A
female
age
30-35,
*oX15
writes:Why do i feel so bad after a bar hook up? And why does seeing the one guy i really liked from a bar hook up a year ago, hurt so much? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (16 September 2010):
it sounds like you are looking for love and effection in the wrong place. when your lonely or upset its perfectly normal to crave male attention. however one night stands are not the awnser just a temporary solution that leave you feeling more empty once the effection is gone. what you are really yearning for is a relationship, so why torture yourself with temporary fixes. stop going to bars for one night stands and start looking for someone to share your life with.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 September 2010):
 It sounds like you want a relationship to start out of these one night stands, and in having sex you get connected to these men. It's hard for anyone male or female to have completely detached sex. When you have sex/orgasm you release bonding hormones. It seems like bar hook-ups are just not for you. You should go someplace else to find what you're looking for: a meaningful relationship.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 September 2010):
Hi there. Perhaps you wanted more than he did.
You talk as if you aren't going out. Did you ever go out on dates? Did you go to nice places together and get to know each other?
Or, did you meet him one night when you were out with your girlfriends, you had a few drinks, got talking to him then at the end of the night went off with him and had sex - and that was it?
If this was what happened, did you ever see him again? Or was it the one time and then nothing?
If it was sex on the night you met, then he probably felt no reason to see you again, because you gave yourself to him so freely, without him having to make any kind of effort to really get to know you first. So it was too easy, you weren't a challenge for him at all. Men do like to be challenged. It makes life interesting.
The best thing you could possibly do now, is when you go out again with your girlfriends, don't have sex with a guy the night you meet him. Don't even hint that you might do that either. Instead, don't allow yourself to have so much alcohol so you don't let your guard down. You need to keep all your wits about you, so you don't get into a situation where you might do something you later regret.
Instead, just get talking to guys and make friends with them. Just be yourself, don't pretend to be someone you are not - that comes across as false. People can see through that sort of behaviour very quickly. It's insincere.
As long as you are genuine, and promise yourself you will not be taken advantage of or be mistreated, you will start to feel good about yourself again and regain your confidence. Besides it's all in the past now anyway. You can't change history.
Just look forward and start to believe in yourself. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy.
And don't forget to laugh and be happy.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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