A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I find sex boring and very rarely enjoy it atall, i never feel like i'm building up to anything and often find it more painful than enjoyable. Is something wrong with me?I feel very pressured to enjoy sex as it means so much to my boyfriend and i always tell him i enjoy it but we both know that i've never had the 'finishing result' We've bought a sex toy, a vibrating 'bullet' and that makes everything better, but still not fantastic.Masturbating and oral sex also doesn't seem to do anything for me.I feel like there is something wrong with me as all my friends seem to enjoy sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou both for your very helpful comments, i've been with him for 7 months now! but we're having a lot of stress in the relationship which could be leading to it ?
i really do want to enjoy sex and its not that i don't like it, its just that sometimes i do get either bored or it just doesnt feel like anything really.. just getting poked! but i like seeing him happy!!
we tend to have alot of sex too which makes me sometimes hurt which can put me off.
my parents were always really open about sex which made me feel comfortable so i don't see what the problem is, i know that i'm with somebody special and i do really want to enjoy sex and getting the 'o'
thankyou both very much for being so very helpful and giving great advice :)!
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): There's nothing wrong with you. You're just not relaxed.
Have you been sexually active for long?
A lot more women then you think have this problem.
I used to too a few years ago when I first became sexually active.
I just didn't feel any build up.
I asked one of my friends about and and her words were "Oooo, I used to get that... I just takes a while".
She may have said "Man" at the end of that, but I don't rightly remember. :)
It took he half a year before I started to relax during sex and start to feel pleasure from it.
There may be factors from your past that are inflencing you in this way and making it hard for you to relax and feel pleasure.
For instance, when you were young, did your parents ever tell you off for scratching or touching yourself in that area? Were they open about sex or was it seen as something dirty within the family walls, and something that shouldn't be done. Or are you religious?
All these things can be making it harder for you as subconsciously you feel it is wrong and/or dirty.
Give yourself time. Try not to feel too pressured. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you and that there are many, MANY women going through the same things as you. Keep trying new things. The shower head for example.
Eventually you will get there.
You can email me if you have anymore questions.
Good Luck, try not to be too frustrated with yourself.
Emivia. x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 August 2008):
Perhaps you are just asexual. You say you don't enjoy it but do you WANT to enjoy it or would you be very happy just to concentrate on all the other stuff in a relationship?
Being asexual is perfectly normal, it's just not discussed very much as the world we live in is sex obsessed.
However this could cause you serious problems with your boyfriend. Don't worry about yourself too much and just accept yourself for who you are. Half the problem of not enjoying sex is being worried about not enjoying it. If you are worried or stressed then it can be really hard to get mentally turned on.
Good Luck!! xx
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