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Why tell me nothing's changed and we're still seeing each other if he refuses to see me/go out with me/actually date me?

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Question - (11 May 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 11 May 2009)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been trying to get over this situation but I'm stuck!

I met a guy a few weeks ago. He'd just gotten out of a 6 month relationship a few weeks before he met me, where the girl cheated on him. I knew this and tried to be cautious around him but look, it hasn't worked, I got hurt. We spent hours together and I've never felt more comfortable around anyone, it's so weird.

Anyway, he was so excited to be around me, to see me and would always message and say thanks for a nice time, can't wait to see you again. I never slept with him and all we did was make out and that didn't go very far either (I told him I won't go too far too soon since I don't know him well yet).

After our 5th date, he didn't ask to see me again and I knew something was up. A day or two later I text him to ask if he'll join me on a day out but he never responded. He replied to me almost 2 days later saying sorry he got my message about going out too late (I think he was lying). I didn't reply to him.

A day later he messages again asking what's going on (since I'm not replying to him). We get into a conversation and I tell him that since he wasnt making plans to see me or asking me out I assumed something was wrong. He then acts all shocked that I think this way and says that as far as he's concerned nothing between us has changed and we're still 'seeing each other.' He ended the conversation without asking to see me and only said 'talk to you soon.' I haven't heard from him for about a week now.

1. Why tell me nothing's changed and we're still seeing each other if he refuses to see me/go out with me/actually date me?

2. Has he just lost interest but has no guts to tell me?

3. Was he just with me to make himself feel better after his cheating ex dumped him?

4. Would there be any point in contacting him just to say hi and test the waters? Or is it better to leave him alone?

5. Whose job is it to resume contact now?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009):

I would say the ball is in his court now and it's probably that he isn't comfortable telling you why. I don't think he's ready for anything serious right now so I would back off, date other guys, and not wait around.

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