A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been officially been broken up with my boyfriend for 2 years, well I would not say official because we continue to have sex off and on, no matter what relationship he is in? He left his rebound girl after me, and he we are still sleeping with each other. Well I don't want to do it any more. I finally realized he is using me. I thought if I keep sleeping with him, I would become the most important thing in his life again. Because he tells me that he wants to be with me, he will drop these girls at the drop of a dime, ect. But the only thing is he is so dependent on these other girls, as he was with me, 1 of the reasons I broke up with him. He has no car, no house, which is ok, but he lies about the smallest things. I also have even less trust for him as now I know he is a cheater and capable of cheating and it not bother him, because I have become the other woman. I never saw my ex BF in this light, he was too loyal in my eyes. I also know he still talks to other women in his past before me. He also lied about this, I don;t know why he lies to me because we are not together. Why does he feel he still has to lie to me. Why do I still want this man even though he has nothing to offer. He does not seem to treat this new girl well because he spent the night with me last night, I don't understand there relationship where does she think he is??? Or maybe he is just that suave. I just don't know why I can't move on with a relationship and he can? Can someone help me please. I feel PATHETIC!!!!
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female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (9 November 2007):
 Some people we choose to fall in love with-hold us because they are the cause and remedy. They create the pain but then are there to kiss it better. This is an abusive dynamic.
His actions-they speak of who he really is. Look at them. He is not trustworthy and not reliable. Emotionally, financially.
He lies to you because you believe them. He does this to get his way.
He isn't good for you. He causes you this much pain and mental anguish. Love is not like that.
Who is he to you? What importance are you giving him? Does he represent all those who hurt you and now...if you can just reform him ( that is not realistic and you know it) you'll live happily ever after? Not with him you won't.
You are struggling to let go of your idea of what he could be, what he means. You have assigned him all of your dreams of happiness, success, love, friendship and with this-give him more value than yourself. Not healthy.
He is not the only one who will love you. He doesn't love you.
Don't do this to yourself.
You need to kick this addiction. You have become depandant on him for some semblance of happiness or love. STOP IT!
Join an addictions group. Sounds out there but do it. Try it out before dimissing it. Listen to them and their sharing time. See if you recognize any traits or experiences. Get to the why you want this man, why he is important to you. You find that out and you will realize you CAN beat this addiction.
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