A
female
age
30-35,
*ittlelonely33
writes:I'm 15 going on 16 and I have never been attracted to anyone. Trust me I've tried. I thought in the past that perhaps I could be gay, but that doesn't work because, well I don't know, I'm not attracted to girls. Guys scare me, not just in the shy way but I'm scared that they're going to smack me around or something. I was bullied all through elementery school, mainly by guys. I mean I can understand that I haven't fallen head over heels for anyone, but shouldn't I at least find someone attractive. PLus, it doesn't help that I'm invisible. I am neither popular nor a loser. Shouldn't I be feeling something for someone. I have kissed a guy and just, gag, and nothing. I didn't get butterfly's, I actually dumped him rite after.Does that mean that there's something wrong with me? I am seriously confused and I'm starting to lose it. I'm in full-out panic mode. Any suggestions would be helpful.
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male
reader, olibob  +, writes (20 February 2011):
Heyy i am 18 male and i am going through the same thing. I am sure i am not gay but i just dont feel anything when i am with a girl.. any help?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): While there's a lot to be scared of at 15, (99.9% of it we all learn was just stuff that every 15 year old gets worried about...like being attracted to the opposite sex, finding a significant other, dating, sex, college...) is all normal fears that we grow out over over time.Odds are REALLY GOOD that you'll morph over into the attraction phase in the next year or so... everyone is different... relax and let your body grow... and don't worry about being gay - if your attracted to guys GREAT! if the first person is a girl, that's OK... you'll likley have a bit of both, and you'd be far from the first woman who had a relationship with a girl at a young age - most girls (even some who we certain they were lesbian in their 20's) have relationsips with men... Best of luck! And please don't think you're alone... at least you have places like this to hear that many of use felt the same way at your age...when I was your age there was NO ONE to ask...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Yeah, I agree with the old guy, your past experience may have left you with minor androphobia. I think it'll work in your favour in terms of judging guys who try and know you on a personal level in future. Eventually you will find a guy who you are attracted to so dont worry. There is nothing wrong with you.I'm sure if you are more social with guys you will find someone who you feel something for. Besides, you're my age, you got a loooong time to find someone attractive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Attraction is not a conscious choice. Attraction is a combination of feelings that draw you to a person, an ideal, a group or a thing. You don't 'try' to be attracted to others. You either are or you're not.
As for being scared, that is a completely different issue on its own. Old Guy has offered some basic comprehension on this issue. It's just a matter of time and the willingness to explore your sexuality, connections and relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): If you were bullied then it's no surprise that you have issues. Your formative experience with boys is to expect something bad -- that can be very powerful conditioning.
It's very common for people who were bullied to do their best to become invisible, particularly when they change schools. Sound like you've succeeded.
I'm pretty sure there's nothing really wrong with you. I suspect you're just being so careful to avoid being hurt again that no one's getting close enough to cause a flutter, let alone butterflies. If you can manage to relax a bit, let down the barriers a bit, you might just find that there are guys out there who merit your trust and who will have you feeling attracted.
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