A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is very introverted and internalizes his feelings quite a bit. He's had many girlfriends in the past, even an ex-finace. He hasn't told me loves me, which I attribute to a lot of relationships and a lot of bad relationships that he has mentioned, and that, for him, those 3 little words have a huge meaning. What frustrates me is the amount that he internalizes things. He's admitted it to me, how much he does. We've been together a year, and he's never ever brought up anything that bothers him about me, or just straight up tells me about how he's feeling about something. Every once in a while he'll tell me that i'm wonderful and what not.I once straight up asked him if he thought I was attractive (because he never really tells me), and he said "woah what? yes! of course i do!" as if he was surprised that I was asking, as if I should have known thats what he thought.I seem to have to really work if I want to know how he feels about things. If I don't, he just won't tell me.What can I do to help the communication level? Should I still be working on always asking him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I appreciate the answers. Gives me an insight I, obviously, had not thought of.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 after a year and no changes, you need to accept that he's a man of few words.
my husband is like this. I had to learn to look at his actions not his words...
if you must have a man who says "I love you" or "you look pretty" on a regular basis without prompting, you may have to find a different man.
reminds me of a line in the movie "Working Girl" the guy proposes and she say "maybe" because she does not want to say NO in front of all his friends... and he gets upset... she says very wisely "if you want a different answer ask a different girl."
we cannot make people be what we WANT them to be.. we can only love and accept them where they are. and if where they are is not acceptable for us, then we have to leave.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): "What can I do to help the communication level?"Accept him for the quiet introvert he is, stop bugging him, and start paying attention to what he does to show you he loves you instead of fishing for meaningless compliments and empty professions of love. Any scumbag can tell a chick he loves her if he thinks that's what it takes to get into her pants, and if Dear Cupid is any barometer then more chicks fall for it than not. "Should I still be working on always asking him?"No, you should be working on demonstrating how you feel about him while paying attention to how he demonstrates his feelings for you.As I often advise a typical lovelorn DC poster whose scumbag boyfriend "tell me he loves me" while treating her like dirt, "Don't believe what a guy SAYS, believe what he DOES."
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