A
female
age
30-35,
*enna2000
writes:My bf Jack is in the army, he is VERY close to his family espically his parents and I love that about him. He was deployed for a year and just came back 3 weeks ago and his mom is driving us crazy. we both lived at home with our parents before he left (he is 23 and I am 21) while he was gone I got an apartment and we agreed that when he came home he would move in. His first weekend home his mom held a huge family party, which literally last all weekend with all his relatives coming to visit. I understand that she missed him and thought it was great that she had did everything for him BUT its not ending. Every day she has something planned for him, he even told her he wanted a day to just to be alone and she got mad and said that she missed him and did the whole guilt thing so he would do what she wanted. He moved in last week and she cried and tried to make him feel guilty about leaving home. She calls 40 times in a day and if we dont answer she drives over. She called him on saturday and said that she had made plans for him to visit with some family friends and he said that he coudlnt because we were staying home to be together and that he just needed some down time so she showed up. She stayed half the afternoon and when he asked her to leave she left mad and then came back 3 times that evening. While he was away we talked about starting a family when he came home. This morning he asked me if I was serious about wanting to have kids and when I said yes, he asked me to go off my birth control pills. I threw them in the garbage in our bathroom. RIght after breakfast his mom came to visit and apparently seen them in the garbage and she asked him if they could go otu for dinner alone tomight and while they were out she told him that she found my pills and that I was trying to get pregannt and trap him into staying with me. when he laughed and said he knew about it she got mad because we didnt discuss it with her first. She is driving us crazy literally, what can we do to make her realize that he is a grown up and she needs to let him go.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 There is a pursuer/distancer relationship between mom and son. The more she bugs him, the more he runs away. It's good that your boyfriend can say no, but it's even better if he could express his feelings to her about her overprotectiveness so that he doesn't have to hide things from her. If your boyfriend can take the initiative to report what's going on in his day and also ask about hers, that would calm her down and she would be less likely to call so much. Your boyfriend can tell her that he's very happy to share a future with you, but he would not ever forget his family. Are you getting married? It's not that she is losing a son and that your family is losing a daughter. Think about it this way, his family is gaining a daughter while your family is gaining a son.
|
