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We seem to be friends, but shouldn't there be more after 17 years?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

Married for 17 years, one child under 10. We haven't had sex for approximately 4 years - and didn't have sex that much before this.

Mainly, this problem is mine as I never seem to have much 'desire' - or if I do, it's at the wrong time! We have a strong 'friendship' relationship but doesn't seem to go beyond this.

Partner dislikes kissing - and won't even use the glass I've used. During a discussion, he confirmed he loved me very much.

We separated 14 years ago and he instigated getting back together. However, he also confirmed he had never actually felt attracted towards me physically.

I am having difficulty with this and not sure how to continue. I know he does love me but is that good enough for the relationship to last? Are we just acting as close friends or is there something more? Should we separate, finally, to allow us to find other partners?

Over the years, his attractiveness to me has faded - do I try to rekindle this or admit things haven't worked? Somethings, I think we're just carrying on because it's easier this way. ALso, I would like our child to experience growing up within a strong, healthy relationship - and not one weakened by these problems

Advice desperately needed!

THanks

Alex

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A reader, Jess, writes (7 March 2005):

This is a tricky one... I think you need to let your child know both you and her father love her very much and that you need time alone. My mum and dad have split up before and the 8yr old (daughter of theirs) took it very badly, spend time together as 'friends' and see how it works... If you have both lost the spark of your relationship try a break.

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