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Why does he treat me like this?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 February 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, *antgetoverit writes:

i was with my childs father for 10 years really 3 because he spent 7 in jail. i left him when he cheated on me like 4 times and i thought he would relize what he lost but it backfired on me he dont care not only that he disrespect me lets his girlfriend watch my child and when i cry he could careless i loved him forever why is he treating me like this like 10 years didnt mean a thing? i know i was a little bad when he was in jail but i would never hurt him or keep hurting him if i knew he was down! im down and he could care less why did he stop loving me so easy like that?

View related questions: cheated on me, in jail

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A female reader, cantgetoverit United States +, writes (7 February 2007):

cantgetoverit is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i would like to thank u both for ur excellent advice although i knew i was going to get that respond i was dreading to hear it! although we have hurt each other in the past and he still continue to hurt me now i just cant let go of that fact that i still love him and i feel stupid for saying it i really wanted to b a family!! if he was to make a complete 360 i would try again! but maybe im just saying that because im lonely and i miss someone loving me all these new guys i meet are not sincere these days. but then again u are right irish49 i do have to love my self first!!! i still want to beat up his new girlfriend sometimes! haha

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007):

Dear, it seems there is a lot of dysfunction going on here. Too much pain and hurt, too much cheating and a lack of trust, on both your parts. Your bf has moved on and you haven't. Both of you were equally responsible for making this relationship work or making it self-destruct. You say you would never have hurt him but you were a 'little bad' when he was in jail-does that mean you cheated? Did he find out about it? If he did, that could mean why he lost faith in you-and that means you did likely did hurt him , when he was down. But that doesn't excuse his cheating on you four times, either. Sweety, what is a healthy, successful relationship based on? Mutual respect, honesty, communication and trust. Without all four of those ingredients a relationship can not last. The bottom line in any relationship is respect. If you didn't have mutual respect or trust, even on one or both your parts, there is no relationship, only varying degrees of crap, and toxicity. So what do you do? You have a choice to make. Move on or keep yourself stuck,upset, in pain-- trying to get someone back, who simply doesn't care anymore. What a waste of your time.

Your lovely child deserves a happy Mom. So accept there is nothing that can be done to get you ex bf back. You can't make a person love you, hun, but you can love 'you'. How? You need to do to cope is surround yourself with people who give you genuine, real hope rather than drag you back into the past or drag you down. Your family, other friends and loved ones are all people you trust. Start spending time with these people. Make a list of all the things that are great about you and tell yourself. Say to yourself what I like about me is. This will boost your confidence a lot-that you will begin moving forward away from the bad memories and make you feel renewed. Ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for. Thinking that you have a roof over your head, a job, or just that you have family that love you and being grateful for the sun shining, your child and having enough to eat is sometimes very healing. It allows you to focus on what is possible and not what is no longer. But the most important thing to remember is Good luck in this healing journey and remember, be strong and there are brighter days ahead.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007):

unfortunantly it seems youve picked yourself a jack ass.

were you faithfull to him while he was in jail? maybe he has an issue that needs outing, talk to him. but dont leave yourself open and vulnerable, he seems the kind of guy who will take advantage.

i say you move on, find a guy who will treat you with respect.

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