A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My live in boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. We were having some problems for about 6months to a year and we have been together for 3 years. The night of the breakup I put his things out on the porch because I was so angry, but I really wasn't ready for him to go. Since this time we have talked and became aware of the things that hurt our relationship. We still believe that there is a chance for us however he doesn't want to move back and work this out together he wants to find his own place and still date me. We talk on the phone and have been on a couple of dates. He says things like I am coming home just not at this time. He said he needed time to get his self together and I do as well. He says things like focus on you and not so much on me. I hate to admitt it but he is right. I do need to focus on me but this pain in my heart just won't allow me to focus on anything else and I really need help. Should I continue slow walking this thing with him or should I just bite the bullet and pull out now?
View related questions:
broke up, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): Putting him out was a dramatic course of action. He did recognized that you needed to focus more on yourself. That is usually an indication that you're either too dependent, or overly critical of your partner.
It is also an indication that your relationship isn't progressing to your satisfaction; there are two people wanting different things from your relationship, and unable to compromise. So he has decided to force you to be more independent; and he will return under the condition you
change.
He may or may not be working on his own self-improvement program; but I highly recommend that you don't rule out the possibility he is also considering the relationship has run its course, and he isn't coming back. He is slowly weaning you off your dependency, as he pulls away.
If the reason for your problems stem from insecurity? It is unlikely the relationship will survive. People don't work very hard to change their insecurities. They feel others have to adjust to them. The fact is, that they don't. It is better to find someone stable, mature, and who has a handle on their lives. Nobody's perfect, but people with insecurities they don't bother to work on are difficult to live with. They are selfish, and the relationship is mostly about tiptoeing around whatever they're insecure about. They don't need a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they need a therapist.
I don't really think "dating" is going to help. You're taking each other in "doses" to avoid fighting. You may be talking, but how effective are these talks? You don't mention one thing about "why" you broke up? How can anyone tell you if you should still be dating; if no one knows why you parted, or the nature of your problems? Drug/alcohol abuse, verbal-abuse, violence, cheating, porn? What? Without the details, we can deduce you're incompatible.
|
