A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 40 and have been dating the same man for a year and a half. I love him a great deal but our relationship has always moved very slowly, which is very unusual for me. We only said the "L" word a month or so ago and have never said it since. We are both divorced and were in very bad marriages. I think he is wanting to pop the question soon and I keep pushing him away. I have tried to date other people but all I think about is him and miss him terribly when we are not together. I am terrified of another divorce. Why do I keep pushing him away, picking fights, and how do I know he is the right one for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): Fear. Pure and simple. This is why you pick fights and push him way. If you start a fight it means that you have the upper hand and that it will prevent you from getting hurt (again). Pushing your partner away is the same - its like creating a fortress. Get in first before you get hurt (again). When you realise you are doing this to protect yourself, before bad events have even happened (just in case they do).... you will change. Its a cycle and it happens because of the way you have had to defend yourself in in your bad marriage. From someone who knows this pattern only too well - don't sabotage something good that happens now because of something bad that happened in the past. Learn to open up and express your feelings rather than bottling them up.
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