A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:I've been friends with this girl for a couple of years. I first met her as the girlfriend of one of my friends. Their relationship has since ended and I haven't heard much from either of them. We've hung out on occasion and speak to each other through Facebook. She's quite flighty, and ever since I met her I get anxious when I haven't heard from her for awhile. Naturally, I would imagine since the break up she's moving on with her life, meeting other men, making new friends all the time, that we wouldn't be as close as before. But she's grown more and more distant, where for a time we were very close. She recently got a new cell phone and never sent me the number, which upsets me. She was the closest female friend I had, and since I never have a girlfriend, I liked at least having a close female friend that I could connect with. So, why am I anxious whenever I don't hear from her? It's not the end of the world, I just wish I had a closer friendship with her. It's either that I have feelings for her in particular, or simply a matter of having no other options for female connection and a scarcity of women in my life in general, where I'm sad that we weren't as close as I thought, and I'm left without companionship or friendship, I don't really know where to go from here.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MenLoveMe +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Have you tried to reach put and tell her how you feel? That you miss hearing from her? That is one place to start, but you have to identify the source of this anxiety you now feel. Separation anxiety can occur when you miss someone dear to you in general, or it can mean that you have stronger feelings for her. Ask yourself, do you find her attractive? If she has a relationship with another man and finds happiness would that bother you? If it were a guy you didn't know? One of your friends? Why would you care or not care? Decide what it is you are feeling. Then write a letter saying all you want her to know. Read it a few times to be sure it is how you truly feel. Decide if you want to find her and give it to her or if you want to just tell her face to face. Be honest, be patient. Prepare yourself for disappointment and prepare to let her go, if necessary. Respect that you were once close and it was special while it lasted. That you wish her well, and you will always care. If you manage to reach her and she responds well, decide where you want to go from there and don't send mixed messages. If she doesn't respond the way you had hoped, one day at a time move on.
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