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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm so upset. Things ended between me and my bf in October, we weren't mature enough to hold down an adult relationship. But now I've found out he's just got engaged to a girl he's been seeing for about 2 or 3 weeks, but they've been friends for years. I'm crushed, I seemed to have it in my head that when we'd both matured enough we'd get back together, and it hurts that he's able to make such a commitment to someone so quickly, when I worked so hard to make things work between us for nearly a year. I'm already down enough about this guy as it is, I'm on anti depressants because I'm so low at the moment, and this has just made everything 100 times worse. How can I stop myself from going even further downhill?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006): I'm sorry you feel this low. Break-ups can be really hard. Now is the time to call on family and friends to do other stuff and get your mind off him. Are other things going okay, studies, work? If more than one thing seems bad at the same time it can feel that the pressure is piling on. You're on tablets so must have spoken to a doctor. Personally I'm not a fan of pills but I appreciate they work for some people - just not a long-term soution. Make the effort to get out and enjoy life.
And FYI I don't think it will last for your ex - engaged after 3 weeks?? But concentrate on yourself anyway, try to forget about him. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006): It sounds like he has found someone he loves very much and he is extremely happy with. It is not relevant how long he has been with her.
I think the real issue is you feeling low at the moment. My advice would be to forget about him and move forward with your life, spend time with your friends and family and doing things you enjoy.
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A
female
reader, Evangeline  +, writes (16 December 2006):
 Heya, Its perfectly normal to feel extremely down after a relationship ends especially if it is the other person who seems to move on first. It is really important that stop 'finding out things' about this guy. Continuing to 'check up on him' feels like an impulse at the moment but it really isnt healthy for you. Its easier said than done, but it is better for you emotionally in the long run. Anyway don't you think its a bit soon that he is rushing into this marriage - perhaps he isnt in the best state himself at the moment either. There is no quick way to end how you feel about this, but you can come out of it having learnt good lessons in life. Such as that things will never go how you expect and that life is incredibly unpredictable. Make sure you have someone - (prefessionals are best) who you can talk to about this and that you can go over the situation again and again with until so you can sort out your feelings - but it is important to close all ties with him as best you can - seriously do not 'hunt' for information about him - this brings you down more. Good luck
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