A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 4 years and i have been constantly fighting about my past sexual relationships, which unfortunately he knows the details about my exes.he keeps saying he will leave because i expect him to live and love a person like me, who gave herself away so freelyy to people who didnt even love her . i love and i dont want lose him. what can i do to show him?
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male
reader, LOSTONEla  +, writes (29 January 2009):
Dont fight about it - he needs to either understand how you felt and grow up - or he is not worth being with. Either he can come around to understanding that you need to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince, or he is simply another toad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your responses. they have been very insightlful and have given something to think about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): His feelings are pretty normal. If his own sexual past is much less checkered, then his feelings are even pretty understandable.But it sounds like he is handling his emotions like an abusive asshole. You should not have to put up with this. He needs to either accept you unconditionally now, or break things off like an adult. Your situation sounds like emotional abuse right now.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (12 December 2008):
 This is a really tough one. First of all, I am not going to hate on your boyfriend, but I do think he is out of line for putting you down and stringing you along. You deserve someone who can love and respect you for who you are. There are lots of guys out there that aren't so bothered about their significant others pasts.
However, I do have some empathy for both of you.
I am in the same position as he is. I'm 27 and have had only had two sexual partners, both in loving long term relationships. I never was a player who tried to rack up a bunch of conquests. My girl however has lived the exact opposite lifestyle as I have. I love her but the idea that she gave herself away for guys she didn't even like that much eats me alive on a daily basis.
She's an amazing person, extremely loyal, and will make a wonderful wife and mother one day. However, I honestly don't know if I can be her husband. I've tried to suppress my feelings about her past for almost a year and I honestly don't think I can stop resenting her for her promiscuity. She deserves better than this and I hate myself for that.
It sounds like your boyfriend might never get over this and he has no right to hold your past over your head. I think you need to break it off with him. You'll find someone who's better siuted for you, and it will give him a chance to find someone with a past he can stomach.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You have been in a relationship with him for four years. When did he first begin telling you he would leave because you want to be in a committed exclusive relationship with him?
And, anyway, what about HIS past girlfriends and sexual encounters? Is he, so to speak, squeaky clean himself?
I would point out that what happened in your past before you met him IS just that: past history and nothing to do with him! Its not as if you and he were dating and you were having sex with others during that time, is it? Forgive this question, but is there some concern on his part about catching an STD from one of you to the other?
Given all this, and apparently the "constant fighting" has not resolved the problem, I'd say if he wants to leave, then let him! I'm serious! If he cannot accept that your past IS the past and love and respect you, you are better off without him! Hard as that may be.
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