A
male
age
36-40,
*tarseekerbb
writes:What do you do when your partner makes you feel that everything you discuss with her is petty. Things like voicing how you feel about her dancing with other guys, how she makes me feel when she says i am talking nonsense when i am being serious with her, making sarcastic remarks during a discussion? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 What she is doing has a name, it's called not validating the other persons feelings.
And if something is important enough to you to bring it to her attention and have a discussion about it, then it should be important enough to her to listen until you have finished. But that doesn't mean you are always right or should get your own way. You both need to learn to compromise on issues that you disagree about.
Take the issue of her dancing with other guys. Do you dance with her whenever she wants to dance, or not? If you don't like to dance as much as she does then she should be able to dance with anyone she likes as long as she goes home with you when the dance is over. And doesn't get drunk or overly flirtatious with them. The same goes for when your not there, as long as she leaves alone.
How many things that she calls stupid and petty are actually about you trying to control her or keep her from having fun with her friends? If that is what you are doing then she is right, it is stupid and petty for you to do that. And will only push her away from you.
So you need to decide if she is being disrespectful to you or if you are being disrespectful to her and work from there. One of you needs to change, or you are never going to make it. Try meeting her halfway and see how it goes.
If you still think your requests are reasonable then try a technic called listen and repeat back. For example: You state what is bothering you and she has to repeat it back to you in her own words to show that she heard you correctly and understands what you are asking. BEFORE she can state her own opinion or side of the story. And you do the same for her when she has an issue with you.
This makes you feel heard better and stops her from jumping right into an arguement by cutting you off or disagreeing with you before you have a chance to finish your thoughts.
I hope this helps.
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