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female
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*londie101
writes: I am very disappointed with my boyfriend of one and a half years, because I told him I wanted to spend New Year's Eve with him. He said he did too, but 2 weeks later, when I asked what he wanted to do for New Year's, he said he had decided to go to his home town in Kansas. I know I should respect his desire to be with his family, but shouldn't he want to spend this day with me and keep his word to me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (24 November 2005):
 I think the two answers below are making assumptions.
The first anonymous answer is making your problem make you seem like a possessive girlfriend and basically cruelly taking the p**s.
The second is making it seem as if your boyfriend is torn with his decision but you actually didn't say that. It sounds more like he has just changed his mind and indeed, you perhaps should be included in the invitation.
Would he like you to go with him? Ask him how he feels. Suggest this as an option and look also at other times you can be together over the festive season. Both you and his family should be important to him.
I hope this helps.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (24 November 2005):
I think the two answers below are making assumptions.
The first anonymous answer is making your problem make you seem like a possessive girlfriend and basically cruelly taking the p**s.
The second is making it seem as if your boyfriend is torn with his decision but you actually didn't say that. It sounds more like he has just changed his mind and indeed, you perhaps should be included in the invitation.
Would he like you to go with him? Ask him how he feels. Suggest this as an option and look also at other times you can be together over the festive season. Both you and his family should be important to him.
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005):
Yes, he should immediatly quit his job and cut off all contact with other people so he can spend all day, every day with you.
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A
female
reader, One Of The Ancients +, writes (22 November 2005):
You've been with him a long time, as dating goes. Have you considered "Option Three"? Why not ask him if you can go with him to visit his family in Kansas? Then you can have everything: a happy boyfriend, a happy boyfriend's family, and a NYE together.
And, for what it's worth, you SHOULD respect his desire to be with family. The fact that he misses them and is torn over where to spend the winter hols shows that he's a loving son. This is something you should be encouraging, especially if you plan on spending more years with him. Remember, if you're with your boyfriend for the long-term, you're going to run into this situation year after year.
Frankly, your letter comes across to me as a little bit pout-y and grumbling. Remember, though, you're not the only person he loves. Be flexible with your plans. This man has a whole history with his family and that can't be erased!
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