A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:heres an intresting thought....somone ie me, acts the following way with men....when your with them, you are good, you give them all the space they need, by that i mean that you let them do all the chasing, (you put the effort in still the same) you dn't txt them until they txt you, and if you do then it is the ocational time, i would have thought by doing this, your being cool, reserved, giveing them space never acting desprate or needy because that is far from the person i am. when your with them you give them attention, and are good to be around, and by that i mean your not clingy ur just how someone should be. so why does the following always happen....you meet two men at to diffrent times in your life, (they both get egzactly the same treatment) like i just described.the first one you go off him but he seems to really like you and chace you and he seems really intrested and always getting in contact to try and see you as much a possible.the second one you really like, so much lot's and lot's it feels like love, probably just a heavy does of lust, but he doesn't seem as intrested and dosen't try and chace you as much, or get in contact as much for that matter, (basicaly seems half hearted) even thought there must be something in it to agree to see you, im not talking sex eatherso what is the deal?do men have built in radars that can see straight into your heart, or do you think that anyone in these situations maybe gives signals out to say i really lust over you and want you so much, maybe they can feel your wanting them comeing out your body...even if you dn't chace them and let them do all the foot work, but still putting the effort in....im going on past isuess here....be grateful if any man or women can give info or advice on this, is it me or them or both?convused.com Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 There's always the chance that it's YOU who is different, reacting to the way the guys are coming on to you. There's always a certain challenge in the one that we can't have, and maybe that's what you're experiencing here. If the guy is not as available, he makes you chase him more and you get more bound up in the emotions of that effort. Because if you DON'T put more effort into maintaining that relationship, he'll just go away. So even though you think you are treating these guys the same, your reactions to them really are different in a lot of subtle ways.
And it works the other way, too. The guys who sense that you are not as interested in them but who find you desirable are likely to work harder to try to win you over. If they weren't really interested, the minute they saw you weren't interested they would be gone, too.
So work it out. Four situations:
You, interested; Him, not interested.
Outcome: you work harder or he goes away. (#1)
You, interested, Him, interested
Outcome: the two of you get together. We haven't dealt with this scenario yet. (#2)
You, not interested, Him, not interested
Outcome: it falls apart right away. (#3)
You, not interested, Him, interested
Outcome: he works harder or you go away (#4)
So outcomes #1 and #4 are the situations you described in your question. You see why you're going to be working harder in scenario #1 than in scenario #4, don't you? If you don't, then #1 quickly becomes #3 instead. No matter how much you may think you're giving them equal treatment, you've got to be putting more effort into the situation where the guy is not as interested, or he will be gone.
The only time you don't end up in this sort of a conundrum is when the two of you are equally interested (#2). Apparently you haven't been lucky enough to run across one of those situations yet. I hope you do, and soon.
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