A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have trouble communicating. Some of the things she says comes off the wrong way, and her tone of voice throws me off. She has an aggressive tone of voice, which she's had trouble with. We get into arguments because, of the way she words things and the tone of voice that she has. And because, of that I get defensive or I blow it off and try tell myself that she didn't mean it like that. I know I should be used to it by now but, there are times when I can't tell if she is very upset or just concerned. It always comes off more extreme than she realizes and I know its not on purpose but, its really creating problems. I'm not perfect by any means but I can't help but be upset over it.Whenever I bring it to her attention she gets defensive and says "Why do always take what I say the wrong way?" or "We've been together for this long. Why are you getting upset over stupid s**t?" She says that she's working on it and I can tell that she's trying to word things better and trying to be more calm when we need to talk about conflicts. But, we're fighting so much over miscommunication that I don't know where we'll be. Which is sad because, I want to work this out since we have a child together. I brought up relationship counselling but, she got angry saying she didn't need it. And it wasn't about her needing it, its about US needing to work on things, a neutral person could point out things that we don't see or are too stubborn to admit to. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I'll think about that.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 Since you can't control her, ask yourself what you could do to make things better. Seeking counseling is good but it can't be forced. So what can you do?
Teaching by influence is a great way to bring someone to your way of thinking. If you better yourself to the extend that she notice a positive difference, chances are that she'll try to do the same.
These book helped my relationships, I'm convinced that they can do the same.
Personality Plus book by Florence Littauer
The five love languages book by Gary Chapman
Personality Plus can help identify yourself and your partner better, by learning that, your communication skills will improve.
The Five love languages will teach you how to speak love to receive love.
"We must first become the change we want to see."
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