A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my girlfriend for a little over two months now and from the start, everything has been so complicated. she's needed so much from me already in this short span of time, and i'm starting to feel resentment and wonder if i can take it anymore.when we first met, we hit it off instantly. we really connected. but she then told me she needed me to be patient with her because she had just ended an abusive relationship and she just needed someone to be her rock for the time being and needed us to move slowly so she could get her head in the right place and be ready for a healthy relationship. at times it was a struggle because she'd be so up and down with me, hot and cold, and it would confuse the hell out of me. one minute she'd be all about me, the next she needed space. it really was emotionally draining. normally i would have just walked away in any other situation, but i saw so much good in her, i felt that if i could just be patient, it would be worth the wait. i noticed that the more patient i was, the better things got and we actually made progress together. but it came at an emotional toll on me. she really put a lot of pressure on me to be her rock through trying to get through all of her emotional abuse. it was so much to ask of someone right off the bat, and i did the best i could.well things started to lighten up and get much easier for the past week. she seemed to be in a much better place, and i thought the hard part was over and it would be smooth sailing. but then her dad got sick and is bad off. now her schedule consists of going to the hospital, work, hospital, work, etc. and she goes days without calling me or even filling me in on how he's doing. she's completely shut me out. i've tried to be there for her emotionally. let her know that if she needs anything, i'm there. but she doesn't want that. i even went so far as to go buy her a fleece blanket for the cold hospital, some crossword puzzles to keep her busy, and some food for dinner, and left it in her truck with a note saying how much i care and worry about her. she responded by saying thanks but that she didn't need any of that, and that the only person she was concerned about was him at the moment, not her. i tried to express to her that i understood that, but my concern was with her and i just wanted to help. she insisted i not do that again. so in other words, she shut me down completely. she really just wants to be left alone. which i'm trying to be okay with, but it's hard when you care about someone. she told me tonight she feels she's being pulled in a million different directions by her family, all needing different things from her in this time of need, and that she once again, just needs me to be her rock when everyone else has failed her. i told her i was trying to be her rock by doing the things for her that i did. but her idea of being a rock means leaving her alone and when she comes to me to talk, just letting her talk. but i don't know if i can handle all of this right off the bat. we've only been together two months and this seems like so much, considering this is a brand new relationship. i don't want to leave her in a time of need though. everyone always seems to leave her when she needs them. i don't want to do the same. but how much do i take for a relationship i'm unsure of? when is enough enough? please help. advice needed.
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