A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in love with my teacher for almost seven years now. Let's call him Peter. When we met, I was 14. Peter was 42. At the time, he'd been engaged so that was yet another reason why I didn't pursue him. During high school, we had spent a lot of time together. He was the school's softball coach. I was on the team. We had grown really close. Close enough to make people think there was something going on between us. But nothing ever happened. Peter was my confidant and while his wife was overseas (it took her a while to get a green card), I was his confidant. I would never do anything that would cause trouble for his family or his career. So, three years ago, when I was 18, I told Peter how I felt in a long e-mail. I told him straight out that I didn't expect anything in return. It was for closure. I knew that he wouldn't just drop everything to be with me. I wasn't even 100% sure if he had had feelings for me. Honestly, I was barely even 1% sure! His response was professional. He said that I'd made him feel slightly uncomfortable and that we never friends. I'd replied back, apologizing for making him feel that way. And I haven't heard from him since. My question is that why am I still pining for him three years later? I thought I would be over him by now. I thought sending that letter was supposed to help. Maybe I'm still waiting for him to wake up and realize it was me he wanted all along? But I'm not stupid. I know it'll never happen. I'm capable of thinking realistically. I mean, I know what would've happened if I hadn't sent that letter. Sure, he would still be a part of my life. And sure, we would probably get together once in a while for coffee but I would spend most of my days doing the same thing I did back in high school: analyzing every little thing he'd say. I'd still be waiting for him to want me. But isn't that what I'm doing now? And sometimes I see his name on a book or hear it on TV, and I become annoyed. I don't want to be reminded of him but at the same time I do. I don't want to be in love with him for the rest of my life. I want to fall in love with someone else and get married and have children.
View related questions:
engaged, my teacher Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
You write: "I don't want to be in love with him for the rest of my life. I want to fall in love with someone else and get married and have children."
I suggest that you DO "be in love with him for the rest of (upir) life..." and chalk it up to a wonderful memory from your teenage years....
THEN, get on with your adult life... and, when you find that other - available - guy who floats your boat,... fall in love with him... paint over the memories that you know you will have... and focus all your love and attention on your new guy... and the marriage and family that you crave...
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 August 2012):
 I think because you had a crush on the guy ( being your teacher doesn't mean you actually KNOW the guy, you knew him as your teacher, which is in his professional capacity, not the private person that is the man.)
However, I think you build him up to be some kind of "perfect" man. You put him up on a pedestal where he shines. Even if this guy that you were/are crushing on, isn't who he is it doesn't matter. It's kind of like any crush. It's the IDEA of the person that you have build him up to be that makes you feel an attachment to. However you seem to have turned it from a crush into a slight obsession, where you HAD to tell him how you felt.
And realistically, even if you hadn't written that letter there is no way of knowing that you would have been friends later on. Some guys, believe it or not, aren't interested in very young ladies.
Once you realize that it ISN'T love, it will be easier putting it in the past.
YOU are the one holding YOU back.
...............................
|
