New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244969 questions, 1084319 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Wife making my fantasy come true - how best to support/encourage her?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 February 2011) 10 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Ok, we're both in our late 30s here and have been married for several years, together for much longer than that.

As a Valentine's present to me, she's agreed to let me indulge a long cherished fantasy; two watch two women together. She's not going to be one of them, she's going to 'spectate' along with me. How we're doing this is unimportant, safe to say that the two women concerned are strangers to us and we'll never see them again afterwards, precluding any chance of emotional entanglement. Neither my wife nor I have done anything like this before, and we've both been absolutely faithful to one another since we met. Naturally I'm overjoyed and indescribably grateful for being indulged in this; I'm aware that this is an incredible thing for her to permit for me.

We've discussed every eventuality and potential emotional reaction we might have to this, and understand that the other can leave the room or call an outright halt to proceedings without any comeback from the other. Similarly we've discussed 'enjoying ourselves' with each other if it all goes well. With respect to the other two women my wife has asked that I don't touch or allow myself to be touched by them. I'm absolutely fine with this and have no problem complying. She's always had a slight curiosity about other women and has said she might want to touch/interact with the other women if she feels so inclined and sufficiently brave. She's often expressed regret about not having been more adventurous in life before we met (not just lovelife wise). I'm more than happy for her to touch/interact if she wants to. The two other women have made it clear she is welcome to join in if she wants.

My question is this: I've no intention of pressuring her into doing anything she doesn't want to do (and would never do so), yet I do want to encourage her to be adventurous during our fantasy session if she feels like it (not just because I find the idea incredibly erotic myself). . As this is a one off event/opportunity. I'm anxious that she has no regrets as she has about her younger days. Any suggestions how I might do this without coming close to pressuring her?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, FloridaCatGirl United States +, writes (19 February 2011):

FloridaCatGirl agony auntIt sounds like you both had a blast! Did your wife have any regrets about it? I guess it's too early to know that, considering it's only been a few hours. I don't think I could ever do this, but I do find it very interesting. I'm curious to hear more. If you want, feel free to send me a private message.

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok, it's 1.30 in the morning here and our dates left a few hours ago. All in all it went better than my wildest imaginings. Our two dates were beautiful, warm and went to great lengths to put us at our ease. They very much lead the proceedings and let my wife and I watch them together. We both wound up quite turned on and matters became a bit more 'interactive'. As per my wife's request there was no below the waist contact between the two girls and me. My wife on the other hand got more involved with them that I expected, making for just about the most erotic sights I have ever seen. Having a bed full of intertwined girls in front of me has got to be just about every straight guys dream.

It helped no end that we'd discussed how we could end the session, or just one of us withdraw if we needed to etc. Likewise discussing our boundaries with each other first and then with our dates ensured neither my wife nor I would wind up feeling slighted nor betrayed by straying too far. Having that brutally honest conversation about how we would feel in a given potential circumstance or activity made for a fun, sexy and in my case voyeuristic hour within known, acceptable limits.

And of course the sex, intimacy and sheer omotion when our dates had gone was some of the best ever!

If there's anything more or specific you want to ask, please go ahead. I'm well aware I'm writing this on my phone after a glass or three of drink :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, FloridaCatGirl United States +, writes (18 February 2011):

FloridaCatGirl agony auntI hope it went well. Please let us know what happened!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It's tonight. Wish me luck...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, FloridaCatGirl United States +, writes (13 February 2011):

FloridaCatGirl agony auntI have to admit, I'm glad you do not plan to participate. The only reason I suggested bringing condoms is because you never know what will happen in the heat of the moment. Again, this is not something I would do, but I'm definitely curious to hear how it goes! Good luck!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

FloridacatGirl - The hotel has been booked for a couple of weeks now and everything is on for this Friday.

By way of explanation - I've always had a voyeuristic streak and it's been something that I've always felt conflicted & guilty about as I've loved my wife completely since day one and have never wanted to actually touch/sleep with anyone else. The conflict/guilt issue got so bad at the end of last year that we wound up going to relationship counselling. During this I've come to realise where the feelings have been coming from (several years of unsatisfying/unhappy sexual experiences in my teens/early 20s barring one satisfying/happy one which was voyeuristic in nature - ergo the association) and that the voyeuristic feelings are not a commentary on my marriage/love for my wife (they're seperate). It's also helped in that my wife now understands my 'issue' and we're closer than ever for having gone through the counselling.

All of which is a long way round of saying that protection will not be an issue, as I've no desire to touch anyone aside from my wife herself.

The hotel date with the two other women is something we've discussed with my counsellor and she's ok with us doing it, as long as no one is being forced/coerced against their will into doing something they'd rather not. That my wife may (or may not) join in and participate is purely her decision. I'm happy for her to do so for her own sake, to answer a question/curiosity she has, as well as the fact it would be the most erotic thing I can imagine for my own part. EVen if she doesn't, the 'main event' is the most selfless yet appropritate Valentines present my wife could possibly give me.

I'l post again next weekend after the event if you're really that interested in how it goes. Thanks for your reply in the meanwhile.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, FloridaCatGirl United States +, writes (13 February 2011):

FloridaCatGirl agony auntWow! I don't think I could ever do something like this, but I am curious to hear how it goes. I wouldn't recommend doing this in your home, so you may want to meet these women at hotel. And bring some protection, just in case! Please keep us updated!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks HoneyPie and VulgaR - I probably just needed to be told to relax and take it as it comes. I'm more than aware of just how lucky I am with this, and still have moments of realisation when it hits me anew what I'm being allowed to do next week.

I'll take a deep breath, try to stop fretting so much and let what happens happen. (I've never been much good at leaving well enough alone and letting matters unfold at their own pace).

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 February 2011):

Honeypie agony auntWhy not just go "easy" on your wife and see how she handles the "voyeur" session first? If it is something that makes her curious, maybe you can suggest that she is welcome to join them.

Baby steps, would be my advice.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, VulgaR United States +, writes (11 February 2011):

The fact that she is allowing this to go down in the first place is adventurous in itself. The majority of wives/girlfriends would never allow anything like this to ever happen.

She even said she would be open to participating if she feels like it.

She has been very candid and willing so far...anything else will come off as pressure.

Just enjoy the experience and if she allows herself to enjoy it as well, there is no reason why you cant simply try this again in the future.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Wife making my fantasy come true - how best to support/encourage her?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312612000052468!