A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. I'm really confused at this moment. Not sure what to do. My ex and I were together for quite some time. We have been through a lot together in our relationship, and not all of it was good. There's been a lot of hurt on both ends. We have agreed that the best thing to do for each other is to give each other time apart to let go of the hurt, and get ourselves together individually, or the same problems would only continue to keep reappearing. We agreed to not speak for a while to work on ourselves apart. I fully support this decision and think it's a necessity. In fact, it was partially my idea. I still harbored a lot of hurt and resentment for things that happened in our relationship (no one cheated), and it was something I needed to let go of. It's just that now, it's been over two weeks, and I'm finding this hard to do. At first, it was great. I felt I had the time to reflect on all the things that happened between us and what we could do differently. I started to forgive for the past and let go and overall felt good and optimistic. Now, I'm just starting to become anxious that we will never speak again or that she will move on or decide she doesn't want to get back together. When we last spoke, she said that she sees her future with me and that doesn't just change for her overnight. That if we ever have any chance of not repeating the past, we need to make some changes apart and that if in that span of time, we both reunite and find we are still in love, we will make it work. I agreed with all this. But now, I'm finding it hard to work on myself and focus on the things that would better this relationship and me, when there is so much uncertainty about us getting back together. Rather than focusing on myself, I find I'm getting anxious she's met someone else, or realizes she doesn't love me, or wants to break up for good. All these tthoughts are taking away from the ultimate goal of letting go of my hurt and resentment. How do I just let go and accept whatever happens is whatever happens?Problem is, I'm finding it hard
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a break, get back together, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): If you have taken a break without a clear agreement about whether its okay to see other people or not, look out for trouble. It is SO MUCH much easier and more common for women to end up in someone else's bed during these situations than men.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Hi there. I reconciled with my ex recently after 6 weeks apart. I felt the exact same as you did. That while trying to focus on myself I was worried that he would find someone else. I decided I didn't want a 'break' and very quickly and without thinking about it, I decided to make it a 'break up'. Anyway, I carried on with my life.Next time we met after I text him asking if he wanted to come over to 'talk', he did, and told me after that the minute he saw me he wanted me back. I seemed happier and all that. More secure in myself. And our problems have mostly gone away now. We figured it out on our time apart. He was convinced that we would not get back together and I found it hard to let go. But I let him go and he came back to me! Better than before.So just have some hope, but not too much. And do carry on focussing on yourself - because that's what she would want to see - that u are happy and If u reconcile, you'll realise you're ok without her. That way, you both know you can be happy as individuals sharing your life together instead of worried about the other with all these problems. We both dated when we broke up, it's hard to find someone special so soon after a break up so don't worry! Look after you now!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Come to think of it, Its really part of letting go.It is possible for her to move on and forget how she feels for you or she may also realized how much she loves you and cant live life without you.There's nothing much you can do but just accept that is part of not talking and deciding some time apart.If your really meant to be, fate will bring you back together. But if its not well at least you have loads of beautiful memories together.Good luck..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Sometimes taking a break from a relationship means something different for the other person. Perhaps the peace she has found in being away from you, feels better than being with you.
You have a problem communicating; if you have to take breaks from each other. Your relationship is too problematic for love to mend it. It doesn't mean you don't love each other; it may mean it has run its course.
If your relationship is an endless cycle of disagreements and arguments; tell me. How much of that is enough?
Now you only want to communicate to sooth your anxiety. Not to resolve your issues. You're just worried that she could be with somebody else. That must be a major part of your problems. If something happened and you can't move past it; why should anyone have to sit through hell waiting for you to get over it.
Maybe she has always wanted to move on, and finally the opportunity to do it without drama just fell in her lap. Does it always have be because she's screwing somebody else? Sometimes relationships sour and there's just no way to fix them. Maybe her silence means she does want to breakup for good. She has had enough.
You can wear a person down just so much; until they get their fill of the bullsh*t. It doesn't matter who's fault it is. The mind needs peace and quiet. It needs refuge from strife and stress. Your anxiety over what she's thinking and doing (or has done) is probably what drove her away. You say it's your idea and she agreed to it? Well, it may have been her idea all along; and you just caught-up with her.
Did you ever consider that during your introspection and reflection?
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