A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this semester, I met this girl and was instantly attached, I paid so much attention to her, txted her, called her, just in general wanted to be around her, problem is, she just got out of a relationship and said she didn't want anything. I said I understood, but still wanted to hang out with her, and so I did, and I thought we were getting close (we would sleep together, no sex, and in general hang out alot) We talked one night, and she ended up saying she cared about me, but didn't want to hurt me and said maybe we should cool it and take things a step back. The next week, I see her at a party all over another guy and later on they ended up going back together...Now i understand I'm not her bf, and so what she does is her business, but why would she lead me on, just to stab me in the back like that??? It makes me feel so bad cause all i wanna do is be with her and she said the same, but she ends up hooking up with this other guy right in front of me...Do i have the right to feel pissed off and just angry at her, or i'm i just too sensitive???Why??? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): Yeah you have a right to be pissed. Pretty much the same thing happened to me and I'm fuckin pissed. I'm giving up on her and just tryin to forget about it.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 December 2008):
 The simple, easy and right thing to do is keep your distance and be happy with someone else. Don't look for her, don't call her, et cetera. Don't worry, many people have felt the same way and they have all survived.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, like i knew what i was getting myself into, but like you guys said, i just went with it, which was kind of my fault...however i do still feel like she used me in many ways, more than the description i've given and i just want to know, do you think it'd be better if i just from here on out tried and not necessasrily ignore her but just not contact her, or do you think it'd be better if i sat her down, told her how i feel (hurt) and then move on...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (21 December 2008):
I'm sorry to say this because I know how much it will hurt, but I think you'd better move on and forget about those things.
She said she "didn't want anything". And then she also said she "didn't want to hurt you". It's true that she also slept with you (no sex) and all that. But, in general, the situation was one in which you were trying to get her to love you despite the fact that she had already said she didn't.
I think we should also pay more attention to action than words. In this case, her words defined what you could expect from her. My experience is that you should always know where you stand with someone before you get drawn to that. Perhaps it would have been very difficult and you would still be in love with her, but I think you should have tried to move on from the very moment she said she didn't want anything.
The good thing about pain and mistakes is that we can learn a lot from them, perhaps a lot more than we can from a passionate kiss or wonderful company. See this as a chance to be happy with someone else by not repeating the same mistakes.
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