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*razyeskimo16
writes: I am in need of advice. I am 19 and my boyfriend is 20. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. Up until a week ago we would commute two hours to see each other on the weekends. For the past few weeks we talked about living together during the summer, and this last week I have been living with him. The problem is that my boyfriend has changed his mind. He wants us to have seperate lives and he's not ready for the commitment of spending so much time with me. The problem is that I can't afford to have an apartment on my own, and unless I live with him, I would have to go live back home. We both agree that an indefinate long-distance relationship wouldn't work for us, but we also don't want to break up because the relationship is great so far. I think that he would feel differently once I get a job and friends in this new city. I think he wouldn't feel so much like a married couple if I had things to do on my own. If you can, please give me advice. Should I move in, even though it's still early in the relationship so that we can continue to get to know each other, or should I leave? He can't decide and neither can I. I would, however, like to figure things out before I waste even more time trying to settle in. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (28 May 2005):
I say you should try it, since even if it fails you will gain some ancient wisdom about living with a man. I am for this only if you have a place to go if things go wrong, which they probably will (has happened to me), and people who love you who can back you up. I'll tell you now, though, it won't be easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2005): If he said he's not ready to be committed then do you think he's trying to push you away slowly but surely? He might have a female on the other end. Find out.
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reader, heyitsme09876 +, writes (23 May 2005):
Honey, take it from me. You are young and so is your relationship. Don't put this kind of strain on it yet. If he is supporting you for the most part, you'll end up feeling dependant and indebted to him and he'll most likely end up resentful. He may be the very kindest, most giving person in the world, but he has already told you that he doesn't want it that way. Even very generous men don't usually like to pay the majority of their girlfriend's bills. They like to give things when it's something you want but don't need, or just once or twice when they can feel like they've helped you avoid a crisis. Remember, unless it's long term, it's not fair for you to expect him to take care of you. Besides, if you do end up married, you stand a better chance statistically of staying together if you don't live together first. Crash at his place for two weeks tops, and only if you have to, but find other living arrangements. Maybe you can find another girl to room with!
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