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female
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*onelyandsad
writes: Hi,I really like this guy, we spent 3 months together hanging out. We decided that we were going to be friends with benefits.Things were going really well, he was getting really affectionate, and it looked like we had a lot in common. Then after a really great weekend, he told me that I was too attached.We have not hung out since then, and it is really hard cause we work together. He is always coming over to the section where I work, and chatting and stuff.What did he mean when he said I was too attached, does it sound like he was too attached????
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (5 September 2005):
 It's hard to say whether he became too attached but it does sound to me like you wanted to be more than just Friends With Benefits, and that you were becoming too attached.
If you weren't attached, for example, it shouldn't bother you that you see this guy at work, that you're not hanging out—even that you're not, as the kids say, hooking up anymore. When you're *really* Friends With Benefits, you each have a good time while you're together...and not much thought of the other outside of that time. You can both take it or leave it.
Maybe you both started out that way—it's hard to tell from your question what your true intentions were going in—but it's clear that for at least one of you, hopes evolved in a different direction.
What he meant when he said you were too attached was exactly that: you'd become attached to some kind of outcome other than the initial arrangement between you two. There's nothing wrong with that; this kind of thing happens all the time in relationships. It's just not what he signed on for.
So even if he had developed feelings beyond the initial "I Enjoy Your Company and (ahem) Certain Other Things", it doesn't matter. He's not interested in exploring those right now with you.
Learn from the experience, let it go, and move on.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (5 September 2005):
It seems like this guy may be immature. Don't you think that its a bit rude after spending the weekend together that he is giving you the cold shoulder. I would say that you really need to steer clear of him for your own sake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2005): I was in a similar situation myself. It sounds like he just doesn't know what he wants. He could also be thinking that because you work together, you got together and it didn't work out, the scene around work could be really tense and it could affect both your jobs. If he isn't willing to talk about what went wrong, then he's not emotionally stable enough to have a real relationship right now. Find someone who will be willing to communicate and spend time with you. Easier said than done, but that's what I would do (and have done)!
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