A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my wife for about three years. We were married about 6 months ago. When I first met her she had come to the tail end of a relationship with a guy that she had dated for about two years but had never committed to her. I was attracted to her but wasn't looking for a relationship because I had just come out of one... we went out once on something resembling a date, where I kissed her and felt something between us that was strong, but I was scared of and tried to deny to myself (in terms of how much it meant to me) we then had sex a short time afterward (couple weeks). It was incredibly awkward and afterwards we kind of moved apart for a couple weeks.We kept in touch, but it wasn't anything serious. I started to realize that despite the awkward sex, I had feelings towards her that had started to develop, because we had still had little chit-chats every now and then, nothing serious though. Eventually she contacted me and we went out for real. We hit it off. From there a couple weeks later we became an exclusive couple and two+ years later we were married (best sex ever by the way, it improved vastly).The problem is just recently through discussion I remembered that when I first started talking to her she was still in touch with her ex. We talked about it and I found out after me and her had our awkward sex, she had slept with him again, but ended up ending it completely with him that same night because she realized that he just didn't do it for her. She says that was the night that she realized she might actually have feelings for me. We ended up together and have pretty much had a storybook relationship since then... we are probably one of the most faithful couples you will ever see.It hit me very very hard. The strange thing was, I hadn't thought about it to this point. At the time, I imagine I even assumed they were trying to work things out... it didn't bother me. But now looking back, it bothers me tremendously. I can't figure out why. She did absolutely nothing wrong. In all honest, if she hadn't have tried things with him, me and her might have never ended up together... but hearing it years later hurt me and I haven't been able to shake it from my head for about a week. Is it possible that I started to fall for her before she did for me, and I felt like I possessed her in a way that I didn't at that point. She says looking back she feels bad about it, but we both agree there was nothing wrong with it. From the moment we became exclusive she has been 100% faithful to me in ways I could only dream of.Do you think its just the sort of initial shock of hearing it after the time that has passed? I don't want this to become something I dwell on, because honestly this really doesn't pertain to me seeing as me and her were never together at the time. Heck, if anything it would be a case of me 'stealing' her from him... why would it hit me like it did?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (11 February 2009):
In my mind, my husband has never really had sex with another girl. The idea of him being as intimate with someone else as he has been with me is just horrible.
Of course I know he has had girlfriends and one night stands and all kinds of things, but the thing that bothers me most is that he had a "friends with benefits" relationship.
It was a year before we met and she is now married now so there was nothing ever there, but for some reason that is the only thing I get jealous of from his past. It makes no sense at all that I am jealous of that and not of the girls he told he loved and put effort into.
All we can do is accept that there are some things that bother us even though they are silly and our logical brain KNOWS that.
All I can advise is just to try not to think about it and that you stop reading this, and go find her and just look at how incredibly beautiful she is without even having to try. And how this amazing beautiful woman is all yours and look at the way she looks at you when you sweep her up in your arms.
Do that and you'll forget everything.
Good Luck!! xx
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