.
For future reference:
'I like you but I'm just out of a relationship'= rebound and chances are she only likes you because you're there and you will turn into a friend that gives her emotional support.
'I like you but there are too many factors' = I like you but not enough that those factors wouldn't matter. Also factors could be a convenient excuse.
'I like you but I don't want a commitment/relationship' = I like you but not enough to commit to you, but you'll do while I play the field and I find a guy that I want to commit to.
'I like you but our friendship is too important to me' - I don't like you enough and don't see myself wanting a relationship with you ever.
You see a pattern here? Now I know these are quite pessimistic interpretations but they are the most common meanings, there are plenty of cases where the above are wrong but for practical purposes they're the safest interpetation.
For me long chases are just not worth it, there are lots and lots of single girls out there that would be interested in dating you and wouldn't have the baggage attached. I'd move on but that doean't mean you don't have a chance with her but to me it seems very unlikely to be worth the effort.
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