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*aul_michaels
writes: A few months back I was seeing a girl who I worked with. We had only known each other for about a month before we started dating. My opinion of her had changed completely over that month, from not really caring to speak to her, to finding I really enjoyed being around her. This meant when we started seeing each other things were great, I had got the impression previously that she really liked me. After only a few weeks it stopped, because of her really. She had started being off with me and I got to a point where I just wasn’t going to make the effort. As I worked with her, this made things really awkward, we rarely talked, from my side I felt I deserved an explanation for her finishing things, so I didn’t believe I should make the effort with her. I have now stopped working there but will return at Christmas, but my sister now works there. This means that I have a constant reminder of her, as my sister seems to get on well with her. I saw the girl recently but didn’t make any effort to speak to her, with the same back in my direction from her. I really want to be able to get on with her as friends, because before we started to see each other, we got on great. How should I approach her in the future, when we see each other again, because I find it hard to just go and talk to her, especially when I get the impression she really isn’t interested in talking to me? I ask this, because although we never got serious, I find I think about her and wonder what could have happened if things had worked out differently.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2005): It is normal for you to wonder about things, because you never got a proper reason for things ending in the first place. This doesn't mean that you necessarily still have feelings for her.
The key to this is to approach her as if nothing has happened between you ever and you are just colleagues. It will feel odd at first but ignoring the elephant in the room sometimes does actually work - this way the pressure is off both of you and the awkwardness is lessened, albeit artificially. Your sister is friends with her, but you are not anymore, and you may just have to be colleagues and accept that friendship may not be possible with her again.
I have one caveat to add though: I find it odd that she 'started being off' with you out of the blue - something must have happened and perhaps you could have talked about it rather than simply giving up? But as you did give up so easily and stop making an effort, were you really that much into the relationship in the first place? It sounds to me like maybe you contributed more to ending this than you are accepting responsibility for. She may have sensed your lack of commitment and backed off to protect herself from being hurt. Just an idea anyway.
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