A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship for one year. We decided to move in together roughly 5 months ago. Since then we have discovered that YES we are in love but we have some issues that are killing our relationship. Finances are tight until the new year, he's been drinking more than i am comfortable with, and when i'm upset..i yell and as of late i even throw things (like shoes) on the floor. I know we can get through this...BUT we need help!
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female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (1 November 2007):
 Well, there's nothing you can do to increase cash flow IN but are there things you can do to decrease cash flow OUT?
If he's drinking because of the stress, he has to replace that bad habit with a good one that alleviates stress. I like a beer or two myself, occasionally, but for stress management, I workout everyday. There's something for everybody, so bad knees, backs, etc are irrelevant. It creates energy, not depletes it ... so being tired after work is not a valid excuse, either. Like Nike says, "Just do it!". If he's drinking more because he's got a growing addiction, than he's going to need more than a run on the track ... maybe a 12-step program or something. In any event, more than a couple of drinks a week just is not a good thing for a multitude of reasons, from his health to the relationship you share, so he's got to reign that in.
Yelling. Well, I used to have an issue with that myself. I had to learn a new way of communicating when a surgery damaged my vocal cords. Until you figure yours out, take a deep breath through your nose ... hold it for ten seconds by (silly, I know) holding up your hands and purposely counting with each finger. Exhale hard through your nose or mouth ... make a loud Darth Vader noise. Walk away. Do something that demonstrates to yourself that you know you are angry and you refuse to (unhealthily) sweep it under the rug, but you want to control your temper. Believe it or not, after two or three times of doing something like this you will be so impressed with your control, it will be empowering.
And good for you, putting it out there. Some people think it's just the way it is and that you're supposed to plod along with the crap because it's a part of life. Well, some crap is ... but the stuff you should control and/or change, you do, and that makes life better. Best wishes!
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