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female
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anonymous
writes: Two years ago I was in love with a guy , we dated for a while nothing serious but things didn’t work out I was very immature , he is older and has more experience in relationships , he give my first kiss. We stayed as friends , now the age gap is not a problem , I am more mature and experienced ( after him , I have 2 very formal and serious relationships ). He has always been there for me , taking care of me and giving me always the correct advice , he is not very good with commitment , because of his difficult past and always fell in love with the wrong type of girls ( he said that I am the only normal girls he has dated). I admire him a lot , he graduate top if his engineer class , has a good job, is very good in sports and has the same hobbies as me. After 2 years as friends, we are seeing each other again, but as friends with benefits , and we are having a great time , we still do all the stuff we were accustom as friends like going to the movies, to eat lunch or book – music- clothing –movies shopping , but when we are alone we also kiss , and……. You know. My question is , how is that I have never been able to totally forget him during this 2 years , my ex BF were always kind of jealous of him , event thought I didn’t seen him , now that after 2 years I finally kiss him again and experience with him other stuff we never shared together ( the first time we dated, we only kiss and hug each other) , I feel that I care a lot more for him than 2 years ago I enjoy being with him , we have a better relationship than before, but Why I don’t want to be his girlfriend , if he is the best looking guy that I have dated, and one of the most talented guy that I know and I care a lot for him , more that any of my boyfriends.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Being friends with benefits can be fun but it can also lead to situations where one person wants more and that is what has happened here.
I think that you need to be upfront with him and tell him that you love the time you spend together and things have changed since you first dated and now you are after a bit more and is he willing to provide you with that?
If he is, great, you have what you want.
If he is not, well, I think that you have learnt that he is not the one for you and it is time to make a clean break and get on out there and find someone who wants more than friends with benefits.
When you are friends with benefits it means that whilst you are not dating anyone, you are not allowing yourself to be a free agent and really find someone who will give you the whole package.
I would talk to him, at least then you will know where you stand!
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don’t understand if we both care for each other, we have a lot of chemistry , we are fine with going out with each other , why we have never been able to be more , to have a normal relationship, I can understand that for him is difficult , but I have been able to have normal relationships, I was with my last boyfriend for a year and with him , I cant imagine having more that this strange relationship, were we treat each other as a couple , we don’t go out with other people in dates , but we can see each other as couple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2006): i am with an older man and i now how you feel, you think the world of him and he does everything for you. im going to be honest it will never change even if you started dating again you will always have those doubts i know that feeling, my advice make a clean break it will prob break both your hearts but belive me you dont want to be stuck in the same situation in 2 yrs time, life is to short belive me i no its hard
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