A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so my wife works at a bar and she has this guy that stays after hours while she cleans up. On one note I feel more comfortable knowing that someone is there with her, on another note I don't fully trust this guy.She has known him for 9 years and SHE has not done anything ever to make me suspicious; but, he on the other hand seems a bit shady. She caught him taping her one night while she was on a girl's night out at a dance club and she was dancing in tight white jeans. He just so happened to show up at the club, which isn't abnormal as he spends time in the area night life establishments. However, she was upset as when he showed her the video, it paid a lot of attention including zooming in on her butt as she danced. She got mad, and told him to delete it immediately and that it was inappropriate. He complied. She didn't talk to him at all for about 6 months. This was several years ago. Anyhow, fast forward, they slowly started talking again and seem to be good friends again. She told me about the video and told me she didn't trust him, but now she says he is "in check" so to say.Well, I guess the part that makes me weary is the fact that whenever I see this guy, he REFUSES to look me in the eyes. I just can't trust a person like that. Not to compare her to my "ex" but I had the same type thing happen with my "ex", this other guy would never look me in the eye and I always warned my "ex" to be cautious as I thought the other guy had ill intentions, and well as you can guess, he did. In fact, he seduced her and got her pregnant! That was the end of my first marriage.Anyhow, it also seems weird that on the nights that she comes home from the bar and he was there, that she gets really short with me. She came home last night at about 12:30 and I heard the noise and woke up to see if all was ok. She got snappy with me like "Why aren't you sleeping!" She needed me to wake her up in the morning which I did and made her coffee and she is still snappy. A lot of one word answers with such tone. I'm like what did I do? Did I do something to piss you off? She said she was tired, and it was early in the morning, etc. I was like fine, and got my daughter ready for school. I returned the one word short treatment and said bye as we were walking out of the door. She was like "What? No kiss?"What should I take of this? Am I being paranoid?
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female
reader, smitheroon +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Yes, you are being paranoid. I realize you had a bad experience with your first marriage - but you said that man had "seduced" your ex-wife and gotten her pregnant... that shows me that you still have this idea that women can be "seduced" into doing something we normally wouldn't.
This guy sounds like he's probably a perv - but he's a harmless perv. Yeah, he took a video of her butt, but she showed you that it made her angry. Geez, we women have standards, come on now, give your wife some respect. She has to work with this guy. She's probably snippy with you because I'm assuming it's apparent that you're being paranoid about this and getting all huffy and freaked out over this weirdo. Who cares? He's just some guy who likes your wife's butt. When YOU show that you're annoyed by this LOSER, it's like an insult to your wife. It's like you telling her that she has no standards and would just have sex with anyone! That's so rude!
Back off and trust your wife. She can handle herself.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I don't think she has given you reason to doubt her. Talk to her be honest and tell her you don't trust this dude and tell her how you feel. If you want also talk to him and tell him to respect your women but don't be paranoid she was probably tire from work and wanted to rest, she might have woken up in a bad mood it happens, thing is she showed you nothing was wrong when she wanted that big kiss good bye.
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