A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years now. 4 years ago my boyfriend got out serious year and a half relationship. 2 years later he met me but sometimes I just have this feeling that he still as feelings for his ex girlfriend even though it was so long ago. A few months ago I found a bunch of pictures of them in his photo album in his room. Later, I asked him if he had any old photos of any ex girlfriends and he said "no" and it developed into an argument because I told him what I found. He then decided to throw them away and I thought that was the end of it... well so I thought. Last night I went into his drawer to find a picture of us to put up in his room when I stumbled across an old card from the girl along with another photo of them in a photo frame. I was shocked... I asked him about it and he said that he forgot it was in there. But I just can not stop thinking about it... The relationship ended 4 years ago and he still has cards and photos. He promises me that he has no feelings for her and he loves me much more than he ever loved her but sometimes I wonder. Why would he hold on to stuff for that long? And keep it in a drawer where it has very easy access to look at? He has brought her up a couple of times and he says that he hates her. But I just can't be sure if he is completely over her... even though he doesn't talk to her anymore (that I am aware of) I can't help but feel like I'll never be as great as she was... Do you have any advice for me? Do you think its weird how he still has stuff from her? I would appreciate any help that I can get, thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Wow this sounds so much like me.
First of all I have had similar things happen. I found many pictures on Facebook of him with his ex of over four years ago. Even the timeline is similar! We've been together two years as well!
Anyway, then I found things like her name on a game save, like she had played his freaking wii and xbox, and I thought surely if he knew how much the photos hurt me, he would've taken them down if he really loved me and didn't care about her anynmore. But the fact of the matter is, some people do make mistakes. Everyone does.
I just recently found out that he had her class ring at his house but lost it during a hurricane that destroyed his house. A friend of the ex asked him to look for it in exchange to remove the photos of him from her album, can you believe that?!? But I had crystal clarity that he cared for me and only me when the girl was rude to me on facebook, he sent her a mean message and stuck up for me the best way he could in that situation. He told her that his ex would never see that ring again, and he could care less about the outcome of the pictures, and that girl better not talk to me ever again, and that I deserved better than to be treated that way. I read what he wrote, and I was really eased and felt like he would go out of his way to put me and my feelings first.
You have to decide whether you will let that stuff bother you and waste more of your time, or realize that it was probably an honest mistake and he didn't want you to get hurt by it. I am sure he is only worried about you and your feelings about these things you found, not the photos themselves or anything to do with the ex-girlfriend. People just have relationships before, and it is something that will be there in the past forever, but it is the fact that you can choose to leave it dead there, because after all it is well over, or you can bring it up and let it torture you with its presence by talking or thinking about it. The more you dwell on something the more important it will seem. So focus on the things you do now, make your own album, not as a replacement but just as what you are doing NOW in your lives. Let him have his past, but don't let yourself sink into the depths of it as well. Make it obvious that you are the best thing he's ever had and make him appreciate you. Appreciate that he is a different person today, and you love him because of the person he is today. Don't think of him as he was then, think of the man you love now. Think of YOUR history together, because I can assure you that is what he is focused on.
I hope this helps. Best of luck and remember that you can shape your future, but the past isn't going to change no matter how much stock or worry you put into it. Make the decision to live happily and in the present, without worrying about a simple mistake that your boyfriend made, by hurting you with the photos by accident.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Stop being so insecure. He's with you now and he never thinks about those old pictures. They are nothing but ancient history and you are here and now.
Stop dwelling on it or you'll lose him.
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