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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband is a ordained minister or I will say Layman in our church. He helps our pastor in the church, but I have found where he has went to these porno sites on the internet.What do I do when I have heard in the past from him that it will not happen again but every four or five months it always seems to happen again?He had once had a problem doing this before he was saved and it was an everyday thing, but now it sometimes pops back up again. Will it ever completely stop?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Since he's so involved with the church, there is a creepy, ironic, morally irksom aspect to this. But I agree, talk to him about the pron or even watch it with him. You don't have to condone it, just be objective. It's probably that he wants to do sexually wild things with YOU, which is just fine because you love one another and are married, but it's understandably a little difficult to approach that with someone you love, especially if you're an ordained minister. The guilt and awkwardness drives him to porn, or at least this is what I theororize.
And as to the porn, don't be offended. This isn't people being raped, it's consentual (though loveless, unfortunately) sex between two (or more, hahaha) humans. So no one was really hurt and though it's a bit shocking and usually far from beautiful, it wasn't created to offend you so try not to write in agony at the thought of watching it with him or discussing it. It's low culture whose existence you cannot deny but do not have to enjoy and whose stimulation of your husband can probably be stopped if you're willing to satisfy him beyond the capability of porn. In terms of morality, you seem like someone who thinks porn is bad; if this is the case, then man, you're in a bit of a pickle. I'd like to point out though, that you are (biologically) a human before a Christian, that Christianity is a challenge to our animal instincts, and that to end this problem you are going to have to suck it up and deal with the animal aspect of the human in order to restore the Christian values of your life and that of your husband.
No worries. Get over it and talk about it :)
A
reader, pops +, writes (20 October 2005):
Sit down and watch the porn with him. Ask him what he is seeing and what its effect is on him. Many couples and women find porn to be a turn on for both of them. For the men, getting past the guilt they feel for watching porn and hiding the fact from their wives often takes away the forbidden fruit attraction to porn in the first place. And, they might be able to learn to express themselves, and their feelings to you about sex, so that you can learn how to pleasure him better, and you in turn will learn how to talk plainly to him so that he can learn how to pleasure you better. If your sex life fulfills his sexual interests, porn may be something that is a couples event for a good laugh, and not a private obsession.
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