A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please don't say break up with him and nothing else. I might break up but what to talk to him about these things.I want to know what to say to my bf about this stuff.I've had a bf for a couple of years. He said he is committed to me because he isn't looking for anyone else and is faithful to me. I think there is a lot more to being committed than that but how do I explain that to him?Second part...He hasn't told his mom about me yet. Get this...I was at his house and his mom calls and no big deal ya know and then my mobile rings and I answer it and go into the hall so I could hear and I come back in and he had hung up on his mother so she wouldn't hear a female voice in the background! OMG and he lied about it too! She called him back and asked him what happened and he said they got disconnected and told her something must be wrong with her line! What should I say to him about this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): This is the op
I could hear him talking to his mom just fine. I know it was it mom.
The problem is he didn't want her to hear me in the background so he hung up on her.
A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 I see two parts to this question, correct me if I'm wrong. First off you are asking if his definition of commitment is adequate. For some people, it certainly is. For him, it definitely seems to be. You don't specify what further commitment you are looking for. Do you want him to move in with you? To marry you? Be warned that commitment you have to push for or force may not turn out quite the way you hope. By itself, the fact that he sees commitment as fidelity to you and you only isn't really a red flag, only an apparent difference in priorities that the two of you will need to sort out at some point if your relationship is to progress. Heads up.
The fact that he hasn't told his mother about you after several years of a relationship is DEFINITELY a red flag. Clearly there is some concern he hasn't voiced to you because this is not normal behavior. I'm not saying dump him straight out, but I do think you need to bring this up with him, and don't accept an excuse if you can identify it as such. You may not like the answer you receive but it is far better to find out now what he is hiding here than invest more time in someone who may not be right for you.
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A
female
reader, chastine  +, writes (30 December 2008):
how can this guy told you that he is faithful and commited to you if he does'nt tell his mom about you? if he's really faithful wny he did not let you hear their conversation if it's really true that he's talking to his mom? we'll i think you have to talk to him and tell him all about your feelings. mybe this guy does'nt know the importance of being vocal and honest in a relationship. tell him what you feel and listen to his explanation if you really love him.
and one more thing for you, dont judge him without proof.
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